Make Me Live Again

Morning Trip

I woke up to food for four people and I ate it all. I was famished. We swam in the hotel pool and there was no one there. We almost had sex in the hotel pool but we made it back to the room, barely. The door closed and we were on the floor. I was right, the carpet was soft enough to sleep on. Kai carried me to bed. We enjoyed the shower and the tub. I never wanted to take a bath without Kai ever again.

We were lying on the bed spent from the tub. "I have never had anyone in the tub!" Kai smiled. "We are doing that again before we leave." He was tempted to increase their stay. Indefinitely.

"You do things to my body that I didn't even know could be real. I didn't know those things existed." I said as a shimmer of pleasure vibrated through my body. We spent half of the night in the tub and left at check out the next morning. I was exhausted.

I slept for a while in the car. Kai woke me for a fast food dinner. I was thrilled.

"I will treat you to something nice later. I know a place when we get back." Kai promised.

"This is great. I am starving." I started to eat. "I feel like I should be doing something nice for you. I don't want this to be one sided."

Kai smiled and I could see his fangs. "Trust me, Gibbs. You do things for me all the time; just spending time with me is a gift. You are perfect and don't need to do anything. Just be you."

I just rubbed his knuckle with my thumb. I was speechless again. No one ever treated me this way!

Kai kissed my hand and didn't say anything. "Where are we?" I asked as I looked out the window.

Kai told me and I knew we had an hour to get there.

"I need to call my mom." Kai handed me the phone and she picked up and said hello with suspicion. She probably thought it was a telemarketer calling. I told we were coming.

"What does your mom do for a living?" Kai asked.

"Oh, she is a nurse at the medical center nearby. She loves her job. She's very good at it. I'm just happy she still talks to me. My sister and brother don't."

"Why?" He sounded mad.

"It's my fault." I assured him. "My dad died and I didn't go to the funeral. I couldn't. I couldn't deal with any more grief. My fiance just died a couple months before. I couldn't go. I stopped by and told her I loved her but I didn't stay." I sighed. I should have stayed.

"How did your fiance die?" Kai didn't know that part.

I took a breath. This was a story I never told anyone. It wasn't even in my death movie. "We had a big fight. There was a girl that was at the art school kept flirting with him, even posed nude for him and that part didn't bother me. He had a few people that he used for nude models and some were guys. I knew that wasn't sexual. But she would rub against him and he flirted back."

"She would pose very seductively. His drawings were very... detailed. I didn't like it. It was more than jealousy. I knew he flirted with her. I had people ask about her. They thought they were dating. I felt like a fool. I was working and paying the bills and he was flirting with a naked art chick. I don't think anything actually happened but other people thinking it was unsettling." I paused. Kai was quiet so I moved on.

"I was working a lot of long hours for a law firm. There was a huge case coming up and we were working six or seven days a week. I hadn't seen Leo in a week. I was hoping to spend my day off with him. I got home from work and he was waiting for me. We didn't live together. I didn't want to until we got married. I enjoyed my alone time. I loved being alone."

"That girl was going with him to an art exhibit. There was a carload and I knew it wasn't just her. I knew she was just going for Leo. I was angry. I had a long day at work. I hadn't seen him all week and I asked him to stay with me. I wanted to eat a late dinner and talk." I paused and took a breath.

"I could feel him getting more distant and I was trying to fix the gap. We had things in our relationship that we needed to work on. Leo chose them over me. It was rough. I was furious and stormed out. It was my apartment but I stormed out. He left for the exhibit. I was going to my sisters to stay the night. I didn't make it there. I got a call halfway." I stopped for a moment. I knew he was going to ask what happened. "Car accident. I drove to the hospital. He didn't die right away."

"I watched him laying there for two days. His body was shutting down. His parents asked me for permission to unplug him. I watched his dad sign the order. They unplugged the machine. Worst night of my life. I watched the machine slowly shut off. It wasn't like in the movies. It took about an hour for his body to stop, maybe more. I was dazed. He was brain dead. They turned the volume off so I didn't hear the line just beat one long beep. The nurses were kind to us. They let us sit there as long as we needed."

"It didn't feel real for a while. I knew he was gone but I couldn't feel anything but sorrow. I couldn't get past it. I felt like I had died and I couldn't feel anything. Then my dad died a month later. His health had been declining for years. I think my mom was expecting him to die. I couldn't deal with it. I don't expect my siblings to understand. My mom did though. I was grateful. My last words to Leo were 'if you go tonight and die, I won't go to your funeral!'"

"Shit!" That was Kai's response.

"Right. I was wrong. I did go to his funeral. Three people died. The girl didn't and she made it to the funeral. I made her leave. I hated her. Maybe I blamed her, I don't know. I never talked to anyone about that." I sighed. "I should have died in that woods. I don't understand how I'm here. I deserve to go to hell."

"No. Gibbs. You don't. You deserve to be here with me. You deserve so much more that I can give you. But I will try!" Kai promised as I had tears and watched the world go by.

We were silent for a while. "Uh, I have a question." Kai finally spoke.

"Sure. What?" I looked at Kai and smiled. He was perfect.

"You said you lived alone because you loved being alone. Did I make a mistake by moving you into my room?" Kai would move Gibbs into his own room again if he wanted that.

"Oh, no. I loved being alone when I...before." I paused and took a breath. "Now. I hate it. I don't like being alone at all. I thought about that when you told me you moved my stuff in your room. I should have been upset and angry that you made the decision for me. Before, I would have been furious. But, Kai. I love that you did that. I love the idea of sharing a room with you and never being alone again. I hate being alone now. I hate being anywhere that you aren't. I don't understand it and decided not to try."

Kai smiled. "Good. I didn't want to move you out. Please, let me know if I do anything that you hate or that hurts you. I'm new at this and I hate to admit that I have no idea what I'm doing. Don't tell anyone I said that." He smiled bigger.

I laughed. "Not a word, I promise. I love you and I love that you moved me into your room. I melted when you told me that. I couldn't be mad at you. I love that you hold doors for me and pull out my chair and the way you look at me. I have never had anyone look at me that way. I don't know how I even walk around, I feel like mush most of the time!" I took a breath.

"Good." He was thrilled that he was doing his job... Better. He was making him feel like mush.

I closed my eyes and smiled. I was mush, sitting in the car.