Broken Words (riyamcyriac)

37 1 1

Reviewer: riyamcyriac

Author: purple_heart12


COVER: 4/10

I don't really judge poetry by its cover, but I do think that it should be aesthetic and appealing. As a graphic designer, I always find poetry to go best with illustrative covers that are monochrome. If you would like, I could shoot my shot at making one for you as I specialize in illustrative.

Title: 6/10

Broken Words is a typical sounding name for a poem book, meaning it doesn't stand out of the crowd that much. I also write poetry and when thinking of a name for my book I picked the title that represented the theme of my book best, which was Paper Cups and Coffee Mugs.

Poem Analysis: 7/10

Quiantrella:

I really liked the happiness of this poem. Too often do I see super angsty poems that are about heartbreak. It was very refreshing to read a poem pertaining to the joy of life and how beautiful it is to live. In this one, your rhythm is a bit off. For a poem that has a more flowy mood, the sentences should melt together and weave into an intricate layering of words that serenade the audience. To do this, expand more on the words and let the peace draw out so the reader feels cocooned and safe.

Magoa:

Magoa is a much more somber but reflective piece, but I noticed you didn't deviate from the style in Quiantrella, which doesn't help set up a mood. For this one, you currently have it in four lines when it might flow better as two.

Atychiphobia:

I love the variation in your work! I noticed in the first stanza, you end with "fail" and then the second sentence of the second stanza, you end with fail again. Because of this, I was expecting a rhyme scheme, but there wasn't one. Because of that, I would suggest using a different word to fail the second time like "Lose", "fall," etc..

I like the setup for this poem because it's short choppy sentences make the reader feel anxious and unsettled like the character in the poem is feeling.

Latibule:

I love the serenity of this poem. It flows very nicely and gives a comforting vibe, which I think you were going for. The personification of the tree as a person shows that nature can be comforting and welcoming, and it gives me the feeling that we should protect it. The rhyme scheme was also amazing.

Liberosis:

Liberosis gives me the feeling a lot of people feel every day, where we just want to be free of everything and just let go. This poem explained that wonderfully. The syntax, long sentences, made it seem excruciating to live such a long life where we feel bound and lost. Home is not home and we are searching for the person we can call home. 

Scintillate:

Aww this one made my heart hurt. I love how you alluded to the stars and how they were metaphors for human beings and how we grow apart over time and how aching it feels to grow up. I've never seen the growing up trope be explored through astronomy so big props there.

Dysania:

In the first stanza, you have this nice imagery going on with the nature metaphors, but then you break that mood with the "resemblance" to her mid part. I think, from reading your other poems, you are perfectly capable of making that connection without directly saying it symbolizes her broken mind.

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