Heal // z.m

two | wrong departments & hazel eyes

Rose

"Why did I start university in the first place." I mumbled as I ran my fingers through my loose, dark brown hair. Not knowing if they had certain protocols about the way you should wear your hair, I decided on loose today. Making a bun or braid out of my long hair didn't take long, anyway.

I didn't want to think about it yet, though. Because if here was one thing that I feared and disliked, then it would be internship. Spending your days at University wasn't everything either, but I'd still choose that if I had the choice.

There weren't a lot of specific reasons, though. It was great to finally work out things taught theoretically in practical tasks, but I just wasn't the best at meeting new people. And besides that, I felt like I was thrown into a big hole where I had to find out everything myself. I had to climb out of my comfort zone all the time and I hated that.

I didn't even have breakfast today because I couldn't get anything down my throat. The nerves made me nauseous although I knew once I was there everything would be just fine, I was just really good in overthinking and making up scenarios that- most likely- wouldn't ever happen.

The moment to get there was the hardest and most nerve racking part. Because first of all, I didn't even know where to go. They gave me the address of the hospital, the floor and that was it. Not even a name from someone who was going to work with me and explain me things.

And if I hated one thing, then it was haziness. I needed everything to be clear before I want to do something or go somewhere. But that was just me. No one else thought like that, apparently.

"Breathe, Rose." I told myself when thoughts clouded my mind for the hundredth time this morning. Once I calmed down, I started the car and set up the navigation, telling me that the drive would take about twenty minutes.

That meant I still had a while to overthink and make amazing scenarios of how bad today can go. Oh, Rose, aren't you just so amazing.

Turning up the volume of the radio to hopefully stop overthinking, it didn't seem to help. Dawn had yet to awake from its sleep, and was therefore still dark and quiet. There were barely any drivers on the road, so I didn't have anyone to scold either.

I just felt like something going wrong in traffic, so I had a reason to scold those people and not worry about my internship.

"Stop this, Rose. My goodness." I told myself again. I switched gears and drove off, following the route on my navigation but secretly wondering if I should just go the other way and drive towards Scotland or something.

Deep in thoughts, I jumped when my phone started ringing out of nowhere. I saw the word 'mum' and I picked up right away as I placed the phone on my phone holder.

"Hi." I answered.

"Sweetheart, you forgot your lunch!" My mum replied, causing me to roll my eyes.

I groaned, "Great! Just amazing! The day hasn't even started and things go wrong already." I bit my lip to prevent it from trembling and still followed the navigation.

My mum sighed, "Rose, you need to stop worrying so much. Trust me it will be just fine. You'll have a nice time, I promise you. You've been wanting to become a nurse since you were a little girl. It's going to become reality."

"Well, I can't help that reality is such a stupid and scary thing." I mumbled. "But great, thanks for the advice mum. See you later today." I hung up after that, muttered things to myself and continued to drive until I reached the huge- but then huge - hospital.

I parked my car, stepped out and stared at it for a few minutes before allowing myself to walk over to the also big entrance. A lot of people walking in and out, patients and nurses, doctors, whatever they were.