Love Me (Normani)

Chapter 60

Lauren swallowed thickly. "Y-you, you want to what?" "I just..I don't know Lauren..I know I want you. I want you more than anything but living like this..it's so hard Lauren it hurts. It really fucking hurts." Normani sobbed. Lauren pulled Normani into a hug and squeezed her tightly. Never once had she heard the girl talk about wanting to die and she could feel the pain radiating from her. "It's gonna be okay baby. It's gonna get better." Lauren soothed. It was worrying Lauren how Normani had been acting lately mood wise. She didn't want her to slip down even further into a darkness that could possibly be avoidable. "I love you." Lauren whispered with tears in her eyes. "I love you too." Normani sniffled. "I just..I guess I wish on some level, to some extent that you understood, but at the same time I never want you to experience this pain, ever." Lauren closed her eyes and felt Normani nestle her head in her neck comfortably. "I just want you. Whatever I have to do, I'll do it." Normani said seriously but in a scared voice. "You have me Mans. Always." Lauren reassured genuinely. "Can I take you somewhere?" Normani looked up at the Cuban questioningly, even suspiciously. "Where?" She eyed her. "Somewhere quiet. I like to go there sometimes when things get a little too much. I wanna take you there, see if it helps at all. Before you ask, it's not the roof." Lauren explained. Normani smiled shyly. "If it's special to you then you don't have to." "I want to. I want to share my whole self with you, I want to share it all with you. I want you to feel okay again." Normani sighed. "Me too." "So you coming?" Normani nodded. "Sure." "Great. Go grab your coat then babe." Lauren said happily and got up to grab her bomber jacket and car keys. "Okay, I'll see you in the car." Normani went downstairs and out to the car, sitting in the passenger seat with a nervous smile on her face. "Where are we going?" "I'm not telling. You'll see when we get there." "Will it take us long?" Normani asked, tapping her fingers on her leg subconsciously. "Nah." Lauren said as she started the car. "You want music?" Lauren asked, glancing over at her girlfriend only now noticing how anxious she appeared. "What's wrong babe?" Normani simply shrugged and rested her head on her arm, the open window letting in the warm air from outside. "You don't wanna talk about it, I get it." Normani let out a small sigh with no real meaning behind it and closed her eyes. When they arrived at the destination, Normani realised the place Lauren was taking her was the top of a cliff. "You really like high places, huh Jauregui." "Guess so." Lauren chuckled breathlessly and sat at the edge, looking at the sky. "Take a seat. I won't let you fall." Lauren said meaningfully making Normani smile and sat down. "I know you won't Laur." "You like it here?" Lauren asked, looking out into the sky. "Yeah. I do have a question though." "Shoot." Lauren replied simply. "Why do you like the roof and this cliff if you're so afraid of heights?" "That's a good question I really don't know the answer to. Wish I did." Normani chuckled and leant her head on Lauren's shoulder. "Do you feel better?" Lauren asked hopefully. "Mm. The silence is nice." Normani said thoughtfully. "Lo," "Hm?" Lauren replied quietly. "Are you..I mean, are you ashamed of me?" "No! Of course not, why would you think that??" "I just..it's complicated I guess." "I told you that I'd tell my whole family when things settle down with us." "I know Lauren, it's not that it's just..well with everything going on. Why would you want this, want me?" "Because I love you, stupid." Lauren chuckled and kissed Normani's temple. "I love you too, but I'm so much trouble. I've got so much baggage." "I could say the same to you regarding my, you know, but as long as we love each other, then none of that shit matters, right?" Normani smiled as she looked into her girlfriend's eyes. "Right." Lauren smiled back and pecked her lips. "We should get back." She announced, standing up. "Why?" Normani asked curiously. "For dinner." Lauren said. Normani's face fell. "Oh, yeah, of course." Lauren sighed and helped the girl up. "It'll be okay. Lola will be happy to see you when we get home." Lauren reminded her with a smile. Normani smiled slightly as she thought of their new dog. "Yeah, I guess." When the girls finally arrived home the dog jumped down from the couch, he was already owning the house, and greeted them at the door. "Hi Lola!" Lauren grinned as the dog jumped at her feet happily before doing the same to Normani. "Dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes girls." Mike informed them. "Thanks Dad." Lauren smiled and turned to Normani. "I'll meet you upstairs, go on ahead." "What's up babygirl?" Her father approached