Of Suns And Spirits (JadedElegance)

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Reviewer: JadedElegance

Author: riyamcyriac


Cover: 4.75/5

I absolutely love this cover. From looking at it, you get the sense of the characters, the fact that there is conflict, and hints of the unusual fantasy world in which this story is set. The colour scheme is varied enough to use shades of light, dark, and something in between. That sort of intriguing symbolism is something that would make me pick up this book from a bookshelf and read the blurb to see what it is about. The only relatively minor critique I have is that because the illustration starts a little lower on the cover than many, the size of the title seems large and as if it is blocking the picture. I think it's wonderful to see a cover that doesn't use every bit of space possible, but it means it's necessary to reduce the size of the title just a bit. Otherwise, it is wonderful. If you enter this book into contests, you should see a lot of perfect scores for it.

Title: 5/5 

Whenever a title begins with "Of", I immediately think of an epic storyline that carries a profound message. I think John Steinbeck's "Of Mice And Men" is to blame for this notion, but when I see that sort of title, I am prepared for a book that has something to say. It is the perfect title for a story that leans toward the Epic Fantasy genre, because the reader immediately conjures up thoughts of dynasties, wars, and the rise and fall of both characters and worlds. There is enough mystery in the title to make the reader move on and read the blurb, but enough is conveyed to suggest a genre, theme, and sense of conflict. Very well done!

Blurb/Summary: 4.25/5 

Writing a blurb is an art form in and of itself, and you definitely have more than a basic understanding of what should be covered in the blurb. Without giving too many details, a blurb should introduce the MCs, the setting, the conflict, and end with the central question of the book's plot. You most certainly understand that and have covered the basics.

In a blurb, every word and punctuation mark counts. That's why it's important to write with a descriptive tone and still make sure each word carries weight. This is where your blurb could use some tightening up. Reading the second paragraph, I note that it's all one sentence. This can come across as overwhelming to some readers. By making longer sentences into two or three shorter sentences, you're more likely to maintain interest. For instance, the sentence "Each Realm is eager to push their very best into the front lines of the inter-dimensional fight to the death" is stronger if you end with a full-stop/period. You can then say "Each is in hopes of receiving..." and convey what it is each realm desires, as you have. The end of that paragraph mentions "the three Soul Realms, The Spirit, the Earth, and the Dark."

I know already there are only three realms, but the punctuation makes it seem like there are six. In order to fix that, replace the comma after "Soul Realms" with a colon.

Your sentences tend to be very long and employ a lot of commas. In addition, you use a number of words that weaken a blurb. Instead of using "different" four times, you might just say "different intentions, stakes, strategies, and goals. Victory is the ___" (You cannot say "goal" again because you just used it.)

I love the last line, "Let the Blood Battles commence." However, it will have more impact if you switch out the word "commence" in the first line for a synonym.


It's these relatively minor things that turn a good blurb into an unforgettable one. If you'd like more detailed edits/suggestions, please PM me. I don't want to go on and on about nitpicky stuff, but I can already tell you're at the point in your writing where you've passed "Can I tell a story well and in an articulate fashion?" The nitpicky stuff is what's left. ;)

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