Professor ellis (X reader)

81.

miscarriage

"i'm no longer pregnant?" you ask
the nurse nods "i'm really sorry"
"where..is it"
"______ you can't ask that" tom says you frown at him
"i can ask whatever i like" you snap
the nurse looks at him and then back at you
"when you came in you were heavily bleeding"
you nod "so you threw it away?"
the nurse sits at the end of your bed
"_______ at the stage you was at it was a blob of tissue so we had no choice but to get rid of everything" you stare into space
tom and mason have sat down on chairs neither one of them looking at you
"was it my fault"
"of course it wasn't your fault" the nurse says sweetly "what caused it" you whisper
"there's different reasons..i've seen a lot because of stress"
you nod "i've been stressing...and i had cramps two days ago and today"
the nurse gives you a hug "i'm sorry i really am"
"when can i go home"
"whenever you're ready..just let us know so i can take that out of your arm"
you nod "can you take it out now please"

no one spoke the whole taxi ride back to masons, tom sat at the front and mason sat at the back with you.

you all sit in the living room in silence for what seemed like forever until mason asked if you wanted a cup of tea
i think if it was ww3 and we were half dead he'd ask if we'd want one
you reply with a yes and so did tom
mason comes back in 3 minutes later he passes one cup to you and one to tom "thank you" you say as you put your hands around the cup
"thanks" tom says and then adds "you haven't poisoned this have you?" in a half joking tone
"i haven't however if i did i wouldn't tell you" mason says in a half joking tone back to tom.

you sit in silence again as you drink your tea
"i cant handle this silence for any longer..are you okay?" you look at mason and shrug "i just feel numb yknow" mason nods
"how about you" he asks tom, he clears his throat before speaking "it hasn't really hit me..the same day my fiance told me she was pregnant she loses it"
"you say that as if its my fault" you reply
"i didn't mean it that way..i know it isn't your fault"

a few hours later

"wheres mason" you ask tom as you enter the living room after being in the shower
"he had to go out and do a favour for a friend"
you nod "oh right okay..when was that"
"you've not long missed him"
"did he say when he would be back"
"not really he just said he will get back as soon as he can"
"okay" you reply
tom sighs and stands up "come here" he says as he reaches out for you.
you wrap your arms around his waist hugging him tight and he does the same which makes you cry
"its okay sweetheart let it out I've got you"
"it really isn't..can we talk about this because i want to know how you feel and what's going on in your head..i don't want us to avoid this"
tom nods "sure"
you both part from the hug and sit down
"where do you want to start" tom asks you
"if i didn't lose it what would you have done would you of made me get rid..maybe made us split up"
"firstly i would never make you get rid of a baby..yes both of us made it but its you who'd be carrying it and it would be in your body so in my opinion i don't have a say in what you do with it"
you nod slowly "okay then did you want me to get rid of it when i told you i was pregnant"
"of course not _________..I'm aware i didn't exactly react how you'd expect someone to react when their girl tells you that they're pregnant but just a few hours ago i convinced myself that you were cheating on me so when you told me that you were pregnant it didn't feel real and before you mention what i said in bed the one night i was stupid to come out with that and i really do regret it"
"then why say it"
"i dont know work was stressful you had things going on and i couldn't imagine having a baby in that moment"
"how do you feel now...that there is no baby"
"wow that was straight to the point"
"sorry i just need to know"
"i feel awful that you've been going through hell"
"how do you know that"
"me and mason talked at the hospital while you were out"
"oh okay fair enough"
"how do you feel" tom asks you
"empty numb stupid..the list goes on" tom puts his hand on your thigh and strokes it
"I'm sorry sweetheart"
"theres no need to be..im the one who should be saying sorry"
"for what?"
"for..running from you for ghosting you for keeping this from you from-"
"enough of that...what you did i would of done too..you do not need to apologise"
"have i messed things up for us?"
"of course you haven't sweetheart" he pulls you closer to him and kisses your forehead
"where do we go from here" you ask him
"we take things slowly not the relationship because i can't go through not touching you for that long again but as in each day because you're bound to have down moments and things may get overwhelming so how about we take a break"
your heart starts to pound "what do you mean by that" tom sees the panic in your eyes and reassures you
"i didn't mean take a break from the relationship i meant as in a small get away..a break from our phones and the outside world"
"that sounds nice..where was you thinking?"
"well considering we are in the UK i thought we could stay at my mom and dads cabin in scottland"
"will they be there"
"they wont be no, they're currently in spain or italy..i forgot which one they said, knowing my father they've gone to both"
you let out a little laugh "okay then..that sounds good"
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I didn't post when I said I would because I've been super busy and just didn't have the time to write and edit but at least the chapter is out now🥴

Personally I think it's messy af but it is what it is

Next chapter will be out on Sunday if I can I'll post it before then