Jennifer's POV.
I ordered wine. I was laying on the floor, looking at the ceiling, as one really slow and calming melody was playing trough the speakers. Some tears were still falling down and I was sobbing. I was so heartbroken, so disappointed... I didn't know why, it felt like everything was a dream, then I woke up. When I thought everything was going great, then this happened. I always had that feeling deep inside that there was something that was not right, I guess I didn't want to believe it and I pushed it deeper than it already was.
I was deep in my thoughts and then I heard the doorbell ring. I widened my eyes and looked around. I stood up slowly and just waited. Then there was it again. I walked to the door and just opened it, without even looking through it. I just opened it, and I shouldn't have.
Don't even ask me how, it was Leah.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, I just walked away. She got in and closed the door. I walked to the room and went back to the place I was before.
"Jennifer....we need to talk, I know it's all my fault, and I'm trying to fix it. Please listen to me." She said waiting for me to answer. I closed my eyes. "Jennifer?" "Go ahead, I'm listening." I said really quietly.
She sighed and laid down beside me. I opened my eyes and looked at her and then closed them again, sobbing.
"I'm sorry, this is something that went out of my hands, completely out of control, it was beyond me. It's beyond me. I should've told you, I should've done a lot of things I didn't. But now that I'm here, and I did what I did, I got accepted for the research, and all that, I just- I don't regret it."
"I wanted to marry you." I said and laughed sarcastically, "how silly. I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life." I finished and by then I was already crying. "I'm so sorry. I'd so tell you to come with me, but this is not going to get any better, I'm going to be extra busy, and you don't deserve that. Not at all. You just, you just need to know how much I love you, and that will never end." She said. "I just want to know why?" I asked, referring to basically everything. "Why what?" She asked and I shrugged. She took a deep breath, "if it's about the internship...Because of my mother. I need to dig further, I need to come up with something, that's why it was breast cancer. If it's because of me, ending things, right now...it's because I know you deserve so much more than what I have to offer. This is breaking my heart, because I never wanted something or someone as much as I want you, but this is not right. I'm not giving my all, and this is just not right. I need to focus on something else right now. I'll miss you beyond everything. But I just need to let you go. I'm so sorry..." she said and I could hear how her voice was cracking. My tears were flowing like a river.
"Thank you..for saying- that." I managed to say.
"This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do, after letting my mother go. You don't understand how much I'm suffering right now."
"Can you stop? Stop trying to always make things about you- I get it: you feel bad. But just think about how- ho- how I'm feeling right now. Just try...for one fucking second, to stop thinking about your fucking self. Then that's the real thing, I get this is hard, but you're not alone." I exhaled and cleaned my face.
"I'm sorry, Jennifer. I really am. Maybe this was not the right time, maybe just for now, we are not meant to be together." She said and reached for my hand. She squeezed it and I didn't stop her.
"But people get over it, so will I, so will you. I'm glad, really glad, you got accepted, I'm happy for you and I hope everything works out the way you want it." I said and she squeezed my hand tighter and sniffed.
I felt her hand on my cheek and I just kept my eyes closed. She caressed my skin as another slow melody was playing through the speakers and filling the room.
Then I felt her lips over mine. At first I hesitated.
"Please...one last night." She whispered. I opened my eyes and she was there, right in front of me. I loved her so much, it was so hard to let her go. I looked at her straight into her beautiful brown eyes, the eyes I fell in love with. I cried a lot, I couldn't stop, she just let me.
We stared at each other for a few seconds and then I grabbed her by her neck and pulled her closer for a kiss. A deep, passionate and slow kiss.
I couldn't let her go,
I needed to, but I wasn't ready.
I was not ready to let the lips I was in love with go, I couldn't let the girl of my dreams go...
But I needed to.
I pulled away, but our foreheads were pressed against each other, "Leah..." I whispered, "Please...one last night. Make me feel like everything is going to be okay, make me feel like this is all just a nightmare and I'll wake up to my normal life in the morning. That everything will be alright. Leah...make me yours." I whispered as my voice went downhill at the end. "Oh Jen...I'm so sorry, baby." she kissed me again, and again.
She did. She did made me feel like she always did. Like I was the most amazing person on earth, like it was only the two of us.
The night went on, and I found it harder for me to let her go.
We were laying on the floor, naked and satisfied, but there was so much going on inside our heads. I couldn't stop thinking.
"Stop thinking. We are going to be okay...I'll always be here." "Not really." I added. "I'm always going to be here." She assured. I rolled my eyes and ignored her.
She removed the covers and ran her hand down my abdomen and stopped where the tattoo was. She traced her finger over it making me close my eyes. She moved down and placed herself in between my legs. She kissed the tattoo several times and before going down on me for the fourth time that night, she looked up at me and spoke, "I'm always going to be yours...even when I'm not, I'm yours."
----
So that was it...
She left.
I moved to the apartment my parents got me and it felt like her scent was permanently around me. I missed her way more than I was planning on. She left to Australia, to do what she wanted to, to follow her dreams. That was the only thing that made me feel better, this was for her own good, I needed to do it. I let her go for good.
Maybe we would meet later on. Life has its ways. As she said maybe we were not meant to be together at that moment, maybe we would meet later when we both were in a better place.
But even if we didn't get together ever again, she was always going to be a very important part of my life. I loved her, more than I've loved anyone ever. She was tattooed on my skin, and my life.
It's not like in the movies, in real life there is not always a happy ending, but perhaps there is. I hope so, it gives me hope because it means it's just not the end...
_
Well, the end. (?)
Thank you sm for reading thisss!!! I started this around the beginning of 2017, and since we are already in 2018, I'm gonna be posting a new one really soon (it's actually kinda the second part 😊) I hope you liked it, even tho the end is a lil sad. Lol, anyways, thank u for reading (once again). See u later❤️
-a.
