Love Me (Normani)

Chapter 17

Normani had slept through the rest of the day since Lauren left, well, not left, got pushed out. It was and wasn't the right thing for her to do. She was conflicted. In terms of rationality, it definitely wasn't. She should have let her stay and help if she ever wanted to get better. But Normani didn't want to get better, and that was the big problem. I don't have that. Of course I don't have that. I'm not even sick. There's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with skipping a few meals here and there. There's nothing wrong with throwing up here and there. It's normal. Lots of people do it. There's nothing to worry about. Lauren is being overdramatic. She needs to keep out of my business. That's it. That's all she has to do. Push her away. Push Lauren away like she pushed everyone else away from her. It's so simple, as easy as that. It was the evening, and her empty stomach was harshly protesting her oppositional thoughts with loud growling. Normani gritted her white teeth and elbowed her stomach fiercely. "Shut the fuck up!" She hissed. She didn't know what time it was, she couldn't guess. She could check, but she didn't want to use her phone. She didn't care what anyone was doing. She wondered if her parents were back yet. But she was too fatigued to get out of her bed yet. She'd need to properly psych herself up for it. She knew it shouldn't have been as hard as it was. For the average normal person, that is. She wasn't sure she wanted to know if her parents returned home, she didn't even know if she cared. She was in two minds. On the one hand, they could go fuck theirselves, her mother especially. On the other, they could be supportive, which didn't sound the best idea either, particularly. Lauren was much more understanding up until this point. She didn't need to stick a stupid label on it, Normani wasn't that sick. Actually, no, fuck that. She wasn't sick at all! It was all just lies. Normani took a deep breath in and forced herself to swing her legs over the edge of the bed, get up, and out of her room. Normani squinted at the light as she opened her bedroom door and closed it behind her. She passed an overflowing fruit bowl that had tempted her eyes accidentally but almost immediately thought better of it. Ridiculous. Fruit has calories too you know! Don't be an idiot, fatass! Normani shook her head and blinked a couple of times. She looked around the house for her parents, but only one was home it seemed. Of course it would be her mother, sat outside in the garden. "You're up then." Her mother said, she didn't even turn around and look at her daughter. Normani considered turning around and going elsewhere the second she had seen the older woman, but it was too late once she'd been addressed by her. "Come and sit down with me." Andrea said, her voice was unusually empty, borderline cold. "W-Why?" Normani asked hesitantly. "I need to have a word with you." You need to get out of this conversation now! Run, go before it's too late! "We need to talk." She added after a few seconds. "No, I-I don't want to talk." Idiot, why did you stutter? What the hell's the matter with you, are you still in middle school? "You have no say, sit down." Normani heard the pressing tone to her voice and knew that she should just go with it. "What do you want?" She asked hesitantly, sitting on the bench next to her, but as far away as she could be. "I want to know why you're doing this to me." Normani frowned in a mixture of confusion and disbelief. "I'm not doing anything to you Mom." "Yes, Normani, you are. You're certainly punishing me for something and I want to know what and why." Normani sighed and shook her head to herself. "I almost wish I could give you an answer. But I can't give you one." "You must know why you're doing this Normani!" "I don't!" The girl insisted. "Tell me! What have I done?" Normani almost laughed. "This isn't about you." "How do you know it's not my fault if you don't even know why it is you're doing it." Normani swallowed thickly. She'd been stumped. "I'm going out." "Where are you going then?" "I don't know, somewhere, anywhere!" Normani stood up and started to walk away from the woman she called her mother. "Yeah that's it! Run away from it like you always do!" The dark skinned girl wiped some tears from her cheeks and squeezed her eyes shut to hold in the rest that had yet to fall. She got outside her house and she had to admit she didn't think this far ahead. She didn't have a clue where the hell she was going to go. She already pushed Lauren away, Dinah didn't want to know, Camila had Austin. You have no one. It was true. She had no one. She was alone. She just had to run with it. So she did, she ran, she ran and ran and ran as far as her weak legs could carry her. She didn't know where she was by the time she stopped and gasped for breath, falling to her knees. So you're so tired you've resorted to pleading, begging on your knees. How ironic. How pathetic of you. How sad, how weak. Normani struggled to hold in her inner turmoil and let out loud, blood curdling screams which soon turned into sobs and fake cries for help. Or so she thought at least, deep down, her cries were as real as they could get, and even deeper down, she knew that. Normani looked around, physically and mentally exhausted, and she had found herself to be on an empty beach. She couldn't remember which direction she had come from specifically, but she was in no rush to get home. So she didn't suppose that it mattered all that much. She laid back in the sand and stared up at the sky. It was always good now and then to remind yourself there's always something bigger out there. That things like sunsets and horizons exist, that the sea extends to unimaginable distances. "I love it here." Normani jumped at the sound of a voice behind her. "May I sit here with you?" Normani wished she had the courage and rudeness in her to say no. But she didn't. She was too kind and too polite for that. Even now and in this current state. Normani wore an oversized shirt under