Star Trek: Phoenix (Annie_Moon2001)

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Reviewer: Annie_Moon2001

Author: DellaYung


Cover: 10/10 

The cover is really beautiful. The font used is a perfect fit for the cover. Would have loved to see your name on it but there's no problem.

Description/Summary: 10/10 

It's was well written. The grammar, punctuation and spellings were totally on point. Note: The first sentence you wrote, I don't think there's need to capitalize it. If you want to emphasize on that sentence, you can just use a full stop instead of a comma. 

Chapter Review: 9/10 

Chapter one (Cinnamon Clouds):The place where Kee' Lay told N' oRay that the baby was coming, "The baby, N'oRay. It's coming." You wrote that "these were the only two words that managed to...." I'll advice you remove "two" from it so that it would be, "these were the only words that managed to...." This is because it's not actually two words but two sentences that she said.There's a place that you used initial capital letter after a comma. "Why in the name of Federation, He had only one..." 

You need to work on your organization. Especially when writing dialogues. You tend to write the, "he said" or "she said" in a separate line of its own which is totally wrong. Then there are cases where you don't make it clear to your readers who is actually talking. Another is when you don't properly space or separate your dialogue. Like after writing a dialogue, you'll just continue in the very next line instead of giving a gap.

The errors I pointed out are just minor mistakes. Your grammar and spelling are just perfect. Your descriptions are really detailed. Great chapter. I really feel bad for N'oRay and I hope that he's able to save his daughter. 

Chapter two (Captain Casanova):The first thing I'll point out is your organization which is the very same thing.The grammar and spellings are on point. I was almost about to point out some things in Jaylah's grammar until I saw your note.From reading this chapter, I think Jaylah is actually a Martian (If that's what they're called) from Mars. 

Chapter three (Conflicted Commensal):The same thing like I said in the previous chapter, organization. Other than that, there's really nothing that needs work. Your grammar and spellings are on point. Your descriptions were very vivid. 

Activity of the Writer: 7/10 

The writer didn't reply to most messages on both her comment box and conversation board. 

Plot: 10/10 

Honestly, I haven't watched 'Star Trek' but even with that, I was able to easily flow with the book. So far, the book is really interesting. The descriptions were really detailed and I was able to relate to each characters in the book. Although I did have confusions with how there were a lot of new characters in each chapter. Especially in chapter 2 and 3 when I observed they were all different but later figured out that they might later on get linked.

Overall Advice: 

There wasn't much error in your book. I'll advice that you work on your organization so that it'd be easier for readers and also make the book look better. Then, you'll also need to carefully edit your first chapter (the ones I pointed out). 

That all aside, I'll rate this book a 10/10.


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