Aminah (onebluerose)

49 3 14

Reviewer: onebluerose

Author: Fa1245 


Cover: 10/10

Love the cover! The image represents the subject of the story perfectly. The fonts used are nice and readable, too. The cover gave me chills. It's eerie and interesting.

Description / Summary: 7/10 

The way the summary begun was good but it needs work. First, I suggest you lessen the use of the word 'but'. Second, divide your summary into shorter sentences (the second sentence is annoyingly long). Third, though I could tell the connection between the two sentences of the summary, it's still vague. Consider reconstructing the summary so it'll be more coherent and clear.

Chapter Review: 6/10 

I have read the book from the prologue up to the fifth chapter. Overall, please consider dividing your sentences into shorter ones. Grammar also needs improvement. The chapters were also very short (but I respect it if that's your preference).

Prologue: As much as this part was informative, I don't think the ideas were organized properly. Also, please consider dividing your sentences into shorter ones. You don't have to cram it all in one long sentence. It is not appealing as a reader. I was also overwhelmed by the number of names/characters you have introduced in the first few chapters.

Chapter 1: Grammar and scene description needs work. Add more detail to the emotions and movement of the characters. 

Chapter 2: The situation described here is a reasonable cause of worry for the main character. The way the circumstances was presented to him was a great idea. The transition from scene to scene was okay, too. But the dialogue make it seem like the characters are distracted by unnecessary details so easily.

Main Characters: 7/10 

The characters (mainly, Jehangir) were easily distracted and sidetracked. An important issue is at hand but one question and they're already down memory lane. As a result, I don't fully feel/realize the gravity of the situation.

Activity of the Writer: 10/10 

The author replies to feedback/comments on the story as well as on their conversation feed.

Plot: 8/10 

The plot is interesting. It needs a bit work and improvement but it's a good story idea. It's different and I think readers would learn a lot from this book.

Overall Advice: 

I find the story idea interesting, truly! I want to read and find out how it will unfold. But forgive me, I could not continue reading further. Grammar needs serious work. There were sentences which were too long and confusing. The description in some parts of the story were a bit bland. Characters are so easily sidetracked it's frustrating.

This is just my opinion. A single person's point of view. Please know that the things I pointed out are not flat out negativity but rooms for improvement. Also, please feel free to ask questions if you have any. Thank you for trusting me! 



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