White Gold *Completed*

Ghost of You

"At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never comin'  home, never comin' home..."
~My Chemical Romance, "The Ghost of You"

NIX

“Nix? Did you hear me?”

I looked up at the mention of my name. The photographer, Ryan, was holding his camera, giving me a sheepish expression, as if he felt bad for having interrupted my thoughts.

“Sorry. I zoned out. What did you say?”

“Can you stand on your mark? It’s the blue X to your left.”

I looked down at the ground and shuffled around ‘til I hit my given mark. I tottered a little in the black platform shoes I was wearing and fought the urge to cross my arms over my chest. It was awkward having someone take pictures of me wearing these sort of clothes. Right now for instance, I was dressed in short-shorts, fishnets, and a black off-the-shoulder crop-top. My hair was up in a bun and the makeup around my eyes was dark and smokey. Red lipstick popped, black studs in my ears looked dangerous, and two choker necklaces of varying lengths are around my neck.

I felt fake as fuck.

“Alright, just act natural. Try and have fun.” Ryan said with a kind smile. I nodded, but mocked his words in my head. There were literally a minimum of about 25 people all standing around, watching me. There was another photographer taking photos of the photoshoot, two hair and makeup artists on call, just out of view, people manning the lights, and so many more buzzing around.

“Alright, everybody quiet!” Shouted the shoot manager. Music suddenly came on from speakers, loud enough to block out everything except for Ryan’s voice. I bobbed my head along with the music and realize that it felt like it was from my own Spotify list. Someone must have gone to extra lengths to make sure I was comfortable. I took a few deep breaths and allowed that fact to relax me a little.

“Great, Phoenix! Now tilt your head but look over here…”

I tried to to what he said, doing all the cliche poses from magazines I’d seen before, letting myself slip into the fantasy of it all.

Fifteen minutes later, it happened. It came so naturally that it scared me after I realized I’d done it.

Ryan was now closer, grinning at my enthusiasm. I put my right hand on my face and tilted my head to the side, parting my lips and imagining burning a hole through the camera.

“Yowza! Nice, girl!” Ryan said, snapping wildly. “Love the attitude!”

I dropped my hand and the image of a long-haired Adam with intense eye makeup flashed before my eyes, sending chills into my stomach. I had to keep going though-time was money. I held out both arms and Ryan backed up a few feet to get the shot.

“Love it, Nix!” He exclaimed.

And then all my energy left me. My expression slipped from my face and my hands dropped to my side.

“Um, do we have enough?” I asked, giving in and crossing my arms over my chest.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Done for today?”

“Yeah, for today.”

Ryan nodded, a little deflated. “No problem. The first shoot can be rough. Good job today.”

“Thanks.”

Someone appeared at my side with a robe and helped me slip into it.

“See you.” I said to Ryan, allowing myself to be lead off the stark white background and to the back, where my dressing room was.

The girls who had dressed me were waiting for me and helped me carefully take off the clothes and put them away. I changed into a short black dress that had a leather belt around my waist. I put on my sunglasses and let my hair down, sandals, and left, avoiding everyone.

I hopped into the SUV and tore out of the parking lot, heading for the nearest froyo place. I didn’t play the radio, I didn’t hum to myself. Just total silence.

I had to move on. It had been months, but the ache of Adam’s absence was like a deep wound that refused to heal all the way. There would be a scar, if I did heal at all.

“Something annoying about him.” I muttered to myself as I hunted for a parking spot. “He insisted on listening to wicked old, obscure funk songs on road trips and it made me want to scream. I hated asking him for a snack because he would always come back with kale chips or some stupid health thing. He spent so much fucking money on those special candles from Peru.” I snorted. Those were weak points, but it made me feel marginally better.

After getting my treat I returned home to Pongo and sat out on the balcony with him, letting him finish off my froyo. I laughed when he kicked the cup up like a skateboard to get the last remnants. He was getting so big…

I sighed and shut my eyes, thinking.

Here I was, 26 years old, a steady job, a side job in modelling even, a crazy awesome apartment, a beautiful puppy, money wasn’t a stressful subject anymore. But my parents were only hours away and I hadn’t taken the time to visit them. I had been hesitant to spend time with them on my own, without a witness, and especially after everything that had happened, I didn’t want to hear all the “I told you so’s.” But...

I took out my cell phone and dialed them, holding my breath until my mother answered.

“Nix! How are you?” She asked.

“Hey, Mom. I’m doing great, you?”

I pulled Pongo onto my lap and smiled when he licked my chin. I could make it through this.

(This felt longer writing it...hm.
I saw Beauty and the Beast last night! Has anyone else seen it? I was surprised at how good it was! I loved the "rawr" Beast (Prince Adam ;) )does at the end. I laughed SO hard xD I'm in LOVE with the song 'Evermore.' GAH it's so pretty!
Anyway, thank you all for reading and as always (OH IT'S COMING BACK) I will see you in the next chapter!
~CG)