Love Me (Normani)

Chapter 59

"Put it down." Normani said shakily. "Please." "No I need to-NO!" Lauren screamed when Normani snatched the blade from her hand and flushed it away in a matter of seconds. Everything just seemed to be going wrong for Lauren today and she was in the worst mood she had ever been in a while. Normani had cut the palm of her hand but she didn't care about the blood seeping into her baggy grey sweatshirt that covered her hands. She cared about Lauren. "Why did you do that?!" Lauren shouted in panic. "Come here-" "No!" "Lauren. Come, here." Normani insisted. Lauren fought against Normani's grip at first but she soon held her tightly and sobbed into her shoulder. "I've got you." Normani soothed, stroking her hair. "I need it." Lauren cried. "I know babe." Normani sighed. "I did it for you. I know you feel horrible right now, but I did it for you." Lauren pulled away from her and wiped her eyes. "Where are you going?" Normani asked. "Out." Lauren said simply and grabbed her jacket. "Well I'll come with-" "No you won't. Stay here." "Lauren!" "No, I need some space." Lauren growled before shutting the door behind her. Normani sighed and plopped down on the bed. She did it for her, why couldn't Lauren see that? Lauren ignored her mother as she asked where she was going by herself and just shut the door behind her with excessive force. She got in her car and sped down the road with one thing on her mind. I need to get more. Lauren needed to get to the store and buy some blades, but she'd need to hide them from Normani. It would have to be somewhere other than the bathroom, since Normani was often in there. For now anyway. "Are you over 18 Miss?" The cashier asked before she scanned the item. "Yes I am." She lied. The cashier seemed to believe her without asking for ID, which Lauren was very thankful for. She thanked the woman and decided to get a drink and sit in the park before she went back. Lauren didn't fancy seeing her family, or Normani, especially after what she'd done. She couldn't believe she'd flushed her blade away. Imagine if she'd made Normani sit and eat a three course meal and didn't let her throw up, just made her sit in agony. She didn't get it. She didn't understand how badly Lauren needed to hurt herself, how necessary it was for her. When the girl got back, everyone was out except for Normani who was watching some documentary on Netflix she didn't recognise. "You're back!" Normani exclaimed when the door opened. "Carry on watching your thing." Lauren said as she opened her draw by her bedside table and put the bag in. "Don't mind me." She'd have to hide the blades later. "Come sit, it's really good." Normani patted the space next to her hopefully. Lauren sat down and leant her head on Normani's shoulder. "Are you okay Laur?" Normani asked when she felt Lauren play with her fingers. "Mm." Lauren responded simply. "You don't wanna talk about it, do you?" "No." "Okay, I won't pressure you." "Thanks." Lauren mumbled and then turned her attention to the screen. "So what are we watching?" "Blackfish." Normani said, looking entranced at the screen. Lauren decided to pull the girl into her lap so they could cuddle, she felt like she needed more comfort. Normani's eyes widened when she was lifted into her lap and she looked at her girlfriend. "Baby you're crying!" Lauren frowned. "Am I?" Normani wiped her cheeks and nodded. "Come here." She said sadly and guided Lauren's head into her neck. "I love you so much, I'm always here for you just like you're here for me. And don't you ever doubt that." Lauren was breathing deeply trying to contain herself. "Look at me." Normani said, moving back and cupping her girlfriend's face. "How can you love me like this?" Lauren asked, her voice breaking as she gestured to her scars. "They're a part of you, and I love you. No matter what." Lauren wiped her eyes and pulled Normani in close for a passionate kiss, which the girl immediately reciprocated. "We will get through this won't we?" Normani asked nervously. Lauren nodded and leant her forehead against Normani's. "Yeah, I'll make sure of it." "Me too." Normani whispered meaningfully. "Can we go out?" Lauren asked hopefully. "Sure, where?" "Can we go down to the puppy shelter Camila works at?" Normani smiled. "Okay, but don't be surprised if we come home with one, or one hundred." Lauren giggled at Normani's words. "We'll see." "Hi Camz." Lauren greeted the girl when she saw her with a puppy on a lead. "Oh hi guys!" She beamed before telling the dog to sit. "Who's this little one?" Normani asked in a cute voice, bending down to the puppy's level. "This is Lola." The dog jumped up excitedly as Normani petted her and she giggled. "She's so cute! Oh Lauren can we have her?" Normani asked with matching puppy dog eyes. "Is she up for adoption?" Camila raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, she is, but do you have room for a dog?" "Yeah, I think so. If not we'll make room." "Are you for real??" Normani exclaimed happily as the dog licked all over her face. "If it's cool with the workers, it's cool with me." "You should ask your parents." Camila reminded her. "My Dad would love a dog to fuss over, and I'm sure my Mom won't mind." Camila grinned. "Great! Well I'll get my supervisor and the necessary papers to adopt her." Camila gave Lauren the lead and Lauren crouched down to the dog. "Hi Lola." The dog immediately jumped up and licked Lauren's face too and then went back to Normani. "I think she likes you more." Lauren giggled. "Aww." Normani smiled widely. "Hi girls, I heard you'd like to take Lola home?" "We'd love to." Lauren smiled, scratching the white puppy's ears. "Great, well if you'd like to sign these forms we can do that for you." Soon all the forms were signed and both Lauren and Normani were excited to take the dog home. "We're gonna need to pick up bowls and food, treats, toys, all that stuff." Lauren said as she held the dog's lead, letting him walk with them. "Yeah." Normani said simply. Lauren looked over and saw a sad look on her face. "Are you okay?" Normani plastered a smile on her face and looked at Lauren. "I'm fine." "You're not fine. You're clearly upset babe. What's wrong?" Lauren asked. "I'm tired is all. Let's go to the pet store now and get Lola home." Normani said, walking ahead of Lauren and the dog. Lauren frowned slightly in confusion and worry but decided to just bring it up later. They let Lauren's father take care of the dog since he fell in love with her the moment they brought her through the door. Lauren and Normani chuckled as they made their way to their room. "So, wanna talk about what's bothering you?" "I told you, I'm tired." "I'm sure you are, but I don't think that's the whole story." Lauren said simply. Normani sighed and allowed Lauren to pull her into her lap and kiss her temple. "Tell me what's wrong." Normani leant her head on Lauren's chest and closed her eyes. "I've gained weight and I fucking hate it." Normani spoke shakily through gritted teeth. "You're getting better. You'll get used to it and you'll feel tons better when you're healthy again. You won't feel cold all the time, or shaky, and you'll be able to do things without getting so tired. Best of all, you'll be comfortable around food again." Lauren said enthusiastically but still warmly. "What..what if a part of me doesn't want to?" Lauren's face turned serious. "You're having doubts about getting better?" Normani sighed and shrugged. "I don't know...this is what I'm used to, what I've grown comfortable with. I'm not the same person I used to be, I'm not okay with food anymore. It..it scares me." Normani admitted, awkwardly avoiding eye contact with her girlfriend. Lauren swallowed thickly and smoothed the hair out of her face so she could meet her eyes. "I just wanted to dance.." "What do you want now Normani?" Lauren asked the girl softly. Lauren could tell she was holding back. "What do you want?" She repeated. Her words were a whisper Normani dared to speak with shame. "To die."