Love Me (Normani)

Chapter 35

Lauren understood Normani to some degree, but at least cutting herself wasn't killing her. She could stop that. Normani was a different story, however. Normani slept over that night, and Lauren had woken up half an hour before her alarm was set to go off. It was Friday now, the last day before the start of summer break. They had a half day today. Lauren wouldn't have gone in if it were her choice, but she knew she had to, and she didn't want her parents to yell at her again. Although if she did bunk maybe her father would actually say something to her. Lauren decided to turn off her alarm and rolled over to Normani, who was sleeping soundly for the first time in days by her side. Lauren closed her tired eyes and rested her right arm over Normani's stomach, noticing how it sunk lower than last time. Lauren sighed and looked at the girl sadly. Normani used to be such a bubbly person, she was just Normani and she loved to dance. She had no big problems like this. But she did now. The thought terrified Lauren that Normani might die if she kept this up. It was a complete mystery to Lauren how Normani would get better when she couldn't even admit that she had an eating disorder. It was crazy. If she could actually accept there was a serious problem and want to make a change for real, then maybe things would start to look up, but she wouldn't. She was surprised Normani's father didn't realise and her mother was sick of the sight of her. Shouldn't she be on her side? Normani would never tell her father something was wrong, because how would she get away with skipping her meals? She wouldn't. If other people knew, she'd never get skinny. She'd be forced into some counselling or rehab centre by her father and friends, and she couldn't have that. They'd only make her fat again, or rather fatter. As far as Normani was concerned, there was nothing even wrong with her. There was nothing wrong with being skinny. That was all she wanted, to feel better about herself. It just didn't seem unreasonable to her at all. Lauren wondered how much she weighed now, since it seemed she'd lost weight. She knew Normani had eaten two meals, so that must have given her some weight gain, but if she had still eaten and lost this much weight from the last time she'd seen her, how much did she weigh now? It couldn't have been good. Lauren knew she had to get the dark skinned girl on a scale, but easier said than done without letting her look down at the number. There was absolutely no way Normani would step on a scale blindfolded now. She was much more guarded when it came to her eating disorder, it had developed, clearly. Even her mood was dropping, but it didn't stop her being there for Lauren and she was grateful for that, don't get her wrong. But Lauren didn't want her best friend's help at the cost of her health. She was deteriorating at a fast pace, and Lauren needed Normani alive. "Aren't we supposed to get up now for school?" Lauren heard Normani mumble. "We're not going." Lauren replied simply. Normani looked over at the girl curiously. "What are you on about?" "It's a half day, and I can't be fucked." Lauren said, reaching out for a hug. Normani chuckled and nodded the girl over to cuddle up to her. "What happened to you Jauregui, you're a nerd usually." "Nothing much happens on the last day before summer. Besides, maybe if I skip again my Dad will actually speak to me. I'll take yelling over nothing at all." Normani could see her point. "I guess, I assume Mila's going." "Probably. Let's just chill out today." Lauren suggested. "Okay, shall I invite Dinah over too? She broke up for summer already." Lauren shrugged. "Sure whatever." "Cool." Normani smiled and texted the Polynesian. "Can you ask her to pick up some snacks on the way over?" Lauren added before she took a swig from her water bottle. "Sure." Normani mumbled. You better not eat any. "I won't." "What?" Lauren turned her head when she heard Normani say something. "Nothing." The girl smiled, playing it off. Lauren returned the smile and went back to her notebook. "Are you song writing?" "Uh huh." Lauren replied as she jotted down a line. "Can I see?" Lauren didn't look up but shook her head. "Maybe when it's finished." "One line?" "No Mani." Lauren refused. Normani pouted and went back on her phone. "Fine, guess I'll just have to wait until you're famous like everybody else." Lauren blushed. "I'm not gonna be famous, shut up." She pushed Normani's arm lightly. "You will! You have so much talent, even if you choose not to sing you could totally sell your songs." Lauren bit her lip, fighting a smile as she fiddled with a page. "Maybe." "Normani," Lauren started hesitantly, "Lauren," Normani mocked her tone with a smirk. "can I get the scales out?" Normani frowned in confusion. "Uh, why?" "I just wanna show you something." "Uh, yeah, okay." Lauren smiled and then got out of bed, leaving her songbook behind. Normani was just about to lean over and try and find the new song but Lauren knew without even looking. "No peeking!" Normani huffed and crossed her arms. She wondered what Lauren's idea was with the scales, she thought she'd never let her near them, considering. "Okay, come with me." Lauren took Normani's hand and lead her to the bathroom. "What would you say if I said I was fat?" "You're not!" Normani said hurriedly. "Okay, now I want you to watch the numbers when I step on." Lauren said and stood still on the scales. "119lbs." She read out. "Okay, now you step on." Normani looked at Lauren with a confused look. "I'm serious, and you can see the number, just get on." Normani swallowed thickly and stepped up with a deep breath. "9olbs..fuck." "What?" "I've gained weight." Normani mumbled, her voice sounding horrified. "You have?" Lauren asked confused. "I-I weighed less than that last time I checked." Normani's voice shook. "Oh." Lauren mumbled sadly. "Well look that's not the point." Lauren said, her words jumbling together. "You said I'm not fat, right?" Normani nodded. "You're not Lo. You're perfect." "Normani I weigh..29 more lbs than you do, so how can you be fat if you weigh less than I do?" Normani was baffled. "But i-it says I am." Lauren walked forward and cupped her cheeks. "It's wrong. You need to stop listening to that stupid voice in your head and listen to me. To the people that care about you. We want what's best for you, we don't care if you're not skinny. We don't want you to be. You don't need to be a people pleaser Mans. You only need to please yourself, healthily and happily. I know people, the media mostly glamourises being thin, but it's not everything." Normani listened carefully. "Body types are all different, there's people that are bigger than you, more toned than you, and they're all beautiful. You don't have to be thin to be beautiful." Lauren said gently. "It's about what's in here." Lauren moved her hand over Normani's heart. "Your personality and all the love inside you makes you a beautiful person. Size doesn't matter, you matter." Normani felt her eyes pricking with tears. Lauren was right, and she knew it. "You and your stupid honest way with words." Normani smacked her arm. Lauren chuckled and shrugged. "It's true and you know it, you used to believe the same. You probably still do, but this little demon bitch in your head-" Normani laughed at demon bitch making Lauren giggle too. "it's clouding what you once knew and believed. It's telling you the opposite of what you know. I know your life fucking sucks right now but it doesn't have to suck as bad." "Well what can I do to stop it sucking?" Normani asked sadly. "Get help." Lauren whispered. Normani looked at Lauren's lips for a second, and Lauren noticed so she moved away. Normani was dating Dinah, it could never happen. A kiss was off the cards. "Your girlfriend will be here any minute." The Cuban cleared her throat. "You should go wait for her." Normani swallowed the lump in her throat, stared at Lauren for a minute before leaving the bathroom. "Right."