Heal // z.m

For Rose without roses

For my Rose.

Rose, before you start reading this book, I need to explain a few things.

Do you remember my secret flower project? The times where I would carefully shove down a flower into my pockets and you'd ask me why I would do that? Where I would tell you that curiosity didn't flatter you? (It did, trust me, I loved and love everything about you) Well.. this is it. I hope you'll like the meaning of it.

Rose, when my feelings started to grow for you, I had always wanted to take you out on a date. I'd take you to whatever you would've liked, we'd talk.. laugh.. have fun, just be with each other, we'd cuddle, we'd kiss.. but I couldn't. I was stuck in a hospital, feeling sick or being in pain every other day. There wasn't a chance that it would happen.

I got hope when I could spend the holidays at my house with you. It was my chance, so I thought. I would be free and I could take you to all the nice places from my childhood, the secret places I never shared with anyone and kept for that one specific person that'd come into my life. You. But I became sick again, weak, exhausted, I couldn't do it.

If I could have done it, I would've bought you flowers. I know you'd like it. You told me you liked flowers after all, except for roses.

Knowing that I could never take you out on a date and meaning I couldn't buy you flowers, I made a book full of dried up flowers which all have a meaning or a memory behind it.

It's my bouquet for you. It's different, it's special, but so was our relationship. It fits us. We weren't the clichés, so isn't this bouquet.

It's my own book made for you, with all the love I have.

'For Rose, without roses.'

Love, Zayn.

Flower 1

Well, this might be my favorite. Do you remember the very first time when I took you to the eighth floor after I helped you with your homework? The room, my escape.. I plucked this flower that night. We had lied down on the bed, stared up at the skylight and just talked about random stuff, trying to get to know each other.

It was the first time we had a proper talk for hours long and I already knew at that time that I wanted to get to know you even better, although I'd never admit that around that time. You were amusing, Rose. You were funny and adorable, something I already loved about you.

Well, that's why this is the first flower of the bouquet, because it's the first one I plucked on the first night I took you up there, on the balcony when we were staring at London, how the whole city was lit up in the darkness. Where this whole idea started. Can we go back to that time?

Flower 2