Extinguisher (A Sequel to Firefighter)

Chapter 90

Chapter 90 Extinguisher

Alexa's POV

"Noah, I'm sorry. Can we forget this ever happened? I'm so sorry. I couldn't do it. Can you call me when you wake up? I hope we can be like we used to. I'm done hurting us. I love you." I rambled.

I hung up the phone, sighing because the words were lies, only an attempt to get him back. I wasn't done hurting us because I'd always fuck up everything and everyone I was around. I didn't care how upset he was. He could yell and scream at me but I couldn't stand seeing him walk away again. I couldn't see him walk through the door again. I wouldn't be able to stand it and I might end up in the same position as I was the night before. I dialed Noah's number again, waiting to let him forward it to voicemail again.

"Noah, please come over. I just want you back. I love you."

For some reason, even though I felt lifeless, I was hopeful that Noah would reconsider everything...that he would take me back. It wasn't good that he left me the night before, but surely...that wasn't just it. He loved me.

When he left the night before, Saw held me back and I cried in his arms. I was weak and I'm still weak. My body is tired and worn out. I felt light headed, dizzy from losing so much blood. There were cuts along my inner thighs and overall, I was more damaged than I'd ever been. Inside, I still felt the same. I still loved Noah and I knew that we could work things out and clean up the mess I'd made before my parents ever got home. I knew that somehow, we'd be okay. That's all I had left to hope for.

"Noah, please...just call me. I'm losing my mind. Okay, I'm going to go get something to eat. I feel weak. Um...call me when you wake up."

Sawyer was nowhere to be found, no longer in my room. He'd been there all night, watching me pretend to sleep. He didn't shut his eyes once and I knew because he paced my room all night in his sock feet. He wasn't going to let me out of his sight and even now, I was surprised that he wasn't in my room when I finally woke from a fitful hour of sleep.

"Saw...?" I called, slipping on my Vans to step over the trash that I had thrown in my floor, a rampage of trashing my room the previous night.

The hallway was empty and my heart split in two as I recalled my brothers crying over me. Noah had cried over me a million times and I knew that I could trust him with everything, but not my brothers. Aaron had cried and cried and I felt like the most retched person ever for causing him so much pain. He was old enough to know what self-harm was and all night I constantly thought about how I wished he was too young to understand...too naive to be corrupted. The whole thing was such a mess that I felt the need to heal. I could heal the situation. I had to fix everything.

Thoughts continually flowed through my head as I tiptoed down the hall. The upstairs was quiet and I figured my brothers were sleeping, trying to recover from the exhausting night we all endured. I made plans to cook breakfast as I descended down the stairs. A smile made its way to my face as I heard Aero letting out a yelp, running to meet me once I was downstairs.

"Hey buddy. How..."

When I looked up, everything that I was thinking, every one of my thoughts vanished into thin air. I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't stop it. I was awful and I felt sick, mentally, physically...emotionally. Nothing made sense as I looked at the people who loved me most. It was like some TV show, perfectly orchestrated in every aspect, but I couldn't feel a thing but sadness...anger. My mother sat on the couch, small hand covering her mouth as she just cried into my father's shoulder. Sawyer and Ben were seated in front of them but I could only focus on my parents. My mother's body shook and she cried like I'd never seen anyone cry. My father's eyes were red and puffy and I had to look away from them. My hand dangled by my side, clutching onto some of Aero's fur, who stood almost full grown beside me.