White Gold *Completed*

Back To Normal (Almost)

ADAM

I moved into my small bedroom rental and my mom came with me to help out. Nix would be there on the weekends. I set up a time and date for movers to pack up the old house because I couldn’t bring myself to go back, so Mom supervised them. Cleaners would be in soon after to try and tidy up the months of disrepair the house had endured.

I would be staying in L.A until I was well enough to move to New York for the next chapter of my life; I was already looking up places online.

It was strange to suddenly be texting Nix again, to be her...boyfriend again. I didn’t question her choice to want to be with me again, I was just beyond ecstatic that she was even putting up with me.

Going from almost three years without talking to her to being able to text and call her again was almost euphoric. I always texted her good morning, even when my good morning was her afternoon and she was at work because I knew it was something she always loved. To have her to call “mine” again was blissful.

And she left Pongo with me most times now, and I couldn’t get over the fact he’d grown so much, but it made me bittersweet that I’d miss his puppyhood. He was a smart, loveable dog, and he hadn’t forgotten me at all, but it was almost as if he were a little salty towards me now. Often times I would catch him glaring or squinting at me from the across the room as if he wished he could berate me for being such a dick.

I didn’t blame him.

 My physical therapy three times a week was coming along nicely, but I was still bruised and my hands tingled painfully from time to time. My neck was still so stiff that it was hard to turn, so after every PT session I got a massage, as well as a chiropractic visit twice a week. I was having a hard time not working out till I was sweating buckets, but the doctor warned me now was not the time to overdo it, so I was stuck doing the childish exercises my PT therapist instructed me to do at home. I was worried that I was losing all the muscle I’d worked hard to gain over the past years, but the last thing I wanted was to damage my body further.

~*~

“Hey, man, how’s it going?” I asked Tommy, easing myself off the couch to hug him.
Tommy rubbed his arm. “Not bad. How’ve you been feeling?”
I shrugged. “Much better but still pretty sore. My hands still tingle occasionally which sucks.”
He nodded absently. “Yeah, that does suck.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting back in my seat.
“What do you mean? Nothing’s wrong.”
“No, you’ve been off ever since you came to see me in the hospital. Do you like hate me now or something?”
Tommy blanched. “Of course not, Adam.”
“Then why do I feel like there’s something you aren’t telling me?”
He stared at the ground and his leg started to bounce. “Um, there is…”
“Okay then.” I gave him a ‘well go ahead’ look.
Tommy inhaled and swallowed, then looked me in the eye. “Adam, a little while after you and Nix broke up she, uh, she…came over to my place.”
“And?” I asked, my heart pounding.
Tommy’s voice was shaky when he continued. “We… slept together, Adam. I’m sorry.”
Ice cascaded into my veins and I uncrossed my legs, planting my foot firmly on the ground.
“You slept…with my…girlfriend?” I said through gritted teeth.
“You weren’t together!” Tommy said, straightening up. “She was your ex then!”
“You fucking took advantage of her when she was upset?!”
“It had been like a month, dude! If she hadn’t been in her right mind then I would never have agreed!”
I stood up in anger, fists balled up. “It doesn’t matter! You broke the best friend bro code, Tommy! It’s Nix. I can’t fucking believe you did this!”
Tommy jumped out of his seat, hands raised. “Adam, please, listen to me! It was an accident-”
“How do you fuck somebody by accident?!” I roared.
“Adam, you’re right I should have stopped her but I didn’t. But it was like two years ago!”
I clutched my hair. “Oh, that changes everything!”
“What difference does it make, really? Does she know about us? About what really happened during Glam Nation?”
I took a shaky breath. “I’m sure she guessed. But this is different, Tommy. We were a stupid fling and it didn’t mean anything. Nix means the world to me and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her, if she’ll take me. But now you’ve-you’ve-”
“What, tainted her? You’ll never be able to kiss her without seeing me, or something? Adam, when you decided to go running back to Sauli you gave up the privilege of calling her yours. You fucked it up. You know she’s been with other guys since you, right? And not just me.”
I stepped closer, my fury growing with every word that came out of his mouth. “Shut the hell up.”
“It’s true. She was never yours the second after she left, she was fair game for anyone.”
“And you wanted it to be you, didn’t ya?” I growled. “You wanted her.”
His expression told me enough, but I wasn’t prepared for his next words.
“But she wanted me, too.”
My fist struck his jaw and sent him to the ground, where I dove after him and grabbed him up by his shirt, then slammed him against the floor. All pain from my previous injuries was forgotten and replaced by this new, blind rage.
“You’re lying.” I hissed, unable to mask the tremor in my tone.
Tommy’s chocolate eyes were wide and his jaw was red. “I’m not. She wanted to forget all about you. She wanted revenge on you with me but I convinced her not to, that she was just emotional over you.”
“But you slept with her,” I said quietly.
“Only once.” Tommy whimpered.
“And then what? You were gonna be with her if that’s what she’d wanted? Does our friendship mean that little to you? That you would ditch me to be with my ex?”
“I kept your goddamn secret when I shouldn’t have. But you ruined that yourself, Adam. You always bring this on yourself. You’ve totally forgotten who you are. What the fuck did you think would happen when she found out? That she would just pat your head and say it was okay? Everybody cheats sometimes, but it’s okay because you’re Adam Lambert? I tried multiple times to convince her to let you go because you’re no good for her but for some fucking reason she couldn’t. She couldn’t just…love me instead. Because it’s always you.”
Tommy’s knee was suddenly in my ribs, knocking the wind from my lungs and giving him the chance to shove me off.
I wrapped my arms around myself, seeing spots and wheezing, but he didn’t stop there.
His heavy boot collided with my side, sending me rolling across the ground.
“You don’t deserve her, Lambert. You’re only ever going to break her heart again, and again and again. The second Sauli or Lauren comes back around you’ll toss Nix away. Because you’re pathetic. I just hope Nix will have enough common sense this time around to not be distracted by the glitter and the gold and the noise. Maybe she’ll finally realize that with you there is no silver lining behind the thunder. Nothing sparkly beneath the rust.”
Air finally rushed into my lungs and I coughed, standing up as fast as I could.
“Fuck you,” I spat.
Tommy nodded and glanced down at his shoes. “I’ll take that as a goodbye, then.” He turned to exit but stopped before reaching the door. “I’m sorry, Adam. Really. Just know that when you ruin this again that I’ll be waiting for her if she needs me.”
And he left.
I collapsed onto the bed, flexing my aching fist and letting the encounter sink into my tired mind. Tommy was right, I always did this. I always pushed people away.
And now it had cost me my friendship with him.