Stars Carved In Our Hearts (JadedElegance)

63 5 2

Reviewer: JadedElegance

Author: Pretty_Snowflakes


Disclaimer For All!: Thank you for choosing me as your reviewer! As you read your review, please keep in mind that I look at each work through a lens of "constructive criticism". This means I will point out both positive and negative aspects of your work. In some cases, I will give suggestions on how you might improve a consistent issue or why a chapter just doesn't work for me. I may leave edits in-line within your chapters. I look at each work through the lens of a prospective judge or publisher, so please don't think I am being harsh, nitpicky, or simply dislike your story. I very much enjoy every author and story that comes my way! If you enjoy my review, please do not hesitate to request me again for just the "Chapter Review" of your next set of chapters. Your other scores will not change unless major changes are made to the book, but further edits and critique will be provided.

Cover: 3.5/5 

The colour scheme of the book is aesthetically pleasing and goes along with the title. It creates an almost ethereal sense, which ties into the main character's goodness being put through a severe test by circumstances not under her control.

However, the cover of this book is so busy it makes it difficult to see some of the words clearly. While every item on the cover is symbolic, there is too much and it's spaced too close together to make it appealing for the average reader. The "In Our" surrounded by the image of a heart monitor reading has an impact, but it's white, small, and is lost within the shadow of the text beneath it. I think a professional artist can help you incorporate all these elements into a more pleasing and proportional design. While your idea is on the right track, the execution is a bit amateurish. Like it or not, readers judge books by their covers. A cover that doesn't look professional will lead a potential reader to think this is a book created by a young and inexperienced author. The goal of the cover is to get the reader to select it from the bookshelf, and yours simply needs some touching-up before it's where you want it to be.

Title: 4/5 

Like it or not, there's only so many titles in the world. When your title causes people to think of a well-known book and you are writing a different story in a different genre, it might be cause to change it. I actually like the title, though my personal preference leans toward short, evocative phrases. Unfortunately, there's no denying that it brought to mind John Green's "The Fault In Our Stars" (a title that's actually a lovely Shakespearean reference, so everything is inspired by something!). However, given that your book is not inspired by that work and you've included in your FAQ that it's not at all like that book, it's obvious the minds of the readers are going to keep going in that direction.

When I read the title of the book given to Aryn was called "The Rules Of Death", my immediate reaction was to think "That is a much stronger title for this book." You may have gotten so hung up on a concept that your readers are misjudging and understanding that the wonderful idea you're looking for is right under your nose. Especially if your key demographic is teenagers/young adults, clarity is everything. If you need to explain things in FAQs, it means the reader isn't grabbing on to your concept and you may need to work on stating your theme in the clearest possible way before trying to depict it through your title and cover. I applaud you for the thought that went into your theme and the way you wish to make illusions without giving away the story. I do the same in my own work. Sadly, subtleties and nuances are often lost. If you want to go that route, your should target an older audience.

Blurb/Summary: 2/5 

Unfortunately, this section is where your cohesive ideas begin to lose focus and drift off into the territory of overwhelming the reader with information that causes confusion. It's called "info-dumping" and it's most commonly done within the text of a story that presents a long narrative not broken up by action or dialogues. However, it can also be done through overwhelming the reader with too many details in a blurb. A story can also appear to "info-dump" if your paragraphs are actually one gigantic sentence full of information relevant to plot or character development.

The point of a blurb is to keep it short, sweet, and marketable. It should answer the following questions: 1) Who is your protagonist/MC? 2) What is the setting and/or theme of the story? 3) What is the conflict or obstacle your MC faces? 4) What is the hook that keeps the reader turning the pages to learn how the story works out?

There are many variations on how to write this, but a few things will sabotage your blurb and lose valuable points in a contest or fail to get a potential publisher to even pick up your story. One of those things is inserting too much backstory, The story you're telling is about the present. The past and the future are things to be learned through reading the story.

For instance, the opening of your blurb reads: "The Cardiologist, Aryn aging 25 all of a sudden finds herself a victim of the enveloping circumstances. Under the obligation to commit a crime, she enters prison where a book under the name 'The Rules of Death' arrives."

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