Agape & Eros

Slipping Through My Fingers

Ram sat on a bench in the hospital corridor. His friends and family surrounded him, yet he felt so alone like never before. 

The surgery was complicated, the doctor described the whole situation but Ram could hardly focus on that. His mind was stuck at the moment when the doctor said Priya would need brain surgery due to a contusion.

He slowly got up and started to walk. Nandini stopped him holding his hand and asked him what happened. He couldn't form a sentence to describe what happened to him. He just uttered a few words.

Ram- Temple, I have to...

Nandini left his hand. His state surprised her and made her afraid. A completely new Ram stood in front of her whose priority lay somewhere else than her. Still, she tried to control him like she always had. She signaled Shubhu to go with him. Shubhu was about to but Ram kept saying no. He wanted to go alone. After some failed attempts Nandini had to let Ram alone. 

Ram walked to the temple all alone. He looked like a lifeless person. He couldn't think of anything properly. His mind was clouded by the few memories of their happy moments. Upon reaching the temple his legs gave up. He sat down in front of the Goddess, helpless, and alone. He folded his hands in prayer. He prayed for Priya. For hours he sat there, motionless with only one prayer on his lips, begging for his life, his heartbeat, his everything- Priya. 

His trance broke by Sara's call. 

Sara- Hello, Ram. Priya's surgery is done. They are taking her to the post-op. Where are you?

Ram- Ha? I'm here. I'm coming. 

Ram cut the call. He left the temple after one last bow before the Goddess. Outside the temple, he found some people begging for food. He gave them all the cash he had on himself and requested them to pray for his wife. Then he ran back to the hospital. 

In the hospital, he asked the doctors about the surgery. The doctors said that the operation was successful. But they needed to run a few tests after she regained consciousness. Only then they could comment on her overall situation. 

Ram's heart sank in fear. He requested them to let him stay by her side. The doctors permitted. 

The whole night Ram stayed by her side without making a noise. Occasionally, fixing her sheets, caressing her hand, and putting light kisses on her fingers. Overwhelmed by the emotions he rested his head beside her and dozed off for a few minutes. 

He saw a dream. 

A beautiful dream. 

Priya was smiling. She was standing in front of her. Her hair was open. She was in a simple suit. Ram intertwined his fingers with her. He drew her toward him and filled the gap between them. Her hands were on his shoulder. His hands were on her waist. Together they swayed with a music unknown, in a place unknown. They were surrounded by thousands of flowers. But he could only smell roses.

"To isme roses ki kya galti?" Priya spoke. 

Ram chuckled. "Koi galti nahin. You know what? They are my favorites now.", He replied to her, "I wouldn't mind being surrounded by nothing but thousands of roses now."

Priya- Why?

Ram- Because roses remind me of my wife now. It reminds me of her sweet smile, her rose-petal-like nails, blushed cheeks like the hue of roses, and her thorn-like taunts. 

Priya- Achha? Uda lijiye majak mera. I'll go away.

Ram- Areh, no no no, Priya. If I can't smell my rose, my breathing might stop. Please stay with me. 

Priya smiled at his words. He swirled her and dipped her. 

Everything was so tranquil. Ram was losing him in her. But suddenly Priya started to slip through his fingers, like sand. He tried a lot to hold her, but he couldn't. He hugged her but she continued to slip from his embrace. After a few terrifying moments, he was left with nothing but sand. Ram struggled to breathe. He fell on the sand only to wake up from the sleep. He hurriedly checked Priya. He went outside and called the duty doctor and the nurses to check if everything was alright. 

Doctor- She is fine. Her vitals are okay. Please stay calm. We will check on her routinely. Please try to get some rest. 

Ram- hmm. Are you sure that everything's fine? 

Doctor- Of course, Mr. Kapoor. Everything's fine. Please calm down. 

The doctor gave him assurance and left. 

"How can I calm down? How can I be normal if I don't know how you are? Priya, please, wake up soon. I know you won't leave me alone. I know you won't leave your family alone. If not for me,  please wake up for your family. Please, Priya. Please, don't leave me. I can't lose you anymore. I love you. I really do."

Ram spoke in his mind. It was almost a new day. Anxiously he waited for the sunrise, praying that his dream never gets to be true.