Extinguisher (A Sequel to Firefighter)

Chapter 84

Chapter 84 Extinguisher

Alexa's POV

"Lex..."

"I'm not hungry." I uttered, dropping my blade and fighting tears as my mother lightly tapped against the bathroom door.

I couldn't stop this time and I was losing blood like crazy even with my t-shirt tied tightly around my thigh. I'd called Noah once but it went straight to voicemail. It didn't matter. I knew he was done, just like I always imagined he would be eventually. Part of me felt just like Cole; worthless, useless, and an utter mistake. Without Noah, I didn't know what I was doing at all. I wanted him back. I needed him back.

"Lex, honey you need to eat."

"It's okay, mom. I'm okay. I'll be out later, just getting out of the shower." I covered my mouth, muffling sobs as I slid further down on the tile.

Soon, she was gone and I was trying to compose myself, failing miserably because all I could do was cry, tugging harshly at my roots. I just wanted him, so scared to be without him, so terrified of living without Noah. I slid my finger across the glass screen of my phone, redialing Noah's number in my recent calls log.

"Hey, it's Noah. Leave a message."

"Noah...please. I'm sorry. Come over. Okay...bye."

Thirty minutes later, I was in the same spot, holding onto every bit of hope I had that Noah would call me back. He wouldn't but I think I wanted it so much that I just eventually convinced myself he would. I thought of climbing into his window, but it had only been a few hours since he begged me for space. My heart felt broken and somehow I knew he was letting me down easy. Somewhere deep in my heart, I realized we were over.

Nothing could hurt worse than this.

I've lost him.

With tears in my eyes, I drug the blade across some scar tissue healing from one of my older wounds. I felt my heart pound, but the pain in my chest diminished for a few moments just as I applied some pressure to the area with a blood stained bandage. My body jolted as my phone sounded, causing me to snatch it up, my finger sliding over my lock screen so fast that I couldn't look at who was.

"Noah?"

"Um...it's Tucker. Are you okay, Lexa?"

"No." my voice cracked and I shut my eyes again, knowing I couldn't hide the tears.

"Lex...I...What's wrong?"

"I'm...I'm sad."

"Where are you?"

"M-My house."

"I'm going to come get you. You can...hang out with me and Coby. We can go eat and it will get your mind off whatever is bothering you. I don't want you alone in your room hurting. Where's Noah at?"

"He's...We're taking...a break." I struggled to get the words out, wishing they weren't true and instead some figment of my imagination.

I waited to wake from this horrible dream, but it was real and the reality of it all scared me more than I liked to admit. I sat in my bathroom for several minutes before standing to clean myself, climbing in the shower to wash off the blood that had dried to my skin. The injuries burned against the warm water, the stinging sensation distracting me, but only for a few short moments before I was back to my thoughts, anxiety taking over my now frail body. Once showered, I climbed out of the acrylic tub, my feet feeling cold against the tile as I brushed my teeth.

There were dark bags under my eyes and I looked as if I hadn't slept in ages. My skin was pale and I felt tired and weak, an effect from losing so much blood. I couldn't meet my own eyes in the mirror, too afraid that I would begin sobbing again from the sight.