Theft: A One Direction Fanfic (Keefehugs)

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Reviewer: Keefehugs

Author: TheLarryParasite


Cover: 9/10The cover looks great; all the words are readable. It's also great that at first glance, readers would see it is a fan fiction of One Direction. Love it :D

Description\Summary: 6/10You sorta used the least words possible to fully describe this book. The description of the book could use a lot more... Description.

Chapter Review: 7/10

At the beginning of the book you had a lot of unnecessary extras before the story even started. I think those could go to the back of the book. (You could leave an Authors note on the first chapter that there are extra at the end of the book) Done readers don't want to have to see all the extras before starting the story.

The prologue of the book was really intense. It held a lot of action. And I mean a lot. That's great. But.... I might put a little more emotion in this scene :) You also has a huge run on sentence that turned into a whole paragraph towards the beginning. 

Chapter One: I was so happy to see good description in this chapter! You had a good amount of dialogue, but I think the dialogue could have more meaning and less curse words. The plot was slow, but it was a good break after the rapid pace of the prologue. 

Chapter Two: One thing I would change with this chapter is how fast you are adding characters. In this case "The more the merrier" does not apply. It is harder for the reader to keep the characters straight if they are all introduced at once. I would also add more description of the characters in to help. The plot development was great though.

Activity of Writer: 6/10

The author did not reply to many comments on the book, only to a few.

Overall Advice:

I would fix the run on sentence\paragraph in your prologue. And also work on how you introduce the characters. You are doing great with spelling, so I'm not too worried about that. And work on meaningful dialogue that contributes to the story. You have a good plot so far :)



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