Falling (l.h.)

Chapter 57

Back on schedule :) finally :)

Luke’s POV

Wow. I never in a million years expected that to be her response when I asked about the dream. I felt a little relieved that she didn’t feel that way about me, but now I also have another weight on my shoulders. 

It all began to make sense. Don’t let history repeat itself. She doesn’t want me to make the same mistakes her father did and end up like him. Now I feel a million times worse for lying about completing the program early. Her father dropped out and so did I. I don’t even want to know what her reaction is going to be if she finds out. She’ll be crushed, heartbroken, and on top of that, she’ll want absolutely nothing to do with me. 

Should I tell her now before she finds out from somebody else? No, I can’t. She’s already crying into my chest, I can’t burden her with anything else. I’d rather take the heat later than make her feel even worse now. Although, I can’t imagine who would tell her, only my mom and I know, well aside from the rehabilitation center and Calum, but he wouldn't. 

Her soft sobs slowly stopped as she cried herself to sleep. I stayed with her the entire day, not wanting to move and wake her up, and I wanted her to feel safe, as though nothing could hurt her while in my arms, even if I couldn’t protect her from her mind. Her mind was her biggest enemy at the moment; her mind was forcing her to relieve horrible times in her life while she was sleeping. Sleep was no longer peaceful for her, and that made me angry.

When the clock hit four, I finally woke her so I could get up and make dinner. If she slept any longer she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep tonight and she’d be exhausted for classes tomorrow. I wouldn’t make her go, but I know that she fell behind in her studies during the first week that I was gone. 

I don’t understand how she loves me. She came here back in September a happy, beautiful, carefree girl and I’ve turned her into someone who has worries and problems, someone who is afraid to sleep because I’ve brought her past back to her surface. I know that we rarely fight and we have a beautiful relationship, but my struggles have become her struggles, and I wish she wouldn’t worry about me. I love that she does, because it shows that she loves me, but I hate seeing her sad.

Bri’s POV

I followed Luke into the kitchen instead of staying in bed like a helpless puppy. I’m strong, I got through it last time without help, and I can do it again. The first mourning period over my father’s death wasn’t as bad as it should’ve been. I was very young when it happened, only five years old. 

Being five when your father dies has its advantages and disadvantages. I didn’t have much time with him so I never truly got to know him, so that was a disadvantage. However, being five means you don’t really understand what’s happening. I was told he “was in a better place now” and I just thought he was at Disney World, but when he never returned, I kept questioning when he would be coming home, and my mother always avoided the answer, but as I grew older, I realized what had really happened, and that was my second mourning period. It was worse than the first, because I fully understood I would never see his face, feel his hugs, or hear his voice ever again. I also figured out that it was the cancer that had transported him to that “better place”. 

After that, I knew that even though I didn’t know him very well, due to his young death and alcohol addiction, he wouldn’t want me to be sad. So I decided to stop crying over it and learn to move on.

I never let myself get close to another man after that, after I saw how upset my mother was once he was gone. I thought it was sort of like breaking up, so I refused to get into any serious relationship so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of losing someone I loved ever again, but Luke was the only exception.

Soon enough, Luke finished dinner and we ate in silence. There was nothing to be said, or at least for me anyway. I had just made a huge confession, and I didn't want to discuss it any further. Luke looked like he wanted to say something, but he wouldn't. I could tell because he kept looking up at me and opening his mouth to speak, but quickly shutting it and looking down at his plate. I didn't expect him to say anything and I'm glad he hasn't. Aside from the cliché 'I'm sorry' or the 'I had no idea', there was really nothing to say.

I got up to clean the dishes since he made dinner, but he gently pushed me away from the sink and did it himself.

"Thank you," I said, looking down at the floor.

"It's no problem. I love you," he replied, looking at me.

"I love you too," I smiled, but still didn't look up.

"Why won't you look at me?" he questioned lightly.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I just can't believe you thought I was scared of you."

"Well I don't remember much from the night I got arrested, but I remember hearing your desperate screams for me to stop and your heartbroken cries. I just kind of assumed..." he trailed off and I nodded, letting him know I understood him so he wouldn't have to finish.

"It was just a shock to me, and it sparked a flashback, but it's in the past and as long as it stays there, we don't have anything to worry about," I assured. 

Sorry it's a little short :(

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