Rocking the Daisies (Riyamcyriac)

36 1 3

Reviewer: riyamcyriac

Author: LeViNeFrEaK

COVER: 7/10

I think the cover is pretty good, and the dissolution of Nick's face in the front is artsy and interesting. The issue is, it's nice and then Nick and Liana in the back, but since it's only Nick, it makes it seem like you care about him more.

I like the color, but I feel like the tagline gets washed out.

Blurb: 9/10

I think the description is really good. It describes what the book is about accurately and gives away just enough to get the reader caught in the book. It describes the genre, gives disclaimers early on, and really nails the mark. I do think the rhetorical question at the top isn't really necessary. Also, don't say your chapters are really short. It might turn some readers away and give them the wrong impression.

Chapter Analysis: 7/10

As for the first handful of Authors notes, I think you should compile it into one chapter and leave it at, cause otherwise it's way too many chapters that are not the actual book and it repels a lot of readers away.

Aesthetics: I don't think you should reveal how your characters look with pictures. It takes away the imagination part and keeps it from escalating from a good book to a great one.

Why I deducted points: I felt like there was a lack of description and a lot of telling. There was also an absence of Lianna in the story, which made it feel biased. The only character I realy connected to was Nick. There were also a lot of inconsistencies, all which I will point out. I also feel like you saw Andy Biersack and Emma Stone and made characters from them, rahter than make charafcters and then find face claims. This might be why I find Liana so static.


Beginning: I like the introspective start, where he wonders what we all wonder. What will we turn out to be, and will we accept it?

Imagery: And then, I love the switch to where he is, pressed up to a garbage can with a muscle man screaming at him. This scene would be soo much better with more descriptors though. Use sensory imagery to enhance the reader experience. Where is he, are there cracks in the cement? Does it smell? Does the guy look high?

Characterization: I already LOVE Nick's attitude. He's a savage, and he doesn't care about looking good to the public. This kinda adds a layer of issues to him. I wonder what happened to him.

I don't think the addition of their dating profiles is very smart. You described them perfectly before, I don't think you need a visual. It kinda makes it less professional and might cost you points in contests.


Show not tell: There is a lot of telling in this chapter. An example is heat descriptions. You often slipped out easy by telling us the temperature and that it was crazy hot. Instead, I suggest you show us, for example, having sweat bead down her forehead. Have her look at the high number on the AC and show her drinking a lot of water.

I thought the addition of the dog poo was great. It was a nice break from her inner monologues, and her knowledge also enhances the fact that she's worked here for so long.

Another example is the lunch. Instead of telling us she missed lunch again, have her look at her lunch, untouched, and how it was cold. Talk about how she felt bad for having to throw away cold and disgusting food.

Reviews 2.0Where stories live. Discover now