THE SASAENG

fourteen

____Hyerim POV_____
I woke up around 2am to find myself sleeping without my blanket, my phone was still thrown next to me, I could've crushed​ it if I turned to the other side, i put the blanket on me trying to back to sleep but I pulled my upper body up sitting on the bed suddenly, I grabbed my hair in annoyance, the thought of what should I give to that bastard still jumping in my head and it's became a reason of my sleepless nights.
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I finished typing around 4 am, this Time I didn't send any pictures but I wrote an article with some informations​ from what I have until now, I felt my eyes tearing up and my hands was shaking hesitating to click the send button, I closed my eyes
I have no other choice, I'm sorry
And I clicked on the button, I closed my laptop quickly..
I sighed deeply and burst into crying, I couldn't handle the fact that I'm the biggest bitch on Earth , I'm becoming a monster day by day, I started screaming non stop, I thought different stuff on the wall, I broke many stuff.... I fell on the ground hugging my knees, I don't want this life anymore...my dad was about to break my door before I stood up opening it slowly with my head down.
He hugged tight me immediately. I feel worst because I was a reason for waking him up at 4 am, *hyerim, hyerim darling, what happened, are you okay, what happened??! Why you screamed like that* my dad didn't let go of me. I cried out loud on his chest.
Hyerim: it's nothing dad, I had multiple nightmares.
Father: it's okay darling, it's okay, I'm with you don't worry I'm here.

I woke up up again around 5:30 am, I didn't have enough sleep nor my father, I found my dad holding my hand sleep in the seat position, I sighed deeply, it will be painful when he wakes up later, I woke up and put the blanket on him, I realized that it's my dad's room. I put a note next to him so he can see it when he wakes up.
      I left to school early, dad I'm sorry about last night, don't worry about me, I will back after school.

I went to my room to see it in a big mess, all the stuff we're on the ground, I didn't have the mood to fix it, I just held some stuff from the ground, and left the others there, I did my morning routine and held my backpack, I didn't take breakfast as always, i Walked in the way of the beach as always, I want to have a peaceful morning time, I want to breath the air that makes me forget about everything, I stood up in front of the beach I closed my eyes for a while.
I wish I could stay like that forever.

*Hyerim aah* I opened my eyes on someone​ calling my name, I turned around to see jungkook.
*Jungkook aah~, good morning* I felt happy yet scared.
* Good morning lee hyerim, I knew i'll find you here* he said smiling widely.
I smiled back with no mood , it's not like I don't want to be around him, but I just don't dare to smile while I'm doing those horrible stuff.
Jungkook: are you okay.
Hyrime: yeah I'm fine.
Jungkook: humm, I think you didn't have enough sleep.
Hyerim: oh~~ I guess so, I feel tired.
Jungkook: from what?!
Hyerim: from everything.

I said before I remember that I have to control myself, I need to keep my shit inside me or I'll get caught and lose everybody and everything around me, yes I'm a selfish bitch, but I think I can't handle it live without those lovely people and be hated AF.

Jungkook was looking at me in a sad confused eyes.
Hyerim: what's wrong with that face*laughing, laughing* you know I'm joking, I just hate school and exams, I want to graduate asap.
He comes closer and took me between his arms hugging me, petting on my back.
Jungkook: aigoo ouri hyerim, don't worry, you will get rid of school soon, I will support you, we are friends remember??!

I felt butterflies in my stomach, I don't know what to feel anymore, like a thousand of feelings were fighting inside me , I hugged him back putting my head on his chest feeling his warmth, im loving it.
Hyrime: thank you jungkookaah~~.