Unmasked Secrets (onebluerose)

54 4 2

Reviewer: onebluerose

Author: FutureWriterLA 


Cover: 9/10 

Nice cover! It is simple but the image gives a somewhat comic book vibe. The title and author's name are clear and readable too.

Description / Summary: 8/10 

The summary is good. It presents what the main dilemma in the story is. Though I'd say the part. "But the difference is that civilians rather take care of the issues than let a hero inside the town. Is that right? Or wrong?" is kind of out of place. I suggest removing the "but the difference is that" phrase as the statement you are making is not contrary to the preceding. Also the sentence "Villains don't get a good reputation..." should come after the sentence about the civilians. They sound more organized and coherent that way in my opinion.

Chapter Review: 8/10 

I have read the story up to the sixth chapter. There are grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Also, the tenses you used often change from present to past then present then past again. I love how you painted the relationships in your story. The dialogues and the humor was great too.

Chapter 1: 

There are some sentences that I would suggest rephrasing. For example, "What they did right was that they removed my mask." It could be, "The only thing they did right was remove my mask." I also suggest rechecking the paragraphs in this chapter. Some of them used the same word twice, making it sound redundant. For example, " His expression changes and [he] straightens his back. The atmosphere in the room changes, since the guys in the back..." The metal they were talking about in the chapter should also have, at least, some background information besides the name. The main character's power, I think, should be described more vividly. "Heat up my arms" and "focused my look" seems inadequate. The fight scene you included could also use direction on its description. Did she throw the chair to her right or left? I think it helps readers to see/imagine the action more clearly. Also, I am not a fan of the "He had cyanide," statement without any other description as to what happened (implications aside). The heroes who arrived at the scene had no description regarding their appearance either.

I liked the main character's comment about spandex. It seemed real, if you know what I mean. The bond between the two friends was also presented clearly. Their dialogue about school life and villain life was also great. Such nonchalance between them as one of them said, "not that both of us were tracking down a gang of metal thieves..." 

Chapter 2: 

I suggest avoiding the use of parentheses to explain or describe something. The reactions of the main character in this chapter were good. For example, the confusion of how to act after

such a traumatic incident was believable and at the same time, funny. The main character's relationship with her mother was also clearly depicted in their interaction.

Chapter 3: 

The way you have incorporated the life of the characters into the "normal" was great. Though I think instead of revision, what you mean is review the topics they have forgotten over the summer? This chapter had also shown everything that could go wrong but I wonder could it get any worse for the main character?

Main Characters: 9/10 

The characters were real and relatable. The relationship between Elene and Dalila was really great. They were like sisters and I am certain every reader could find something they can relate to with them. The coldness of Elene's mother pierces my screen. I could feel the tension between the two of them but I could sense, well maybe I am hoping, that the main character's mother would have some redeeming point in the end. I could also sense something going wrong with the main character's group of friends. The personalities you created are great. The mystery of the hero who saved Elene also catches interest pretty well.

Activity of the Writer: 10/10 

The author replies to feedback/comments on the story as well as on their conversation feed.

Plot: 9/10 

The plot is interesting. It was not trying hard or cringy. There were substantial amount of action every chapter and the events tied to one another perfectly. With the way the author is going, I think it has lot more to offer in the future. Great work.

Overall Advice: 

The story is great. Needs a little editing because of some grammar and spelling mistake but overall, nice job!

This is just my opinion. A single person's point of view. Please know that the things I pointed out are not flat out negativity but rooms for improvement. Also, please feel free to ask questions if you have any. Thank you for trusting me!



Reviews 2.0Where stories live. Discover now