40 2 12

Reviewer: Annie_Moon2001

Author: Fa1245

Cover: 10/10 

I really love the cover. It's really beautiful. Love the colour scheme. Love the fonts used. I'd just advice that you shift your name to the bottom of the cover.  

Description/Summary: 8/10 

I don't think there's a need to write complete but if you still insist on writing it, then it should be in a line of its own. I love the way you wrote a summary on each and every story in the trilogy. The only issue is that it's not properly organized. It would be advisable you write the book name, then instead of using a hypen and writing on it, you write it under it. It would look a lot better. The vocabulary is just perfect. I noticed some grammar errors as well as some tense shifts. 

Chapter Review: 7/10 

Honestly, I didn't read all seventy-three chapters. I read the prologue and the first three chapters from each of the stories. I sincerely apologize for that. Also, I'm sorry in advance if my review was a tad bit too harsh. 

The First Trilogy: 

From your prologue, I noticed a lot of grammar errors as well as punctuation misuse. Here in wattpad, it's not advisable to have super long paragraphs because they make your book look unorganized. They look good for only physical books but not here on wattpad. 

From your first chapter, there are still grammar errors, tense shifts and some punctuation misuse. The place where you wrote "Rafiq (one of the workers)" should have been "Rafiq, one of the workers." The paragraph where you wrote about Rafiq being upset on being fired and Abdul, his lazy boss forcing him for a selfie was totally confusing. Was Abdul able to click the picture? Was Rafiq weeping while the selfie was being taken? Who did a lot of people unfollow from the social media? Then in the next paragraph, Abdul was the one going home. Did Rafiq go home? All these were not clear or properly stated.

From your second chapter, I don't think writing "Let's have a glimpse of his early childhood" is good. You could just add it to the next paragraph. You can use something like, "During his early childhood, he was not a spoilt brat but a naive innocent child." I know I omitted the age, but it makes it sound a bit off. You can try adding it somewhere else. 

From the third chapter, I really don't have much to say. Just shorten all long paragraphs. I'm not saying it's not good, it's just that here on wattpad, long paragraphs tend to make the story look a bit unorganized. It also needs editing. When writing flashbacks, it's advisable to italicize them. Always remember to punctuate your dialogues. When you're not using an exclamation mark or a question mark or an ellipsis, you use a comma instead of a full stop. The part where his friends stopped him from running after Sehera and then they all later ran after her when Abdul was drunk is seriously confusing. Weren't his friends against him running after her? Why run after her when he's drunk? Was he drunk when he ditched Sehera for her bully? These are the questions running through my mind. It'd be great if you could write a bit more on that part. There are also a lot tense shifts. 

The Second Trilogy: 

From the prologue. Like I said earlier on, your paragraphs are a bit too long. There was a lot of grammar errors. Noticed some tense shifts here and there.

From the first chapter, the paragraphing is just perfect. Not too short and neither was it too long. There are a lot of grammar errors. Noticed a lot of tense shifts. Some of your dialogues weren't punctuated. 

From the second chapter, I noticed some grammar errors. There was a lot of tense shifts. The first paragraph, where you wrote about the old king being "reliable" on his son. I'm a bit confused. Isn't that supposed to be "lenient"? If it isn't then try writing more on that. 

From the third chapter, though there were some grammar errors, it really didn't affect the flow of the story like it did in the other chapters. I really love this chapter. Love the fact that the father, the king gave him an advice to aid him rule the kingdom before he passed on. 

The Third Trilogy: 

From the prologue. Just to point it out, remove the spacing between the two lines for the Louis Armstrong quote. There were a lot of tense shifts. I did notice a lot of improvement in your writing here. I can already feel some goosebumps and I'm really excited to know more about this book. I'm sure being the last book in the trilogy it'd be the best. 

From chapter one, I've not a major progress in your work. There are fewer grammar errors. I'd still advice that you edit this chapter but do take note on what I've pointed out from the previous chapters and do the very same here.

From chapter two, I observed some tense shifts as well as some grammar errors here and there. I really didn't feel too comfortable with the way the chapter started. I thought it'd have been better adding it to the previous chapter and starting this chapter in a much more better way. 

From chapter three, the way it was started was really not good. I understand what you're trying to do, but you could try rephrasing it. There are some grammar errors here but they're not all that obvious. 

In general, I'll advice that you thoroughly edit your book. It's really interesting if you put aside the grammar errors but it's quite hard to do that since it was almost everywhere. I understand how hard editing can be so just be patient and do it bit by bit. I'd really love to read this book once the editing has been completed. 

Activity of the Writer: 6/10 

The writer didn't reply to all messages both on his comment box and conversation board. 

Plot: 9/10 

There's not much I can say here because I've said it all in the chapter review. The book is really interesting. It does sting a little that I couldn't read each and every chapter. 

Overall Advice: 

There's not much I can say here because a detailed explanation on where you should work on is in the chapter review and all other places that needs work. 

I'll rate this book an 8/10.

Reviews 2.0Where stories live. Discover now