Extinguisher (A Sequel to Firefighter)

Chapter 41

Chapter 41 Extinguisher

Alexa's POV

I sat on the front steps right beside Sawyer. He'd actually emerged from the house to sit with me, taking me by surprise. It was almost like I didn't know what to say to him. Cole was up in my room, taking another shower. The boy could take three showers in one day, easy. Now, part of me wished that I would've stayed up in my room.

"Did you have fun tonight?" Sawyer asked, looking up at me briefly but quickly looking away when my eyes met his.

"Yeah, I really did. We went to some haunted houses and the fair. Why didn't you go out?"

"I don't know...Didn't feel like it."

I pulled my brows low, not understanding why Sawyer of all people was holing up in his room, hanging out with Aaron and Ben every minute of the day instead of going out with his friends. He hadn't been talking to me and now, in this moment, I had no idea what to do.

"So...uh...How's school going?"

"Fine...other than the fact that all of my professors think we're still in high school. The perks of community college." He muttered, looking off down the street, lamp poles dimly lighting our neighborhood.

I shuddered, the wind even more brutal than earlier when Cole and I were on the Ferris wheel. Sawyer took notice immediately, leaning up to pull his jacket off before draping it over my shoulder. His scent wafted my senses and almost made me cry on the spot. It had been ages since I'd worn his clothes. I used to sneak into his room and steal his t-shirts and sweatshirts. A year ago, my wardrobe consisted of Saw's sweatshirts and Noah's flannels.

"It's been a while since I...uh...wore your sweatshirt."

Saw cleared his throat, sliding away from me to rest his head on the stair railing. He avoided my eyes but when he spoke, my jaw nearly dropped open.

"Yeah well I guess things change, huh? You know...When you figure...things out and they hurt you, do you ever just put up a wall? Sometimes not knowing the truth makes us feel better. Being in the dark...protects us. Do you know what I mean?"

"I can't say I do." I admitted, shaking my head, confused, as he finally looked at me.

I watched him sigh deeply before running a hand through his dark hair. Pain flooded his eyes as he shook his head pitifully. He looked like he might break down at any moment and I wanted more than anything to reach out and hug him. My brother looked in pain and it could very possibly be the most heartbreaking sight of all.

"Does this have something to do with me? I mean, what did I do? We were...really close and now..."

"Lex, some people...like Cole and Noah, they know certain...things about you. They're able to put it behind them and focus on all of your wonderful traits. They can know these things and they can deal with it...but for me...it's almost impossible. To overlook it...it's almost impossible."

I was about to ask him what he meant, what he was trying to say, but I lost my words as he picked up my hand pushing my sleeve up. My breath hitched in my throat as he ran a thumb along my wrist, shiny scars littering my skin. He cleared his throat, his eyes glossy...so much pain appearing in them.

"It's almost impossible for some people to be around other people who don't care about themselves. You know...the one person I love the most in the world...she couldn't care less about herself and I couldn't watch it. Maybe that makes me a coward...I don't know but, I couldn't deal with that. I was too scared to change it...to encourage you or...anything. I just shut down and...I can't do this."