Love Me (Normani)

Chapter 63

When they got home, it was no exaggeration in saying that the entire Jauregui family was tip toeing around Normani. They did have reason, obviously, but nevertheless it was awkward and uncomfortable. Normani still had the bandages on, and said they could be taken off in a week just to be safe. She dragged Lauren to her room just to get out of the way of concerned and starting eyes. She appreciated the concern and love, don't get her wrong, but God she felt awful for causing the massive mess that she did. Normani sighed in relief when Lauren pulled the girl into the bed and cuddled with her. "I love you." Normani mumbled into her neck. "I love you too babe." Lauren whispered, stroking her fingers through her hair. "You did good eating, those chicken wings were good huh." Normani swallowed thickly at Lauren mentioning the food. She was trying to forget she'd eaten. "Mhm." Lauren kissed Normani's temple and closed her eyes. "Get some sleep babe, it's been a long fucking day." Normani nestled her head further into Lauren's neck and sighed contentedly when the Cuban turned out the light. "Goodnight." She mumbled, on the verge of sleep. "G'night." Lauren smiled softly and held the girl close, she didn't like, no, she hated the thought of losing Normani. She came so close to losing her, and she never wanted to feel that way again. Lauren woke up spontaneously in the middle of the night and jolted up in bed breathing heavily. She had a nightmare. "Babe?" A croaky voice mumbled in question. Lauren looked back at her tired girlfriend rubbing her eyes cutely. "Go back to sleep, I'm fine." Normani sat up and took a proper look at Lauren in the darkness before turning on the lamp beside them. "No you're not. Talk to me." Lauren didn't realise she was crying until she suddenly felt a wetness on her cheeks. "I uhm, I had a nightmare." She admitted, bowing her head. "Yeah? What happened in it?" Normani asked gently. Lauren sighed and just laid her head in her girlfriend's lap. "Just hold me, okay? Please?" Normani laid down and opened her arms for Lauren to cuddle. The skinny girl kissed Lauren's forehead and stroked her fingers through her hair. "Whatever you dreamt, it wasn't real. I'm here, you're safe, and I love you. So go back to sleep baby." Lauren closed her eyes and buried her head in Normani's neck. "I love you too." She whispered against her skin before falling asleep as Normani stroked her hair gently. Normani couldn't sleep, however, not now. She continued to stroke Lauren's hair and think of all the calories she'd consumed, why she was still alive, everything that had happened to her over what felt like such a short amount of time. She sighed and closed her eyes. Lauren. Think of Lauren. Lauren Lauren Lauren. "I'll be fine. It'll be okay." Normani whispered to herself shakily. She thankfully fell asleep not long later. Lauren was woken up by a loud crash from downstairs followed by a "Whoops, sorry everyone!" from her mother. Normani followed suit waking up and stretched out, rolling over on top of Lauren and resting her head in her neck. "Morning." Lauren smiled. "Shh, m'tired Laur." Normani croaked in her morning voice, making Lauren giggle softly. "I know, but it's time to wake up." Lauren coaxed sweetly, stroking her girlfriend's cheek. "Why?" Normani groaned into her skin. "Breakfast." Lauren replied. Normani froze. "I don't want anything." "I know you don't baby, but you have to eat." "I'm not hungry Lauren." "I'm gonna get something anyway. I'll be back." Lauren said adamantly, moving Normani over to the other side of the bed and then leaving the bedroom to go down to the kitchen. Normani sighed heavily into the pillow and decided she needed a workout session today. It was long overdue. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and became aware of the bandages around her wrists, taunting her of her failure to do the world a favour. Normani gulped heavily as tears sprang to her eyes. She could feel the stitches beneath the white gauze, the scratchy material and most prominently, the guilt in the pit of her stomach, accompanied by shame. She could see darkened blood stains, which meant the bandages would probably need to be changed. There was no way she would be allowed to do it herself though, at least not without someone there with her. "I'm back!" Lauren announced, bringing Normani out of her thoughts. Oh. Great. She's back. "I got you a banana." "Do I look like Camila to you?" Normani raised an eyebrow. "No, you look like.." Lauren hesitated accidentally. "Just take this. I'm gonna have a shower." Lauren gave the girl her banana and left