Jennifer's POV.
Leah went back to work on weekends. She was doing some research on breast cancer and she needed the time, so I barely saw her anymore. She spent too much time at the hospital and sometimes I needed to go there in order to see her at least a few minutes. I needed to get myself busy so I could just ignore the fact that Leah was basically absent in my life at this point. I got in yoga classes at night and on weekends I would catch up on work.
It was Sunday and I was having a lazy day. It was raining and I was curled up my blanket watching a movie.
Then Leah got home. Probably around 8pm.
"Hey babe." She said and walked inside the kitchen. I looked at her and then back at my movie. "Hello..." I said dryly and she walked closer. I didn't take the eyes off the screen. "Jen!?" "What!? I'm busy..." I said and rolled my eyes. Leah sighed, "I'm sorry." She apologized and I didn't even move, I continued watching my movie. She literally stood up and turned the tv off, by unplugging it.
"Leah!" I complained and looked at her mad, really mad, she was trying me. "I just want to talk to you!" "I don't care! I'm watching a fucking movie, it's not whenever you want, get your shit together! You're barely home anymore and when you are you try to act like if nothing's up. Fuck you." I said, and I didn't mean the last part, but I was so mad...
"Jennifer..." she said quietly. "No! I'm mad. I'm sorry I said that, but I'm really mad." "I'm sorry." She apologized again, "I just, I'm just- I'm sorry, I don't have an excuse, I know what I'm doing is not right. I'm sorry." She sighed. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my phone walking inside the bedroom.
She followed me and closed the door behind her.
"I need to talk to you about something." She said.
"I knew there was something going on. I knew it. I could feel it." I said tears threatening to come out. She looked down and started playing with her hands, "I'm sorry." She said almost as a whisper. "What is it!? Damnit." I yelled. "I-" she sighed, "I got accepted to continue the research in Australia." She said and I narrowed my eyes, "What are you talking about? When did you apply? What is this? Australia?" I was so confused. "I- I've been trying to tell you but I just didn't know how to." "Leah, what the fuck? Australia? Why didn't you tell me before? What is wrong with you?" I had mixed emotions at the moment. I was sad, angry, confused...I wanted to scream and cry. "It's an internship, to continue the research on breast cancer on an investigation center in Australia, it's a hospital, they got a research center, I sent there the offer an-" "How long ago?" I asked wiping my tears away. "A month before my mother passed away." She said, "please don't cry." She walked closer and grabbed my hand. "Don't- don't touch me. Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were good. I don't understand, Leah." I continued crying and she just stayed there. "I just didn't know how to. I'm sorry." "When are you leaving?" I asked, expecting her to tell me she was not leaving or at least offering me to go with her, I was so heartbroken. "Probably next month." "Oh so you accepted it? Ha...unbelievable." I shook my head. "This is really important for me and I wouldn't doubt one second about it, I knew that if I told you you would get like this, and you would make me overthink it and feel bad about it, I want to go, I will go. Understand this please." I looked at her not truly believing this.
She would be so persistent about the whole nothing last forever/everything is temporary shit, that even if things were meant to last, she pushed them to just end, not even giving it a chance. It was absolutely crazy. When things were fine, I was okay, I didn't even care about her being certain way, I loved that. But when she made me upset, it would be so unfair the way she acted. I knew she cared, or at least that what she tried to make me believe, but I never knew. She would get this moment where she wouldn't say a thing, she wouldn't tell me how she felt or if there was something going on.
Communication was a hard thing for us to do, but we tried. One more than the other, but we tried.
Sometimes I thought she didn't want this at all, but she wouldn't say a thing and I would be there, stuck in the middle of something that made me feel really bad. I just wanted her and I wanted her to want me the way I did. Things couldn't be this complicated, it was crazy. If she didn't want me in first place then why did she make me go through it all with her? That was impossible. Sigh.
"Absolutely...Now you act like I'm no one, like if we had nothing, what is going on? What are we? Is it all a lie? Seems like it." I said and I couldn't contain the tears. I couldn't recognize her.
"I'm sorry! You don't know how much I love you, I do, I love you, but I need to do this." "Right...sounds like something really coherent. When were you going to fucking tell me? When you were in Australia? I don't- I...I need a moment." I picked a hoodie and put some sneakers on. "I - I couldn't let this go, I've been wanting this so bad." She explained trying to make things better. I walked out of the room and grabbed my purse and keys.
"Jen, please...let's talk, let's sit down and try and solve the issue." Oh now you wanna talk? Now you wanna acknowledge there's a fucking issue? There's not a fucking issue, Leah! We are completely fine. We are doing awesome. Screw you. I will be back later I guess." I said and closed the door basically running to the elevator.
"Everything okay, Ms.?" The doorman asked when he saw me being a crying mess. I nodded and smiled walking by him and to where my car was parked. I didn't know where to go, what to do, who to call. I was upset and felt lost. I was hanging. It was like she had a different life, and I was just finding out about it.
I drove to the apartment my parents got me. Thankfully it had some furniture, a bed and stuff, mom brought some sheets and new pillows and I couldn't thank her enough for that. I never knew I would need this, apparently she did. Moms always know everything.
I laid in bed and cried, cried like I never did before. I felt like if they were taking an important piece of me away. She was leaving, she was not taking me with her, and she made the decision on her own, like if she was actually alone. The more I thought about it the more upset I got. My phone was being blown up by Leah, I wasn't going to reply to any text or pick any call. I didn't want to see her, or listen to her. The last person I wanted at that exact moment was her...yet she was the only one I wanted. The struggle was absolutely real.
I fell asleep eventually.
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