her. "Can you just serve Normani a little less than the rest of us please? I feel like it would help her out." "Help her out with what?" Shit. I haven't told him. "Uh, Papi..this will be confidential right?" "Of course." "Normani has Anorexia." "Oh, wow.." "Yeah, but I'm helping her with it. You know, slowly, small baby steps. So can you serve her less food tonight?" "Sure love. I can do that." "Thanks." "Anything I can do to help, just let me know, consider it done." He said surely. Lauren smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thank you." "Love you Lolo." "Love you too Daddy." "Now go look after Normani." Lauren nodded with a small smile and climbed the stairs to her room. "Hallooooo!" She smiled as she entered the room and saw Normani on the bed drawing. "Hey Lauren." She smiled. "Whatcha drawing there?" "Roses." Normani chuckled. "It's so cliche it's laughable." Lauren shook her head. "No it's not." "What were you doing downstairs?" "Just talking to my Dad." "Oh. Anything important?" Lauren shook her head. "Nah." She lied. Normani pouted when Lauren laid her head down in her lap. "M'tired." Normani patted her head and gave a small smile. "Sleep until dinner." "You don't mind?" Lauren questioned with a yawn. "Not at all." Normani chuckled. "M'kay. Thanks." Lauren mumbled, her eyes closing. A few hours passed by and Lauren woke up to see Normani had disappeared. "Mani?" She called out for the girl, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She checked the bathroom, nothing, the roof, not there either, she even checked downstairs too, and found nothing but her brother. "Hey Lauren." "Hi Chris, where's Mom and Dad?" "Out getting a takeaway for us all." "Oh." "Yeah Mom couldn't be bothered to cook tonight, too tired." "I see. Have you seen Normani around?" "Yeah she went out not too long ago." "Did she say where she was going?" "Nope. Sorry sis." Lauren sighed and grabbed her coat. "Where are you going?" Her brother asked, clearly confused. "To find her?" She said as if it was obvious, and it kind of was. "Two seconds Lo, I'll help you." Lauren smiled and waited for the boy. "Thanks bro." They went out and searched the dark area. "I'll check the park." Chris announced. "Okay, I'll check down the road in case she didn't go far." "Okay." "Call me if you find her!" Lauren called after Chris. "You too!" He shouted back as he ran towards the park. Lauren smiled slightly. He's such a good kid. Lauren was sure she had looked everywhere, except Normani's house. Lauren sprinted to the house full speed and opened the door, it was left unlocked. She hoped to God Normani's mother wasn't home. "Mani?" She called out quietly. "Mani are you here?" Lauren listened closely and heard sniffling coming from ahead of her to the left. Of course. Lauren opened the door and there Normani's was, slumped against the wall in tears. The walls were disturbingly left untouched, her father's splattered blood coating them. "Hey," Normani looked up miserably. "what're you doing here?" Normani's shrugged slowly. "I just..wanted to be with him again." Lauren sighed. "He's gone Mani.." "I know." The dark skinned girl sniffled sadly. "Can I sit with you?" Normani's sighed and nodded. "I guess." Lauren pulled out her phone and called Chris. "I found her." Lauren said simply and hung up. "Who was that?" "No one." Lauren smiled gently and put her phone back in her pocket. "You'd think they'd have cleaned up." Lauren said awkwardly. "No. I don't want them to." Normani's said quickly. "Why not?" Lauren furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "He was here last, Lauren. He's here like this, and I'll take that." "Isn't that a bit.." "Odd? Wrong? Disturbing? Maybe it is but it's all I've got left of him Lauren, you don't get it." Normani interrupted. "You're right, I don't." "Just go." Normani mumbled. "Mani-" "I said, go." Lauren gulped at her harsh words. "Okay, fine, I'll go. Just..come home soon yeah?" Normani didn't respond, just waited for Lauren to leave. "Bye." Lauren whispered as she left and wiped her eyes from tears that had barely fallen. As soon as Normani heard the front door shut she burst into hysterical sobs of anguish over everything. Her mother had upped and left, there was no sign of her when she'd checked her room. All of her clothes were gone. She really didn't care what happened to her daughter. Her father was gone. He left her alone to deal with this mess. Why shouldn't she just die with him? What did she have left? Lauren. Normani gripped her hair tightly and screamed in turmoil. How did everything get so messed up? Where did it go wrong? How did she get here? Why? What did she do to deserve this? As much as she loved Lauren, she needed to be alone for once. She needed to do what she couldn't do with her there. She needed to die.