Heal // z.m

eighteen | beanies & food

Zayn

Now that I was feeling much better, physically but also mentally, my mum and I decided to go out for the day and buy some new beanies for me. The doctor and nurses had allowed me to go, which I was grateful for.

It had been a few days since I had become completely bald and I started to accept it more and more each day that went by. The first day was horrible, but after crying everything out with Caroline I felt much better. I could already look at myself in the mirror the next morning without a lot of negative thoughts.

Of course they were still there sometimes, but I was doing well. I tried to stay positive and see the good things in it. I had discovered a few freckles, seven to be specific, on the sides of my head I would've never noticed when I had hair. Those were just small and useless details, but it was something positive for me to focus on and I quite liked it. Who had ever counted freckles on their bald head before?

Rose hadn't seen me yet and I was happy for that because for some reasons, her seeing me bald, was going to be a difficult and nervous situation for me. I didn't want her to see me bald and I couldn't really explain why. Maybe I was still slightly insecure about it and especially because I sometimes felt like impressing her, also not really knowing why.

My mum had seen my bald head on Facetime already but I still didn't really feel comfortable without anything on my head. I liked to cover it up with my beanie but I only had one. That's why mum came up with this idea.

I was sitting on my bed with my jacket, shoes and of course- the beanie already on. My mum would be here any moment and I couldn't wait to hug her. It was one of the many things I missed about her. Her hugs would never fail to make me feel better.

I glanced at the clock and then at my phone, wondering if someone sent me a message. I had a few messages with the best wishes and 'get well soon' but I hadn't replied to any of them. It was probably rude, but I just didn't feel like it yet. I did hang up the cards and letters I got, though. I thought letters were more personal, so I did appreciate them a lot.

Coincidence or not, my mother came into my room with a small bag full of envelopes. "Good morning, darling." She gave me her warmest smile and I stood up to pull her into a big hug, feeling her comfort and warmth.

"Hi, mum." I sniffed and her familiar perfume filled up my nose, making me smile. Oh, how I had missed her. I pressed a kiss on her cheek and pulled away from her, my eyes roaming over her face.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" She stroked my cheek and placed the bag on my bed. Her expression stood concerned, but then again, it always was.

I smiled. "I'm fine. Do you want to see?" I knew she was curious. It looked different in real life, obviously. So, without hesitating I took off my beanie and showed her my bald head.

She now stroked my head and placed a soft kiss on it. "You're beautiful Zayn." She kissed my cheek again and I could feel how she was pouring her motherly love into them, making me feel warm and extremely grateful to have her as my mother. "We're going to buy a lot of nice beanies or whatever you want."

I nodded and smiled while pulling the black one I had over my head. I pointed at the bag. "Are these for me?"

"Yes." She smiled. "They're all asking when you're coming home." She sighed softly and sat down on my bed while emptying the bag on my bed.

I grabbed a random card and opened it. "I don't know if I'm allowed to spend a weekend at home, but I can always ask." I said, wondering who wrote the card for me.

"It will be good. Your sisters miss you, Zayn. But their studies are so busy, it's not practical for them to spend their weekends here. They'll come along soon, though." My mum stroked my back softly and read the cards with me.