Chapter 59

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Camryn's POV

I run. I run as fast as I can to the entrance of the hospital as soon as my mom stops the car. She calls out for me to wait but I don't listen.

I slow down once I reach a short dark woman at the front desk. She looks at me worriedly as I try to catch my breath. "My.. my boyfriend, Colton Sommers... was in an accident," I manage to say. The lady doesn't say anything, she just looks confused. "Where is he? He was brought here!" I snap.

The lady looks spooked but it gets her to type on her computer. I feel and hand on my shoulder, my mom finally caught up.

"He was admitted to the trauma unit, he was just rushed into surgery," she says scanning her screen. Surgery? Trauma? My heart is pounding so fast I think I going to have a heart attack. "You can wait for him in the second floor waiting room."

My mom thanks her and takes my hand. She walks me to an elevator and we make our way to the waiting room.

My mom tells a nurse who we're waiting for and she said she'd tell us as soon as he's out. I sit in the waiting room with my hands covering my face.

I shouldn't have let him go. I knew he shouldn't have been riding that thing. I should've stopped him and I didn't. I didn't and now he's in surgery fighting for his life. How am I supposed to keep sane while I'm waiting to hear the love of my life's fate?

***

243. 243 scattered polka dots on a single hospital floor tile so far. 243 is when I had to stop counting. Number 243 is when a doctor came into the waiting room. He looks young, he looks sad.

"Camryn Sutter?" He asked, or at least I think he did, I can barely hear over the sound of my heart beating.

I nod nervously as I stand from my seat. The look on his face makes me think of the first time Colton ever came into my room. I don't know why. I remember that night like it was yesterday. I was snooping when I heard yelling. He climbed into my room to get away. I knew that night that he was something special. I knew that as I fell asleep on my bed and he sat on the floor. I knew it. Just how I know that this doctor carries no good news.

"I'm... I'm so sorry..." he starts. I knew it. I hear my mom gasp behind me as she reaches for me. "We did everything we could, there was just nothing..."

I shake my head. "No," I say quietly. "No. No. No!" I repeat until I'm screaming it in the doctor's face. The thought of Colton yelling at me trying to get away just a few hours earlier floods my mind. "You're lying!" This can't be possible.

My face is burning hot and my body is shaking. My mom touches my arm and I flinch. "No, stop it!" I cry. I get away from my moms touch and away from the doctor's news.

I start running down the hall full of nurses until I find the staircase. I need air. I can't breathe and I need air. My lungs burn as I make my way to the rooftop.

I push the door open and gasp, allowing the nights air to fill my lungs. This can't be real. It just can't be.

I squeeze my eyes shut, and all I can see is his face. His beautiful face yelling at me, smiling at me, telling me he loves me. I sink to my knees and cry. This cry is ugly. This cry is serious. There is nothing romantic about this cry. There is nothing romantic about the sadness I'm feeling in my heart. It's not romantic. It's painful.

I begin choking on my own sobs and my sleeves are being covered in fluids. My lungs are on fire and I realize it's because I'm screaming. I'm screaming but I can't hear myself. I can't hear anything, not the wind, not the traffic below me. But I can feel it in my throat. I'm screaming.

Strong arms are suddenly wrapped around me from behind pulling me up. I try my hardest to fight them off as I continue to scream. My mom's blurry face appears in front of me, taking my face in her hands. I see her lips moving but I can't hear her. Her face gets harder with every lip movement.

"Camryn!!" Her voice finally breaks the surface and she holds my face tighter, trying to stop my fight.

I stop screaming. "He's gone," I tell her. "Mommy, Colton's gone." My voice cracks at his name and I sob as my heart aches for my love.

The strong arms release me and my mom pulls me into hers. "He's gone," I repeat. My mom rubs the back of my head as I continue to cry into her chest. Colton's gone.

***
A big man sits next to me as the doctor explains to my mother and I what happened. The man's shirt says Psych.

I don't listen to the doctor. I try to tune him out until he says something that gets me. "Would you like to see him?"

***

My mom waits in the hall as a nurse walks me in to see Colton. As soon as she opens the door I see him. He's on a table with a sheet covering half his body.

"I'll leave you alone," the nurse whispers with her head down as she exits the room.

I approach the table slowly until I'm hovering over him. He looks like he could just be sleeping. He looks like he's going to wake up any second. A tear lands on his chest and I wipe my face quickly. I grab a nearby stool and sit beside him.

I take his hand in mine and flinch at the coolness. I almost lose it. His warm strong hands are no more.

I shake my head and turn my focus to his face. I begin to talk.

"The tables really turned on this one huh?" I say, trying to stay as calm as possible. "You were the one holding my hand in a hospital, but now it's switched. But it's not fair.." I start to choke up, "It's not fair because I woke up on you Colton, I woke up, and you.. you..." I can't even say it. I close my eyes and try to collect myself. I look at him again. "I shouldn't have let you leave me. I shouldn't have. I know you were mad at me and just wanted to get away but I should've kept trying. I should've jumped in front of you, I should've found a way to stop you, but I didn't. I hate the fact that my last words to you weren't 'I love you'. I hate the fact that your last words to me weren't 'I love you'. I hate the fact that you left me here. I hate the fact that you left me here on earth without you, without the man that I love more than anything. I hate it."

I squeeze his hand as I begin to lose myself. I can't. I can't be next to his lifeless body anymore. It's killing me.

I take his face into my hands and kiss his cool lips. Tears make his cheeks shine and I don't wipe them away because it makes him look less gone. He isn't, but at least he'll look it.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to be the first to go. He said it himself, no love lasts forever, someone's always the first to go, but it wasn't supposed to be him.

It shouldn't have been him.

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