Abandoned by an Alpha (Annie_Moon2001)

37 3 5

Reviewer: Annie_Moon2001

Author: LPDillon


Cover: 10/10 

Great cover! I love the cover especially the theme, black and white. I also love the fonts used. 

Description/Summary: 9/10 

To me, I think the three paragraphs that started the description/summary, that is the first half should be at the bottom. You also need to work on your grammar and punctuations. 

Chapter Review: 8/10 

I read your book up to the sixth chapter. The story is really great and very interesting. In general, the book needs thorough editing. You'll need to work on your organization, punctuation and grammar. 

Prologue: 

In your third paragraph where you wrote, "...bouncing up and down to the music in front of me." I thought that adding "in front if me was a little too much. It'll be a lot better if you don't add it. That way it'd be, "...bouncing up and down to the music." The "in front of me", makes it seem like the speakers or the crowd, was just in front of her and she was probably near a wall or bar or something. Other than that, it was well written. The grammar and spellings are on point. 

Chapter one: 

So far, it's really interesting. There's something that's a bit confusing though. In the prologue, you stated that she was 5 ft 4 and then in this chapter, chapter one, you said she was 5 ft 7.

I think you should really space out your dialogues. That way one would easily know when a particular character is done talking. Plus, it'll help for proper organization and easier reading. So that when a reader stops somewhere due to work, he or she can easily come back and not have to start all the way from the beginning. 

Chapter two: 

You really need to space out your dialogues because right now it looks really unorganized. There are no much errors here. All you need to do is edit it a bit taking note of your punctuation and grammar. I'll also advice that you don't write numbers rather you spell them out. It's just in some few cases that you wouldn't require to spell them out like when writing a time range or something like that. 

Chapter three: 

Like I said for the second chapter, it's best you write out or spell out those numbers. This chapter still needs a little editing in terms of grammar and punctuation. 

Activity of the Writer: 8/10 

The writer replies to all messages on the conversation board but didn't reply to all in the comment box. 

Plot: 10/10 

The story is very interesting and well written. I love the way you revealed Tristan, Tyler and Cassie's true form to Freya. The fact that it wasn't cliché but was like what could possibly happen in reality. I highly recommend this book to all wattpaders. 

Overall Advice: 

I'll just advice that you take note of everything I've pointed out and use some, if not all to improve your book. 

That all aside, I'll be rating this book a 9/10.


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