I freaking love this cover. The colors balance out well and the lettering of the font fits perfectly. Iw ould take out the little panda sticker on the right side though.
I really judge these based on the context to the story, and this fits in pretty darn well. Kiss for the romance, kill for the mafia. I have a line of connection already.
Note that these are my comments as I read to give you more of a readers insight. Some things will be answered by myself.
Of course, different genres have different styles, so in this type having more than one POV in a chapter is normal, but if you were looking towards a publishing route, I might switch it up a little and make Arya's part a little longer so it could stand on his own. If you don't wish to split them, then you can discard this piece of advice.
I saw a comment on the translations and I wanted to pipe in here. I think that scrolling down to see translations is annoying, but putting them right in front of the reader is also not professional. I deal with mixed languages a lot in my book, and I often don't explicitly translate them. What I mean is that when I use a curse word, I make sure the tone of the character projects that it is a curse word. If projecting tone doesn't work, then try to mention the meaning within the dialogue.Such as the beginning of the second part which is in Italian. You could say that in dialouge and have the meaning repeated behind then. Then, you can have a translation in the bottom so when the reader finishes, the can know if they interpreted that correctly.
What I didn't like: Arya's chapter started off with her being a party girl, not an undercover agent like the blurb suggests. It totally okay when characters step out of their work stereotypes, but to get a feel for the story I think the first chapter should have some of her work life incorporated into it.
Rayn's chapter was a good characterization moment, but I found a key fault. If he is the Don of a Mafia who does the same thing he's punishing the other guys for, why is he so self-righteous? It's obvious that everything those guys are doing is wrong, buy Rayn isn't doing any better by staying as the Don.
Now we see that she herself wasn't really an agent until Carla found her. She has the same bad blood that runs through the veins of Don. I'm truly worried for her after reading that flashback, and I expect a lot of hestiancy when coming to the act. It's cruel for agents to stoop down to such levels to get in with the mafia when they don't have the other agents full consent.
Wow, Arya's got an attitude and a mouth that goes with it. The things she say are so rude byt entertaining at the same time. I was a bit confused if it was Carlos of Rayne that was intervieweing her, but judging that the pic at top it Carlos, I'll deduce it's him.
This was a sad chapter. I thought Bella was his lover in the past chapters, but now seeing it's his twin, it hurts even more. I resolve my own question about him being self-righteous. Though he's a mafia man, he wants to be different because of what happened to her. That's respectable and a character I can get with.
OOOO that was steamy and very very clever on your part, author. I didn't even realize I was reading a book for reviews at that point, and I realized I've been os eager for them to meet that my previous reviews haven't been too in depth, so I'll put it all here. Sadly due to all the reviews I have, I can't review more, but I'll definitely be adding it to my library. I won't be adding it to my reading list for a couple of reasons that consist of style, grammar, description, and maturity.
If I'm going to be honest, it's a little immature. There's a lot of "if you didn't notice," and character talking to the audience. The occasional break of the fourth wall is nice, but the excessive comes off as not refined. For this genre, it's okay to tell a little bit, but the lack of descriptions and choppy dialogue make it more of a skimmable read than an in-depth, sit down with some coffee esk read. Obviously, your readers love it, so perhaps I'm not the target audience, and you seem to be doing well in contests and such.
There were occasional instances where there were some grammar mistakes, but those didn't make your style immature. It was the style part of it. You can easily fix these mistakes with Grammarly. There are a handful of times where you split up chunks and that makes it confusing to who is speaking that. When you go back and edit, try to l=make one character's dialogue it's own chunk than separate lines. Also, you're missing quotations marks in some instances.
Your descriptions weren't very advanced and polished. This and grammer would be the main things I would look at when going back to draft. These two issues will fix the writing style. Add in more reactions. You do well with this in the flashbacks, but not so much in the actual story. Take time to describe the scene using raunchy language or casual jargon. When you enter a new place think of the five sense and pick at least two to write about. These sensory images help the book come to life and really bring the words out of the page.
So far the plot is interesting. There are some inconsistencies and hole when it comes to who actually runs the business, what the business is for, who they really are and what's actually happening. I don't really see a clear line of plot so far as in I am not hoping for anything in the next chapter other than a continuation of the story. This is because of a lack of character motivation. Sre they scared, driven by money, greed, lust, anger, sadness? There are so many to pick from, so chose one and bring your plot to life.
It's a pretty good book if you want a fun guilty pleasure read that involves guys that are too bad to be good and girls that are just as raunchy with sad backstories. It is a little generic, but the characters unique experiences make them interesting and likable.
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