dusk | r.lupin (sympathywolf)

98 5 2

Reviewer: SympathyWolf

Author: accio-hp


The theme is very subtle and immediately shows that the story is about a sweet and heart-warming relationship between the two characters. If you're looking for something to improve, maybe a more 'lover's moment' kind of thing. I suggest like the scene where they were snuggling in the library or something relating to the main topic of the story. The font and the intended lowercase is such a nice writing style too :3 [7/10]


Simple and delicately short, I've seen other author's use that sort of summary before and I'm quite fond of it. It doesn't consist of much about Mr Gordon's problem with Evelyn. Perhaps adding some detail to express more about the individuals could help the reader to learn a bit about a book's characters to help grow their liking to them. [8/10]

Chapter Review:

The grammar and punctuation is amazing, however, I do find the sentences quite exciting but a little too short. I didn't skip a line which is a pro but the sentences are just too short to get a more thorough image in the head. Furthermore, adding more adjectives to create more length or adding another sentence to describe the scene to lock that 'painting' in the reader's imagination. [7/10]

Activity of Writer:

Usually active, however sometimes takes a few weeks break. You connect with your readers through comments and usually read lots of books relating to your own works, also interacting with readers. [8/10]


It was sad, personally but I feel like there wasn't much climax or drama. It had a quiet vibe about it, you could improve it by expressing more of the character's emotions. Eg. "I couldn't manage to confess what had been happening at home to him. I stopped my sniffling and smiled at my brother like everything was alright. But it wasn't." That wasn't the best but something that hits right into the reader's heart or using something relevant in the world today. Also, reaching out so the reader feels as though 'oh I know how she/he feels' in the situation. In all, just put more personality in all the emotions you used, sadness and happiness, make it more clear and understanding. [6/10]

Overall Advice:

Firstly, work on your chapters, following the review section discussed in Chapter Review about sentence structures. I suggest then improving the plot and cover to show a more effective way of a gripping storyline. I recommend using a reader's worst enemy, cliffhangers. This is what makes a book a 'favourite' like in those classic romance when they know what will happen next but they aren't just waiting, they're yearning to see it actually happen. In summary, build up in plot, improve chapter sentences and edit the cover of your book.

I hope this helped! If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I'm sorry if this took a while but now I'm much happier that I complete this. Ahh, have a nice day/night UwU

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