the room. What a mistake. Normani climbed up and skilfully hid the banana on the roof before going to change into some sweats. "Where're you going babe?" Lauren asked Normani as she emerged from the bathroom, ruffling a towel through her hair. "Out." Normani replied simply. "Have you eaten the banana?" No. "Yes." "M'kay, see you later then." "Really? You're not gonna stop me?" Normani questioned curiously. "No? Why? Should I?" Lauren questioned. "No! No, it's fine. I'll see you." Lauren narrowed her eyes as her girlfriend left and hummed to herself. No. I have to trust her. Normani had to admit, she raced down the street not only to increase her workout and adrenaline, but so Lauren wouldn't get suspicious and chase her. When she reached the gym she bumped straight into Gary. "Are you like the manager or some shit? I always end up seeing you whenever I'm here." Normani said breathlessly. "Actually I am." The man chuckled. "Oh, my bad." "It's cool. You need a personal trainer?" He'll stop you from working out the right amount of time. Say no. SAY NO! Normani shook her head. "I'm good, but thanks." Gary looked at the girl and noticed her weight. "I'm not sure I should be letting you workout in that..state." Normani scowled fiercely. "Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do. It's my business. So leave me alone." She growled before pushing him away and storming through the entrance doors. Gary watched her go inside and sighed. He was on his lunch break so he left and hoped the girl would make the right choice for herself. Somehow though, he knew that she wouldn't. Normani hadn't realised how long she had been exercising until someone told her it was closing time. You've done so much. I'm proud of you. You'll be thin in no time. Normani gave a weak smile to no one in particular, no one real. She walked home tiredly and the door opened to reveal Clara. "Hi there honey, have you had a good day? It's very late." "Hi Clara, yeah. I'm sorry if I woke you up." "Hey." Chris waved as he passed by and went to his room. "Hi." Normani chuckled. Of course he'd be up. He's a night owl like Lauren and her. "Lauren's in her, well your room." "Thanks Mama J. You mind if I shower?" "Of course not lovely, go on up." Normani smiled sleepily and went into the bedroom greeting Lauren. "Hi babe." Lauren smiled, looking up from her laptop. "Hey Lo." She leaned down and pecked her lips quickly before going to the bathroom. "I need a shower real quick, I'll see you in a bit." Lauren nodded. She knew where her girlfriend had been and she couldn't say she was happy about it. Who would be? Well, Normani. Lauren nearly jumped when the door opened and Normani came out in pyjamas with wet hair wrapped in a towel. "Can you come here? I wanna lay with you." Normani frowned at Lauren's words and how vulnerably she spoke them but did as she asked. Lauren sighed and laid her head on the girl's chest. She could feel her protruding ribs and her heartbeat. "I'm scared Mani." Lauren admitted sadly. "Why baby?" Normani asked worriedly. "I don't want you to die." "I'm not going to." "If you carry on like this, you will!" Lauren rebutted hysterically, standing up from the bed suddenly. "Look at you!" Normani dared to look down at her body. You're disgusting, pathetic, fat. "You're getting sicker and sicker Normani and I-I'm trying so hard to help but it's not enough! It's never enough!" Normani went to speak but Lauren was to quick to continue. "It's not your fault I know it's not your fault but God Mani it's so frustrating and painful to see you do this to yourself." Normani sat with tears in her eyes as Lauren paced the room in a state. Normani took a deep breath and took another look at her body, and suddenly saw the truth. Her eyes and body were so tired, all of her muscles ached and were covered in multicoloured bruises, she didn't even know where they were from. Her wrists were bandaged where she'd slit them. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her lips were a scary blue from lack of oxygen. "Oh my god." She whispered to herself. Suddenly, much to Lauren's surprise, Normani threw herself into her arms and sobbed into her shoulder apologising frantically. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" The sick girl heaved weakly through her sobs. Each breath was a task anyway let alone with all the exercise and crying adding to the strain. Lauren held the girl close and kissed her cheek repeatedly. She didn't know what to say, there was nothing she could say. But then Normani surprised both Lauren and herself. "Take me to hospital." Lauren's eyes widened, had she misheard? "I need help."