Forbidden (onebluerose)

56 2 2

Reviewer: onebluerose

Author: OptimisticDragonfly


Cover: 9/10

The cover is nice and simple. The title and author name is somewhat clear and readable. I
suggest increasing the font size a bit. The cover does not give away anything about the story
(though maybe it was the royal emblem without the flame but Idk) but once I've started
reading, I could say it suits the book. 

Description / Summary: 9/10

The description is written really well. It is very interesting. Just some suggestions. First,
remove the sentence, "They are both unnatural." It kinda spoils the mystery of the secret
though a reader might not immediately have a clue what it means. I think it'll give more
intrigue as to what binds them together. Second, consider adding 'by' in here " But
surrounded [by] violence, darkness, and betrayal, they can't keep their secret
forever."

Chapter Review: 9/10

The chapters were written very well. The setting of the story was well described. There was
substantial action on every chapter that a reader won't be discouraged to read further.

Character development was also well done. The emotions and moods in each chapter
reached out to me from inside the screen. It was really good. Page by page rouses curiosity
more each time. I would just suggest adding more to worldbuilding as I noticed there was
only a bit. One point, I just want to make, the development of the main characters'
relationship was kinda fast. I understand that such a heavy secret binds them but I think the
story would kill more if there was more anticipation. Also, can you give more backstory as to
how the main characters found out they were different? It may be just a peek but at least it'll
give us some idea. There was no confusion about who they are at the present but I want to
see how they each found out, the emotions and the gravity of that realization.

Main Characters: 9/10

The personalities and motivations of the main characters were established well. There was a
point where I hated Ethan, to be honest, but considering the situation he was in, his actions
and feelings were understable. Gaven's character is kind and soft, opposite to that of his
father. He also seemed quite gullible at times. I just hope that their character's will develop
and grow stronger in the coming chapters. I am also waiting for the King's backstory as well
as the Queen's. They are essential in the main character's life so I am expecting some depth
to them and not become just one dimensional evil and indifferent characters.

Activity of the Writer: 10/10

The author replies to feedback/comments on the story as well as to those on her
conversation feed.

Plot: 8/10

So far, the story is good and has potential. It is written very well. It piques interest and gives
a reader trust issues as you go along.

Overall Advice:

The story is really good. [I will read it all the way once my schedule gets back on track.] I just
hope you don't kill off characters based on convenience or just forget about them in the
future like they did not exist at all. Also, give the King and Queen's characters some depth. It
would also be great if there was a potion of the story dedicated as to how the main
characters found out they were unnatural. I also suggest that you consider adding a bit more
tension and anticipation between Gaven and Ethan before that one explosive closet
moment.

This is just my opinion. A single person's point of view. Please know that the things I pointed
out are not flat out negativity but rooms for improvement. Also, please feel free to ask
questions if you have any. Thank you for trusting me!



Reviews 2.0Where stories live. Discover now