Turtlenecks and Khaki Shorts (Annie_Moon2001)

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Reviewer: Annie_Moon2001

Author: misskaeee


Cover: 9/10 

The cover looks really nice. I think you should make your name on the book a little bit more clear. Then your title, it'd be really nice if you could capitalize the first letters. 

Description/Summary: 8/10 

Starting a description/summary with "to" is not really advisable. You can write it like, "Phoenix takes pride in dressing his best". To me, you can't really say "keeping up with the latest trend, and is the trend setter." because someone that's a trendsetter is already keeping up to the latest trend.The last sentence you made in the second paragraph needs a little polishing. It doesn't really feel right. 

The second paragraph is okay. The points written are great but they weren't properly arranged. Why don't you start with him having a wife, three kids and a pitbull. Then you can talk about his dressing sense and the other things follows. 

Chapter Review: 7/10 

The book is really interesting. Although there were some grammar errors that made the some places seem a bit odd. I read all 9 chapters and reread it when you started editing or rewriting.

I noticed some sentences that could need a little brush-up like the sixth paragraph in your first chapter. The place you wrote "then I drove off to the work which I recently got" could also be written as, "then I drove off to my new job". 

When ending a dialogue, you don't use a full stop rather you use a comma when you aren't using an exclamation mark or a question mark or an ellipsis. I know you did make some corrections on this, but some places were still left out. 

Activity of the Writer: 7/10 

The writer replies to every message on her board but rarely replies to comments in her comment box. 

Plot: 9/10 

The book is really interesting. It's quite creative too. I'd love to see how Ryland and Phoenix would end up being together and what would be the condition of Ryland's wife and Phoenix' annoying clinging girlfriend. 

Overall Advice: 

The description like I said earlier on, would need some editing as well. Although you've edited some chapters but there are still places that needs editing. Editing takes a lot of time and patience so don't give up because your book is really interesting. 

That all aside, I'll rate this book an 8/10.


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