Love Me (Normani)

Chapter 47

"Mani? Are you awake?" "Mm." Normani groaned lightly into her pillow. "Can I talk to you?" "Why?" "I just.." Lauren sighed when she couldn't find her words. "Please?" Normani yawned as she rolled over. "What's up Laur?" Lauren sniffed and Normani frowned. "What's wrong?" It was pitch black in the room, but she could tell Lauren was crying now, or had been. "He hates me now." Normani pouted at Lauren getting upset again over her father and turned on a light. "He'll come around, he doesn't hate you." "I just miss him Mans." Lauren croaked, digging her nails into her palm. "Hey, don't do that." Normani said, pulling her nails away and holding her hand instead. "You'll hurt yourself like that." "That's the point." Lauren mumbled. Normani sighed and used her free hand to wipe her girlfriend's eyes. "Everything will be fine in the end." Lauren scoffed. "Really. He loves you Lauren. There's an unconditional love he has for you somewhere, his prejudice is just overriding it right now. But he'll move past it soon. You just have to keep trying and wait it out." Lauren turned over and rested her head in Normani's neck as she tried to hold her tears back. Normani sighed and stroked Lauren's hair while she cried. "I'm right here baby, it'll be alright, I promise." Then Lauren surprised Normani by getting up to go to the bathroom. "Babe?" Normani called out suspiciously. "Are you okay?" After a few seconds of silence she decided to follow the Latina and found her with one arm free of the bandage, tracing the angry red lines. Normani sat next to the girl and leant her head on her shoulder. Lauren watched when her girlfriend gently moved her arm up and kissed the cuts softly. She never thought that gesture was real, but apparently it was. Lauren laid her head on Normani's lap, holding her arm out and just staring at it. "What're you thinking about Lo?" Normani asked curiously. "How much I want to cut." Lauren mumbled. Normani frowned and looked at the arm free of the bandage that had DISGUSTING marked on it. "But you haven't, you had the choice before I came in and you didn't do it, and I'm proud of you for that." Lauren half smiled for a second before she looked up at Normani who looked back at her with loving eyes, but she was a little out of it. "How are you?" "What do you mean?" "You look distracted." "I'm just thinking." "Is it talking shit again?" Normani chuckled at her girlfriend's choice of words. "I guess you could put it like that. It's not shit though." "It is shit. You're a beautiful girl Normani, and none of what it's saying is true. You're not fat, you don't need to lose weight, you're not useless or stupid and you deserve the whole fucking world." Lauren rambled. "I appreciate that Lauren." Normani said gently. "But you don't believe it." "Sorry." "I just wish you could see in yourself what I see in you." Lauren said as she played with Normani's fingers. "Me too." The dark skinned girl sighed. "You do know you're gaining weight don't you?" Lauren brought up. Normani tensed up. "Stop it." "It's a good thing babe." No it's not! It's a terrible thing! If you carry on like this you'll never be skinny. You'll be a disgusting ugly fatass the whole of your life. And Lauren will get sick of you and leave you. And you'll be all alone. Normani felt tears burning in her eyes. "She won't leave me." Lauren decided to listen to Normani's words for a change, to try and figure out what was going on in her head. You don't deserve Lauren. She's way too good for you. "I know." Normani mumbled. You're all alone now, or you will be. Look at you, pathetic, sad, your mother abandoned you because she can't stand the sight of you and your father, he even went so far as to kill himself, just to get away from you. "T-that's not true.." Normani's voice wavered. You killed him Normani. You killed him. You did it. You killed him! Normani started sobbing and holding her head, gripping her hair tightly. "Woah hold on Mani!" Lauren sat up and moved into her lap. "Babe stop it!" She begged, trying to get hold of her hands. "Talk to me." Lauren said in a calm voice. "Open your eyes and talk to me." Lauren said in a warm but steady voice, even though she was worried. "I-I killed him!" Normani sobbed. "I-It was a-all my f-fault L-L-Lauren. I fucking killed my Dad." Lauren pulled the girl into a tight hug and felt Normani squeezing her for dear life. Perhaps to keep her close, to reassure herself Lauren was there. "I killed him! I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed him." Normani gasped into Lauren's shoulder, repeating what she honestly believed. "You didn't kill him." Lauren said seriously. "It really wasn't anyone's fault." "No Lauren I really killed him!" Normani sobbed heartbrokenly. "He's dead!" "I know." Lauren mumbled as she stroked her girlfriend's hair. "I want him back." She cried desperately. "I want my Daddy." Lauren felt tears brimming in her own eyes at the girl's despair and heartbreak. "I know." Lauren's voice shook.