Hidden Feelings ( A Loki FanFiction )

Obscure

We walked for two hours. Throughout the walk, Loki was silent.

I heard the familiar sounds of a waterfall. We turned the bend and I saw it. Our place. Next to the waterfall, was a gravestone. It was surrounded by beautiful flower bushes growing around it.

" I didn't plant those. When I buried Obscure, the flower bushes suddenly grew. " Loki said softly.

Obscure's last gift to me was flowers. My last and only gift to him was my song.

Do you want control for awhile? If you can't take it, I will assume control. If you want me to. Nyx said.

Yes.

I walked towards his grave and knelt down. There was a picture of him craved into the stone. There was a large space below his picture.

"That space is for Nox to write down what she wants." Loki said, presumably to Nyx.

I used my magic to carve words into the stone. I wrote in my last song to him, so he could take my gift with him wherever he went. Tears ran down my face with every word carved into the rock. I felt the loss of him again. It cut into my heart like a knife.

Loki knelt beside me. "Are... are you Nox? Have you returned to me?" he asked hopefully.

I choked out the words in tears. " I... I'm sorry my love. I can't take it."

Nyx assumed control of my body again.

"The pain is too much for her, Loki. I hope you understand. " Nyx said.

"THEN WHAT ABOUT ME!" Loki suddenly burst out. "Nox, you think that you are the only one suffering. You. Are. Not. Have you any idea how I felt when I watch you in your coma? I thought that you would die, and now that you didn't, you refuse to come out! Do you even love me? Now, I feel like questioning my love for you!"

Loki stormed off towards the direction of the palace, leaving me.

I shouldn't be alive. I should have died on earth. He doesn't love me. He questions my love for him.

No Nox. He didn't mean what he said. His emotions are just as jumbled up as yours. You should not blame him.

I felt as if my world had collapsed. I watched Loki storm away until he was just a speck. I felt.... I felt..... I felt my psycho taking over.

Give me control. I demanded.

As soon as I regained control of my body, I made my claws come out. I dug them deep into my left shoulder, dragging it slowly until my wrist. I hissed in pain. But I enjoyed it. In the past, pain made me forget my troubles. I remembered that I used to self harm and I enjoyed it. It made me feel like I had control.

Blood poured from my wound onto Obscure's grave. Looks like my song isn't my last gift to him. It was such an amazing feeling, really. Seeing blood, your blood, spilled onto the ground. Fresh red blood, the thing that keeps you alive, spilled out like a sacrifice.

I dug my claws again into my flesh. I dragged them slowly, from my neck to my chest. The pain was intoxicating. I felt blood fill up in my throat.

Looks like he doesn't have to question my love anymore since I'll be gone. I said to Nyx.

Why are you doing this! You... I will keep you alive. You cannot give up so easily! Why are both of you so stubborn?! she shouted.

Have you ever felt pain in your life? Not those kind of pain where you lose your possession or even when you lose somebody. It's those kind of pain where you know you are unwanted by not a soul in the universe. It's the kind of pain where you know that if you die, nobody would care. It's that kind of pain in your heart where you would rather die than live for another day.

Have you ever enjoyed pain? That intoxicating drug? That feeling where you cut into your own flesh and delight in the sight of your blood?

My eyes filled up with blood. I saw everything in red yet again. I grabbed at my chest, claws digging into it. Blood poured into my hands.

I fell onto Obscure's grave.

I'm sorry, Loki. Now you don't need to question yourself or me anymore. Goodbye.

I said in my head.

I closed my eyes, my last memory was of Loki's angry face and his back, walking away without me.