Extinguisher (A Sequel to Firefighter)

Chapter 73

Chapter 73 Extinguisher

Noah's POV

I hadn't been able to get my mind off the things Luke and Meg said to me at the arcade, and on Monday morning, their words were ever clearer in my mind. I walked into school...more like slumped, with a completely different outlook on everything. Yes, maybe I was stupid for telling Lex that everything was fine and using her body for a distraction, but I didn't know what else to do. If she could read my mind at this very moment, she would cry her eyes out and hate me for even thinking such things.

I had decided I agreed with Luke on some things, but not about the part where I have to let her go. I knew she needed help and I was slowly beginning to see that maybe I wasn't enough. Maybe sometimes I think I am, but I'm not a professional. I'm not all that she needs. Since Friday night, I was glad to have school. It was something I was obligated to do but it gave me time alone to think about all of this. It gave me time to really look at things from a new perspective. I wanted more for Lex Landon that what she was getting and I knew that if I had done everything she needed, she'd be better right now. I thought maybe I could just love her and that would save her, but that's just not how it works. Lex has made such an improvement and I'd like to think that has something to do with me, but I know in my heart that she doesn't get up, look in the mirror, and think she's worth a lot. She doesn't see herself like most people do.

I'd like to say that I've learned a lot from all of this and maybe I'd still be doing what I was doing if Meg and especially Luke hadn't given me a wakeup call. Sawyer kind of tried and my dad attempted but I haven't really started thinking about what they were actually saying until now.

If I love her like I say I do, I would go get her help right now. I'd be willing to lose her if that meant getting her mental health and stability back.

God, what am I even thinking? She'll hate me.

My nerves were shot but deep down, it was like a weight was slowly lifting from my shoulders because I felt like I was finally finding the missing piece to a puzzle. I didn't want to do any of the things that were on my mind, but I knew that if I loved her, I would eventually.

God, I don't want to lose her but I can't just watch her relapse again. I know she will.

I tried to dismiss the thought as I met Luke by our lockers and we began to walk to the auditorium to help the Drama club. Mrs. Welsh was standing at the doors as we entered, sending us harsh glares as she glanced down at her wrist watch, making sure we were on time. Luke muttered 'bitch' under his breath after we'd passed her and I smiled at his childishness, wishing I could tell him everything that was on my mind.

"Luke..."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for the other night. I know I didn't really appreciate it but it kind of got me thinking about things."

"Really?"

"Yeah...I'm just trying to figure out what the best thing is." I nodded and he respectively changed the subject, knowing I didn't want to dwell on that same conversation again.

We walked down the aisle all the way until we were in front of the stage. Meg had a headset hanging around her neck, calling out directions while she moved her arms, motioning instructions for the people on stage.

"Boo!" I poked her from behind, making her jump in the air, her hand placed to her heart as she turned around.

She smiled at us, taking in ragged breaths as she tried to regain her composure. Our eyes met and I didn't look away. She didn't either. Her blonde waves were pulled into a high ponytail, hanging halfway down her back, even when pulled up. Her face was perfect and the innocence I loved lurked in her eyes.