Cry For Me

Chapter 15

"Colton, is it?" I look up from the floor and see a nurse standing at the door.

"That's me," I say, standing up.

"Miss Sutter is allowed visitors now. Her mother asked me to inform you," she says. She points me in the direction of her room and I run to it. I've been waiting too long to find what's happening. I need to see her. I need her to talk to me.

I finally reach her room and the door is closed. I look through the glass window and see Camryn on the hospital bed, asleep. Her parents are sitting on either side of her and a nurse is walking towards the door.

I step out of the way to let her out. I let the door close behind her. I'm not sure I want to go in yet. I know this is what I've been waiting for, but now I'm scared. I call the nurse that just walked out.

"Um, excuse me," I call out. She turns around and gives me a smile.

"What can I help you with sweetie?" she asks. She is a short woman, maybe in her fifties with a name tag that says 'Anne'.

"How is she?" I ask, nodding my head towards Camryn's door. Her smile fades away.

She walks back towards me and looks at Cam through the window. "She was in critical condition when she got here, but the doctors were able to stabilize her," she sighs.

"Do you know when she'll be up?"

"It's tough to say, sweetie," she's sighs, taking a step closer to me. "She's suffering a concussion and the doctors did what they needed, now, it's a waiting game."

I'm not sure what to do with this information. Is there a chance she won't wake up? That can't be possible, she needs to wake up.

She doesn't deserve this. She didn't belong out there on the road. What the hell happened out there?

"Do you know what happened?" I ask Anne.

"Drunk driver," she says quietly and my heart stops. "Bastard made it out with a few bruises." She looks up at me after saying that as if she want supposed to. She reaches up and pats me on the shoulder and then walks away.

A drunk driver. A fucking drunk driver. Camryn is so fucking against drunk driving and I know this by the way she yelled at me that night. I knew it was a stupid thing to do and I haven't even had a drink since that night. She hated the fact that I put myself and others in danger but I was fine and she wasn't.

It isn't fair. It's not even her fault and she's in worse condition than the jackass that caused this. I should find him and beat the shit out of him, but I wouldn't dare to leave Camryn right now.

I take a deep breath and find every ounce of bravery in my body and use it to help me open the door. I reach for the knob and pull it open. Her parents both turn their heads quickly and then relax when they see me.

I don't acknowledge them, even though I probably should, I just walk to the foot of the hospital bed.

Camryn looks so peaceful, so calm. Her eyes are shut gently but there are prominent bruises around them. She's covered in tubes and needles are pricking her all over. She has a cannula helping her breath and I can see her chest gently rising and falling. She's going to wake up. I know it.

I need to talk to her. I need her to know how I feel about her, but how can I do that with her parents in the room? I want to ask them to give me a minute, but something tells me that's not right. I glance at Camryn's mother and she looks back at me with glossy eyes. She's been crying some more. I look at her, then back at Camryn, then back at her.

It finally clicks in her head and she stands up from her seat. "David, why don't we go get something to eat from the cafeteria?" she asks her husband. He looks like he's about to protest,but then he looks at me and agrees.

After they both leave the room, I take a seat in the chair her mom was sitting in and scoot it closer to Camryn. I stare at her for a few moments before reaching for her hand. Some device is covering her finger, to track something important, I assume. I rub circles on the back of her hand with my thumb.

I think this is the most affectionate contact I've had with her besides our kiss and it makes my insides turn. Our kiss. She caught me completely off guard and despite the actions that took place earlier that night, it was the best night of my life. Why did I have to be so cruel.

I can feel an unwelcome emotion peeking through my hard wall of complete bullshit and my eyes begin to water. I know my time alone with her is limited so I begin to talk.

"Hi, Camryn," I whisper. "I don't really know if you can hear me or not, but I wanted to say I'm sorry. Sorry for being such a dick to you and trying to fight the feelings I have for you. I'm an idiot and I'm sorry, it just scared me, you know?" I take a deep breath and try to continue. I've never expressed my feelings like this before.

"I didn't know it was possible for someone to want me like you want me. I didn't know it was possible for me to want someone like I want you. The fear of screwing it up scared me so much, I thought I might as well not even try with you. I thought that if I pushed you away, we'd both be better off, but I was wrong. I just can't stay away from you, Camryn. I tried, but I can't. I don't know why I avoided you this week. I guess it just goes back to me being scared. I've told you things about myself I've never told anyone, and that terrifies me. I thought it'd terrify you too." I stop and wait as if expecting a reaction, but one never comes.

"I now know what I want, and that's you. On my way here, I thought "What if I'm too late," and that thought hurt more than anything I've ever felt before. I know that I'm a coward for saying this to you now, and I'd be more than happy to repeat myself once you wake up, ecstatic even. That's why I need you to open your eyes Camryn, so I can tell you how much I need you."

I squeeze her hand softly and stare at her eyelids, waiting for them to flicker open. But they don't.

Her parents walk in a few moments later and I stand up from the chair.

"You don't have to go, Colton," her mom says to me.

"I wasn't going to," I reply as I make my way to an empty chair near the door. I sit and patiently wait for Camryn to come back to me.