Love Me (Normani)

Chapter 24

It was now the middle of the night, and both the Cubans were sound asleep, but Normani? She couldn't sleep for all she tried. You're fat. Disgusting. You know how many calories that small pot of jello had?? You know how fat that will make you? You're already a balloon. Do you want to be even more of a laughing stock? "No." the girl mumbled to herself. Exactly. So you know what you have to do. Go on. Do it. Normani threw the covers off her body and got up, sprinting to the bathroom and kneeling by the toilet. She lifted the lid up and opened her mouth wide, sticking her fingers down the back of her throat. She retched and vomited to what felt like no end. It was exhausting and horrible, but she couldn't stop. More. Again, the skinny girl reached her fingers down her throat. "What are you doing?" Normani jumped at the sound of a voice and put the back of her hand to her mouth. "Nothing Sofi, go back to bed." "Are you not feeling well?" "N-no, please go to bed." "Okay. Feel better soon." Normani sighed with relief and pushed her hair back out of her face. Close call. Aren't you an idiot, why didn't you lock the door?? "Fuck." Normani breathed out shakily before throwing up loudly without even sticking her fingers down her throat. "Mani?" Not again. Lauren knelt down on the floor and pulled the hair out of her friend's face, tying it up for her. She noticed the beads of sweat on her forehead and how warm her cheeks were, but mostly the way her first two fingers were wet. Normani whimpered and fell into Lauren's warm, inviting arms. Lauren inhaled sharply and sighed, kissing the top of her head. "C'mon babe, let's get you cleaned up." Normani looked up sorrowfully at her friend and nodded. How could you get caught twice in one night? Are you really that stupid? Normani gulped thickly and washed her hands the way she always did. She rinsed her mouth and brushed her teeth, again, just like she always did. Lauren told Normani to sit down while she grabbed a wash cloth and wet it slightly before she went over to the girl sat on the side of the bathtub. "It'll be a little cold I'm afraid." Lauren mumbled as she dabbed the girl's burning hot face. "It's fine, it's nice actually." Normani half smiled, but they both knew that it was fake. "What're you doing up anyway?" Normani asked curiously. "I uh, I heard Sofi talking to someone, and I heard you throwing up - it couldn't have been Camila, she was asleep next to me." Lauren explained as she wrung the cloth out and cringed slightly as she wiped the vomit out the front of Normani's hair. She really should have tied it up, but she was too desperate to get the calories out of her body as soon as possible. "You don't have to do this Lauren.." "Just don't say anything, okay?" Lauren sighed as she washed her hands. "Okay, sorry." Normani mumbled. She had expected Lauren to just go back to bed, but she actually helped her up and pulled her into a hug. "You could have woken one of us up and talked to us y'know..You didn't have to do this." Normani pulled away and looked at the floor. "Yeah, I did. You just don't get it." Lauren wrapped her arms around the girl's waist and looked her in the eye. "You're not fat Normani, you're really not." "Yeah right, of course I'm not." The dark skinned girl mumbled in disbelief. "You're not. Look, okay turn around." Normani froze. There was a mirror behind her. She hated looking at her reflection more than anything. "I'm good, thanks." "Normani, turn around." Lauren's voice was pressing and persistent. Normani took a deep breath and turned around with her eyes closed. "Open your eyes sweetheart." Lauren cooed. "I can't." Normani whispered shakily. "Yes you can. Open them." Normani took a deep breath and reluctantly opened her eyes. See how fat you are? Gross. "Why are you making me do this?" Normani croaked, on the verge of tears. "Tell me what you see." "Uh, my reflection?" "Mani, c'mon seriously." "Sorry." "What do you see?" Lauren pressed. "It's okay, just tell me. Close your eyes while you talk if you have to." Normani swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared back into her lifeless, dark, empty eyes. "I see a fat, ugly, disgusting, horrible person who keeps hurting everyone around her because she's a fucking waste of space." Lauren rested her chin on her friend's shoulder and lined her mouth up with Normani's ear. "Wanna know what I see?" "You're gonna tell me anyway." Normani mumbled. "I see a really beautiful, intelligent, amazing, precious, determined, remarkable girl who doesn't know her true worth. Her mind is clouded with horrible thoughts. And right now she's miserable and she's stuck. She doesn't see in herself what everyone else can see. She's too thin and tired to function. She needs help..and she's got it. But she needs to realise who she is, and what's really wrong before she can accept it. That's what I see." Normani felt hot tears spilling down her cheeks, but she just couldn't move, she was completely frozen. "Tell me what you're thinking." Lauren said gently. "I've got an amazing best friend?" "No, well yes." Lauren joked. "But I meant in terms of yourself babe." Normani looked down at Lauren's arms around her waist and then looked at the pair in the full body mirror. It was the same reflection, but in Normani's eyes and mind, they couldn't be more different. "I'm not good enough, am I? I'll never be good enough." "Normani you're already good enough, you're better than just good." "I'm not though. There are standards Lauren and I can't meet them. I'll never make it as a dancer, I'll never be who I want to be." "Who do you want to be?" Lauren asked. There was a short silence. "Me again."