The cover is very ominous and matches the book, so I'm automatically excited to dive in. I only docked points because it seems empty and lackluster.
I'm a sucker for a good angel story, especially one about how Lucifer fell, so I was already excited to see this. It entails your book perfectly and I like it a lot.
Chapter Analysis: 7/10
Note that these are my comments as I read to give you more of a readers insight. Some things will be answered by myself.
It started off really really really good. I'm not gonna lie, your descriptions sucked me in from the get go. I felt like I was sinning just by reading this harmless little interaction. I think this was a great way to start a story of this genre and it did it's job really well. You painted Lucifer as a devious angel of death who "just wants a bit of fun," even though we know there's more to it. Sandriel to me is very innocent and gullible. Able to fall into his trap, but I can sense some character development coming her way.
You already answered a looming question over our heads. Who's the angel that can battle Lucifer? Micheal. I sense a love triangle coming. Then again, Micheal seems more like a father figure to her than a love interest as suggested by the advice. He obviously knew and knows that Luc is going to ask, so my question aligns with her. Why?
Then she has a dream. I did get confused when she said Nadia. Is Nadia her name in the human world?
So it's revealed that Nadia was her name in an old life, so that last comment was more of a comment and not a critic. We can see that Lucifer has a connection to Nadia already, which is prolly why Micheal sent her. Micheal also probably knows of this exchange. I also want to comment on HOW AMAZING YOUR DESCRIPTIONS ARE I feel unworthy to read this book, ti's that good. It's obvious that you planned everything out very meticulously and you keep the reader really close to the action.
I like her characterization. Sandriel, who will go by Sandy now, is growing into her destiny, and perhaps getting cocky with it? Now that she knows of her connection with Lucifer, she's getting more flashbacks
This is the chapter I've been waiting for! I love the exchange they have and the characterizations of Lucifer. Sandy is polite and even says thank you to the guy that is tricking her. Luce has this air to him that's so dangerous, and his hate for angels and his past makes me even more interested in this book.
So my question is, do Angels typically remember their old lives or is it just Sandy's case? I thought it was so ironic that Lucifer used light to patch up the hole between the human world and the demons world, considering he is not part of the city of light.
At the end of the flashback, Lucifer talks about the goodness of God and Energy. He seems much more like a father figure and a good guy rather than the Lucifer we know now, which makes me wonder if this is before he fell, as suggested by the title.
The twist at the end where he took her to Hell! There's no way I can't keep reading now.
The Rest of the Novel
I knew a lot of worldbuilding would come on later, and in chp 7, it sure did. The powers that the Angels typically have are elemental, setting Lucifer and Sandy as special characters that have an intrinsic bond. To build upon World Building, omg the structure is soooo cool. It's very obvious a lot of thought and planning went into this. One suggestion I do have is if you would explain the Level part a bit more, because I didn't understand what the purpose of Levels are.
The lady that is Sandy is such a good piece of foreshadowing
Filler words I noticed: Even, only, many, although, so much etc. These also include adverbs like very and anything that ends in -ly.
You use passive tense a lot, which gives you a bunch of long sentences and slows the pace down of your book. This is characterized by the excessive use of was, a be very followed by an ing word, and sentences where the subject is last. Aim to write more in active tense.
Active tense: A mobster chased her.
Passive tense: She was chased.
Use the "by zombies" rule. If the sentence makes sense after adding by zombies to the end of it, then it may be passive.
For example: "She was running" can be "she ran" You can indicate that it's present tense by describing sensory imagery.
I thought your grammar was pretty spot on! My way of looking at it isn't like an editor, and of course there are occasional issues you can fix with a read through, but overall, nothing impeded me from reading or seemed wild off that I had to comment on it.
As a lot of people know, I'm a sucker for description, and you delivered! Not only did your way of wording things into perfect images set the scene, but it also caused spine-tingling moments and in-depth character analysis. Too many times to I see authors failing to describe their characters actions and emotions in an effort to make them come off as guarded, but you showed exactly why those aspects show that the character is guarded more! It's obvious Lucifer has some hidden resentment that he's not willing to reveal yet but through the subtle quirks of his eyes and sarcastic saturated tone, you have shown us a fleshed out character that has got me just as entrapped as the rest of your audience.
The words you use are what I categorize as "high words" that usually have a place in novels with more refined themes and deeper philosophies underpinning the work, and it adds a very royal and velvet texture to your texture. I noticed you used these words, works like glisten, robes, shimmer... all those words paint out a very majestic image that I absorb wildly.
Another thing Iw anted to point out was the wonderful balance of the descriptions. Never did I get bored of reading a piece of imagery. You kept it short and simple, but added enough words and details to give me a vivid picture. I am thoroughly impressed.
A little tip is for you to eliminate words like "felt, heard, and seemed" because they tell more than the show. Instead of Sandriel feeling someone running, have a whoosh of air past her, or a thud of footsteps echoing down the wall. It adds another dimension to the description.
I think this part was okay, not the best part but not distracting. I thin what can spice it up is some banners and graphics. The author's notes are nice and short though
This is the first book I revied that I actually read through, and that's impressive. Though I only analyzed up to 10 because I didn't want to keep you waiting, I am sure that it has a spot on my reading list and I am very very happy to have reviewed it. The plot was enticing and so much deeper than I orginally thought it would be, which is the main reason I want to keep reading. A deep fantasy entwined with a heavy irrestable romance with a male that is too bad to be good for you.
Guys, it was really good.
You know how I feel about this. 9/10 stars, which for me is basically perfect. Only people that have ZERO errors get a 10/10, and that only happens to published books. Pretty amazing, and honestly, I'm kinda honored that you read more of my book than requested for payment. THAT'S how good this is guys. Go check it out.
YOU ARE READING
In this book you will find your next favourite read: some of the best - as of yet - undiscorvered books on Wattpad. This is our attempt to help them a step further to getting discovered.