Adventures in Space and Time (Annie_Moon2001)

25 2 6

Reviewer: Annie_Moon2001

Author: charlieq2014


Cover: 8/10 

The cover is really beautiful. I'm not too comfortably with your texts. For one, it's a bit too small. It would be hard for someone to tell that's the title due to the size and organization. I'd advice that you increase your texts and if possible, centralize them. 

Another thing I observed was the mix of font. It's highly recommended that one uses three different fonts at most. But note that it'd be good to use them wisely and not in an experimental way. Like the way you did yours, I'm so not comfortable with it. You used different fonts. Like 4? Also, you wrote a word in capital letter throughout in the midst of initial capital letter. 

Description/Summary: 10/10I don't think there was any need for those ------ after writing "A reimagining of Doctor...".I'd advice that you write your numbers in words. This means "13 students" would be "thirteen students".Other than this, I really can't find any grammar error here. It was well written and it did spark a light of curiosity in me. I really wanted to know how they started decreasing in number due to their adventure. 

Chapter Review: 8/10 

Chapter One (A Star In Her Eye):I'm not really comfortable with the way you started this chapter. I think it'd be more better if you could separate the first two sentences, "St. Luke's University. 2017." from the rest of that paragraph. 

Also, I'll advice that you always remember to spell out your numbers. The only exception to this is when writing a year like 2013 or 2017. Another is when giving a range like 5 - 10. This means that the 13 you wrote, would be spelt out, thirteen.

The beginning of your dialogue was added to your very first paragraph. That is, the words said by Charlie.In the place of Charlie's speech, in the first paragraph, I'd advice that you use around instead of round. That way it'd be, "...he turned his head around to face them." 

In Charlotte's part of the dialogue, after writing whatever she said, I'd advice that you edit the sentence you used to describe her actions (don't really know the exact word to use). Instead of using or writing, "Charlotte turned to Christie..." you could try something like, "Charlotte said turning to Christie..." This is because she was addressing her words to Christie. 

The place you wrote that coffee was added to the tea for flavour, the one in the bracket, I'd advice that you remove it from the bracket and leave it be. It looks more better that way. 

When writing those he said, she said, remember to capitalise the H or the S whatever the case maybe.The place where you talked about the girl with a defected eye, I don't think there was a need to put "that looked like a star" in a bracket.Great first chapter. Although it needs brush up but the grammar, spellings and punctuation are on point.

Chapter Two (The Emoji Planet):In the place you wrote, "Uh, where d'you think you're going?", I'd advice you spell out the word "do you" and not write "d'you" because it doesn't exist. If you insist on not spelling it out, you could try "where'd you".

Using "the doctor called" sounds off. You can try adding "off" to the end.You should try working on your punctuation in this chapter. Like in the place where you wrote "Past or future." It should have been a question mark and not a full stop.This chapter doesn't have much grammar errors. I'm sorry for not pointing all of them out to you like the first chapter. 

There was something that confuses me at the end of this chapter. What happened to Goodthing? I'm pretty sure I didn't read about her in the rest of this chapter so what happened to her. Or did I miss something? The Doctor and his little crew could have seen her owing to the fact that she was smiling even after knowing her parents were dead. Also, did Kezzia die? You only mentioned later on that a lot of people had been killed that day but no mention of these two were made. 

Chapter Three (Frost Bite):Do note that when writing Oh my God, there's no need for a comma after the Oh. 

The place where you wrote "The man trailed off as he spun round to catch the doctor looking suspicious." I'd advice that you use around instead of round. 

There was a place you wrote, "What, was that an impolite question?" I'd advice that you write it like this instead. "What? Was that an impolite question?" 

There's a lot of progress in terms of grammar in this chapter. 

Chapter Six (Night of the Vampires):When writing OMG in full, you'd have to capitalise the G that way it'd be, Oh my God.

I noticed some errors concerning your punctuation. Some of them include, "Wait have you even gotten a plan?" You should have used a full stop or an exclamation mark or even a comma after the wait depending on the tone you're going for.Another is where you wrote, "Why, what is it? Who are they?" After the why, you're supposed to use a question mark and not a comma.I must admit like you said this is your strongest chapter yet. The grammar has strongly improved. 

Activity of the Writer: 8/10 

The writer replied to some comments in the comment box and all comments in the conversation box. 

Plot: 8/10 

I haven't really watched Doctor Who, I know what a shame. I've always wanted to watch it but well it's a series and I don't like watching movies half way. I've heard a lot of people talk about it and from reading your book, I'm very much curious to see how the real movie is. 

Moving away from me, back to business.I noticed a lot of progress as you went on. Less grammar errors. Your descriptions are detailed. I'd advise that you work on your scene shifts. Sometimes it's gets confusing and I'd have to reread that paragraph from the beginning. 

Note, it's nothing to be worried about because honestly all I think it needs is just editing.The book was really interesting and intriguing. Like I said before, the descriptions are really good. Although, I'd advice that you work a bit on some places when editing. Probably work on your vocabulary. Try to turn it up a notch.

Overall Advice: 

I'll advice that you carefully go through what I pointed out and use it to edit your book. Honestly speaking, someone can never be done editing a book because everyone has different perspectives and a way they believe things should be written. So, I'd advice you still try to edit this book because there might be a possibility of me missing something. 

I'm sorry that i couldn't write down a review on all the chapters. But i made sure to write on Chapter 6 since you said it's your best chapter. 

That all aside, I'll rate this book a 9/10.

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