Extinguisher (A Sequel to Firefighter)

Chapter 100

Chapter 100 Extinguisher

Noah's POV

Since I'd seen that picture of Lex, I'd felt better. I thought that that would never happen, that seeing her happy would only make things worse, but I guess I'd accepted it. I'd been thinking about her a lot lately, how she made me happier than I realized. I'd also had a lot of time to think about her happiness, how I felt so proud of that girl for finally getting to a good place. I always thought I was part of that plan but I could get through it if I wasn't. I wouldn't die.

Tonight, I was supposed to go out with Luke but I was instead walking around the city, thinking about my life. Things weren't as bad anymore but I didn't feel as happy as I should have. It was hard. For the past couple of months, I hadn't slept with anyone, deciding that I needed to just be alone. I didn't want something superficial. I didn't want to have sex for the simple pleasure. I wanted more, something I was unlikely to get.

I walked to Meg's dorm room. She would be surprised to see me, probably hating me for what I'd tell her but I didn't care. It was unfair of me to think I felt a certain way about her when I could never love her like I loved Lex. I needed to be on my own. Meg had to of already known that. I hadn't spoken to her in weeks and I'd admitted to Luke that I didn't want to get an apartment with them next semester. I didn't know what I wanted to do.

Walking up the many steps to get to her room had me panting, my heart pounding wildly against my ribcage. I constantly felt this dull feeling that constantly inhabited my body. I didn't get excited about much and I knew I should be, but I wasn't wound up about telling Meg what I needed her to hear. I was just...numb.

My fist rapped against her door and I sighed deeply, hearing light footsteps against her tile flooring.

"Noah?"

"I...Is your roommate in?"

"No...She isn't here." Meg shook her head.

Her blonde waves were pulled into a ponytail that rested against one of her shoulders. I tried not to let her beauty cloud my judgement. She would always be a beautiful girl but not a girl that I loved with all my heart. It wasn't fair of me to waste her time when I would never accept a future with her. I knew deep inside that I would never marry her or want to. I wouldn't ever look into her eyes and not think about how they were different from Lex's, their coloration lighter and their shine not as bright as my one true love's. She wasn't Lex and that's what it all boiled down to. She wasn't her.

"Can I come in?" I looked down the hallway, seeing a stumbling drunk girl attempting to unlock her door with shaky hands.

Meg leaned over the threshold, her eyes rolling as she got a good look at the girl that had captured my attention.

"Sure." She whispered, brown irises finally trained on me once again.

With fidgeting hands, I followed Meg into her room and over to her twin sized bed. The half of the room that belonged to her roommate was messy and unorganized; something I knew drove Meg mad. Despite my previous sense of solace, I was an anxious mess now that reality hit me hard. I knew how Meg was and after this I knew that she would more than likely never speak another word to me. That would be okay and I knew I could get over it because I was doing this for the both of us. I had been so unfair to the girl who was currently sitting beside me at the end of her mattress.

"You look...How come you've been avoiding me for the past two months? Did I do something?"

"No." I whispered, shaking my head lightly.