For You (Riyamcyriac)

43 4 10

Reviewer: Riyamcyriac

Author: lilghostqween


COVER: 7/10

I think the picture on your cover is cute, and it fits your genre well. Personally, I always think illustrative ones are better for romance cause it fits a happier and cuter theme. Of course, this is my opinion. My main issue with the cover is that the picture is washing out the title and your username, which is not good. For this reason, I would suggest a cover change and have a graphic designer so it for you. I have a reading list full of good graphics shops and I myself love to do illustrative graphics. If I were you, I would ask for a picture of a guy and a girl (drawings) peaking out from a heart, or the title "for you" inside a heart with patterns around it.

DESCRIPTION: 6/10

I think the description is lacking. I'll dissect it.

"A small love story that will make you emotional as well as hopeful."

That introduction doesn't pull me in. The use of the word small makes it seem like it's not developed. It makes it seem like a short, cute story rather than a deep, interesting one.

"Ellie and Dave has been inseparable for the past years."

It should be "Ellie and Dave *have* been inseparable for the past __ years." In the blank, you should put the number of years.

"Their bonding has been growing strong even since."

It should be "Their *bond* has been growing *stronger ever* since."

"But things get out of hand when Ellie's so-called childhood friend chooses to be Dave's girlfriend."

Instead of saying that, I think you should say - "But when Dave starts dating Ellie's childhood friend, tensions rise and things get out of hand." A question...why should I care if they're friends. I think it would be more effective to say "past friend" because it adds another dimension of conflict to the story. If Dave is dating one of her old, past friends, that means they're not friends anymore and something went with them, which could make a more interesting plot.

"Ellie was in high dudgeon because of losing her best friend."

I don't know what high dungeon means in this context. Do you mean stuck in the middle where she is confused and hurt? Why would she lose him because he's dating someone. You state this later on in the blurb, so put this before it.

"She couldn't spent time with him anymore."

It should be "She couldn't *spend* time with him anymore." This is a good reason.

"She kept longing for him, building an emotion turmoil within herself and eventually their friendship fell apart."

This is what should go before "Ellie was in a high dungeon because of losing her best friend". It shows the conflict, but the last part of this sentence gives away a little too much. Don't tell the audience that their friendship fell, but tease at it by saying "tensions rose".

"She couldn't decipher her affections towards Dave. Day by day her feelings turned messier whereas Dave wasn't ready to leave his first love for his first friend."

Instead of this, I think you tease an epiphany. "She began to doubt if all this time, the love she felt towards him was platonic."

"This story revolves around the lives of four teenagers filled exciting twists and turns. Will Ellie get her happy ending or Will she be crushed by the bitter truth?"
You said four teenagers but you only introduced three in the blurb. Introduce the last one.

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