Extinguisher (A Sequel to Firefighter)

Chapter 87

Chapter 87 Extinguisher

Alexa's POV

I think everyone reaches a certain point where they've cried all of their tears, where their tear ducts shut down, refusing to produce anymore. That happened to me as I went day to day, feeling more alone than I had in my entire life. Maybe I wouldn't change a thing, but I found myself constantly wondering what my life would be like if I'd never gotten involved with Noah, if I'd never cheated on Cole or even thought about it.

Running my hand through Aero's fur, I came to terms with the fact that this was real, that I did get involved with Noah and that he did shatter my heart into a million pieces. He'd made sure to tell me to call him if I needed anything, but the calls went to his voicemail and my texts remained delivered but unanswered. I knew he was probably busy but the three weeks were running out and I hadn't spoken to him once. I hadn't seen him anywhere and he never showed when I spent two nights in a row at our special place.

I thought that maybe he didn't want to work things out, or if he was still thinking and contemplating the idea of giving us another shot. I was ready for things to get back to normal. Noah had been part of my routine for a long time and now that everything was shaken, I felt hopeless. I felt like shit and to me, that's what everything else felt like. I didn't like being away from Noah one bit and I wanted to call him again, to leave another voicemail letting him know that I still loved him. I guessed he was avoiding all contact with me and in a way, I guess even I understood that.

.............................

"Lexa..."

"I'm fine, Tuck."

"You're not fine. Your face is starting to sink in. You're not eating. You're skinny as a rail and you look like you're about to starve. I hate seeing you like this. I know you're worried but Noah would have to be absolutely insane not to come to his senses." My co-worker nodded, trying to reassure me despite the fact that he was failing.

"You might be able to fool your family, and even your boyfriend, but not me. You're in pain. I know what that's like and I know how it feels to have someone you love leave you. But Lex, it gets better. It's not always going to be like this and if you just keep telling yourself that, eventually even you will believe it."

I shook my head because none of it was true. I was way past self-reassurance. I had no strength to tell myself anything, let alone look at myself in a mirror. I wasn't gone, but I might as well have been. Nothing inside of me felt like it was properly functioning. I felt like I was breaking down, everything inside me breaking along with the muscle pumping blood through my veins. I couldn't feel it beating anymore. When I sliced my skin open, I could barely feel the pain anymore. It was nothing like the pain I felt when Noah walked through the door.

Lex was gone and in her place was this lifeless body and soul, someone I never wanted to be. I never wanted this. It's not like I loved pain so much that I brought this on myself. It seemed to have just...happened and maybe at the time, I didn't really understand it myself. The only thing I really knew was that I wanted Noah back. I wanted to just feel his arms around me, which would somehow take me back to...me.

I closed my eyes, thinking about it and trying to envision it. A hand touched my shoulder and even though it was Tucker, to me it was Noah. In my fantasy, he had made a mistake and wanted me back. We would hug and kiss, making up and finally deciding to be happy, putting the bad behind us.

Would the bad ever really be behind us or would it follow me like an inner demon in an attempt to ruin every part of my life including my relationships? Would I wake up tomorrow morning and call Noah only for him to ignore me like he'd done since we started this break?