a knitted, baggy and oversized white jumper with black leggings that miraculously fit her legs. Normani didn't have the energy or the willpower to speak, and she wasn't sure anything would come out if she'd tried. She'd thrown up so much that morning that it was a distinct possibility that she would have no voice and be even more embarrassed than she already was. "It's nice here, isn't it." The girl sat down by her, Normani shuffled away a little. She didn't give any indication she could sit with her at all, but she supposed she would have to cope with it now. The girl's decision was made and there she sat; much to Normani's discomfort. "My name is Ally." Normani decided to try and speak to her, after all, she was too polite to ignore the girl. She seemed lovely to even look at. Normani didn't imagine that her personality would be any different to her beauty. Excluding the fact she had sat down without her permission of course. "Normani." She mumbled. "How old are you Normani?" "16." "I'm 19." Didn't really ask. "Cool." She sighed out. "Is everything alright?" "You know, look, I'm sorry to be rude but I came here to be alone. For some peace. I don't get a lot of that lately and it would be very much appreciated if you'd just go away and leave me alone." Normani said seriously, her voice was breaking though. "Your voice doesn't sound too good Normani." "Maybe I have a cold!" Normani suggested raising her voice. "I don't think so." Ally challenged. Normani glared at her and scoffed. "I don't even know you. I don't have to explain anything about myself to someone that I don't even know." "You know my name." Ally said matter of factly. "I didn't ask for it." Normani rolled her eyes. "Look, Ally, I don't care what it is you're doing here, or what you think of me, I want you to go away." Silence. "Now, preferably." Ally seemed to obey as she stood up and dusted herself off. "Thank you." Normani said with a scoff of relief. But it seemed as though she had misunderstood when she saw an outstretched hand held out for her. "It'll get dark out here soon, why don't you come back into town with me." "I don't want to go anywhere." Normani pushed her hand away. "You're stubborn as heck you know that?" "Says you." The dark skinned girl rolled her eyes. "Let me take you home." "I don't want to go home, I want to be anywhere but there." Ally licked her lips in thought. "I have a friend I can take you to, she's really nice." "As nice as you I suppose." Normani grumbled. "Her name is Lauren Jauregui. She's about your age." "Wait. You know Lauren?" "Yes. You know Lauren?" Ally directed back at her. "Yeah, I do. She's like my best friend." "Great! Let me take you to her place then. I'd hate to leave you out here alone. I'd never forgive myself if I did." "Uh, that might not be such a good idea." "Why not?" "We had a fight today." Ally tilted her head to the side as she listened to the girl. Normani couldn't decide if it was curious or condescending. "Oh, well I'm sure she'll have forgotten about it by now." "Are you sure?" Normani asked hesitantly, the more Ally talked about the idea, the more she wanted to see the girl. "If she hasn't, I'll make her forget. I really just want to get you off this open beach and somewhere safe." Normani chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "Alright. I guess it is getting dark. Thank you." Ally smiled and reached for the girl's hand again. Normani looked down at it and connected their hands hesitantly. Ally tried to make conversation at first as the two walked away from the beach and to Lauren's house, but Normani didn't make an effort to keep anything going. So Ally decided to leave things as they were and gave up. "Lauren!" Ally shouted happily when she saw the girl sitting on her porch. "Hi Als." Lauren smiled half heartedly and hugged her lightly. "I have someone here to see you. I just met her myself, but she said you're like best friends." Lauren looked behind her and saw Normani. "Mani." Normani looked up into her green eyes apologetically and Lauren took that as her sincerest apology. It was the best thing she could give her at the moment, especially in front of someone new. Well, at least new to Normani. "I didn't want to leave her out on the beach alone, so I brought her back here. I hope you don't mind." "No that's fine, you did the right thing." Lauren finally took her eyes off Normani and smiled reassuringly at Ally. "You go home and get some rest, I've got her now." Ally nodded and went up to Normani with a warm smile on her face. "Goodbye, it was very nice meeting you Normani." Normani could only nod to the girl silently and watch her leave. "Come inside." Lauren nodded her head over to the door and Normani followed her reluctantly. All plans of pushing the green eyed girl away had diminished the second their eyes met. "I'm so sorry I kicked you out of my house earlier." Normani croaked weakly. Lauren opened her arms to hug the girl, and Normani sadly reciprocated it. "You should remember that I don't care what you've done to me Mans. Your safety is the most important thing to me." Normani nodded and closed her eyes in her neck. "I'm really sorry Lo. I'm a bad person." Lauren frowned and leaned back. "Hey. Don't say that. You're not a bad person Normani." Lauren cupped her cheeks. Normani could see Lauren's face properly in the light. She had noticed that Lauren had gotten into some kind of fight, but that could wait. Lauren's eyes looked tired, so the dark skinned girl knowingly pulled her into another hug. Lauren swallowed thickly to try and keep her feelings at bay, but it was unsuccessful and a muffled sob was let out into Normani's shoulder. Normani reached her hand up and stroked Lauren's hair to soothe her. "I need you." Lauren whimpered. "I know, and I need you too." Normani breathed, kissing Lauren's cheek. You don't need anyone. Normani let out a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes in her friend's shoulder, embracing the moment. Neither girl wanted to break the hug, and neither of them were about to anytime soon.