Hidden Feelings ( A Loki FanFiction )

A shell

It's been many days that I've been in this state. I don't want to feel anymore. I hate this so much. Why did I even sacrifice so much for others when they didn't even do anything for me? Am I just an artifact to them? Used only when needed? The pain I feel, does nobody understand it?

Nox. You mustn't think like this. Your thoughts now are irrational because your mind has been clouded. You need to set yourself free from all these emotions so that you can wake up from this.

Another lecture. Do you even understand the pain I feel? How dare you even tell me this? I lock up my emotions because I don't want to feel it all. Is that too much to ask? I have been sacrificing so much, now I'm trying to block the pain. Is that so wrong? I shot back.

No. It is not wrong. However, think of those around you. Those that are hurting so mucb as well. What about Loki? Your love? Do you not care and love this man? Didn't you tell me that you love him very much?

Loki. Every moment he is free, he spends his time hugging me. My eyes were not open, but I could see the tears on his face when he looks at me. I needed to be up, but I wasn't ready to feel the pain.

Very well then. Get me out of this state. But I tell you, I am locking myself up. I give you control of my body. I'm sorry, but I'm still not ready to feel it yet. I said to Nyx.

No apologies needed. I understand why you are doing this. I only need you to give me control. Your body needs sustenance. It is weakened. However, I do hope that one day, you will be ready. Nyx said.

I felt my eyes open. I sat up. There was no one in Loki's chambers. It was so weird. I was feeling like a robot. I knew what was going on but my body moved on it's own. Nyx made me shower and change into fresh clothes.

Nyx walked out of Loki's room. " My... my lady!" The guard exclaimed in surprise.

" Where Loki?" Nyx asked.

" In... in... in the dining room with prince Thor and lady Jane!" he spluttered.

Nyx headed to the dining room, probably to get food into my body. Urgh. She was like a mother. Not that I knew how it felt for six years.

Nyx pushed open the doors. I was met with gasps of shock. I saw a blur and Loki ran to hug me tightly. I missed his touch.

" Oh Nox!! Finally! I missed you so much!!" he said.

" I am not Nox." Nyx said.

Loki let go of me and stepped back.

"What? What do you mean?" Loki questioned. I saw the happiness leave his eyes.

"I have told you before Loki. Dark magic does things to people. Nox has locked herself up. She has given me control of her body. I am here simply to ensure her body receives adequate sustenance. She has not eaten for days, her body is ailing."

" Brother! What is she talking about?!" Thor asked.

Loki sighed sadly. I saw a tear escape his eye. I wanted to reach out to touch him. But I wasn't ready for it.

"I told you before Thor. Have you forgotten? " Loki said.

Understanding flashed in Thor's eyes.

Nyx walked past Loki and sat down in a seat. There was food laid out on the table. An attendant quickly laid out utensils infront of me.

Loki sat down beside me. Nyx proceeded to inhale two chicken legs, 3 potatoes, a pork chop, a beef steak and two glasses of wine. Thor, Jane and Loki watched me, or her, in shock.

Oh my god Nyx. Is this your idea of a revenge? Getting me fat? I asked.

She laughed out loud. Well, who asked you? I'm going to keep eating like that in every meal so you can finally be forced to take control of your body.

That's a dick move, and you know it. I told you I'm not ready. It still hurts. My past still haunts me. I said, but I smiled internally.

I know, I know. I'm just joking around. I need to tell you something though. The demons that broke free from Thanos are currently being held in Asgard's dungeons. Luckily, they did not resist. They ask for their queen's presence daily. Nyx said, in a serious tone.

Then tell them to wait. I... I will try to see them as soon as possible. And tell them I'm sorry. I said. I truly am sorry. I am so pathethic, I can do nothing for those who call me 'queen'. I don't deserve the title.

" Now that she has received enough sustenance to choke a cow, I shall take a walk." Nyx said cheerfully. "Where is Obscure's resting place?" she asked gently.

" Our secret place." Loki answered.

That place. The magical place. The place that Loki has hidden from all but one. Me. The place where we made passionate love for the first time. I remember so well.

He buried Obscure there.

" Lead me to it. I believe Nox wishes to see him." Nyx said. And I do. I want to see the one who has sacrificed himself selflessly for me. The only one who did something for me.

Loki stood up and walked out of the dining room. Nyx got up and followed him. She turned my head and gave Thor and Jane a sad smile.