Agape & Eros

Suffocation

Ram was standing at the foot of the bed staring at his suits lying on the bed, side-eyeing the food kept on the table, trying to tie the strings of his pajama. 

He was torn between choosing the suit, eyeing the food, and waiting for Priya. Three thoughts occupied his mind so badly that the simple work of tying the string took way more time than it normally does. 

"Aise maat dekh, pyaar ho jayega mujhe" Ram said to the croissant. 

Being unable to avoid the luring of the delectable freshly baked croissant, Ram proceeded to take a bite forgetting about tying the strings. 

*

After her morning walk, Priya returns home. Her new home. On the way home she was thinking about how the definition of home changes for women. Just yesterday her home changed from Sood house to Kapoor mansion. Even if it doesn't feel like home, even if all of the members of this house don't accept her wholeheartedly, even if her heart aches for the home she grew up in this is her home- the Kapoor mansion. 

She stood for some time in front of the huge mansion. It has 18 to 19 rooms, more spacious than her room in Sood house, a huge dining hall, an enormous entrance hall, several kitchens, a beautiful terrace, a garden, and whatnot. But still, it feels suffocating to her.

Yesterday it didn't feel suffocating. With Shivi, Bri, Twinkle, Adi, Kunal, and Vikrant- it felt quiet refreshing. But today is different. Today she has to spend time with the family; the family which is not quite happy to have her. With Nandini it's not that hard for her. But the others. The thought of mama, mami and Shubhu makes her feel suffocating. 

"Finally I've married. But now what? With growing age, my habits and opinion have formed and taken a firm stand. It won't be easy to change, to adjust. After everything that happened in my life, I don't even have that twenty's excitement. I don't have any belief in love. I can't believe in a fairytale romance in my thirties. It feels awkward just to think about love. How would I manage everything? Mr. Kapoor set me free from any expectations from his side and married me to spend life as friends. It sounded nice. But what about social expectations? What about my in-laws? Mr. Kapoor is so perfect. With his people-pleasing nature and pleasant smile, he wins everyone's hearts. But I struggle to even start a conversation."

Being emerged in deep thought, Priya entered their room. 

*
Ram and Priya looked at each other. Priya turned to the door as soon as her brain could comprehend Ram's situation. Ram started stammering and fumbling with the strings. It took him a few minutes to get his act together. 

Ram- I'm done. 

Priya- What happened to your clothes Mr. Kapoor? What is this mess? 

Ram- Actually, it's quite difficult to decide what to wear based on their side profile. 

Priya- Side Profile? 

Ram- You can see only the side in the closet, na? So, Tarun lies them down and... I mean it's much easier to choose this way. And then you weren't here. I was waiting for you with my pajama strings in my hand...

 Priya- WHAT??

Ram- No, no, no. N...not in that way. It came out wrong. I meant I was waiting to have breakfast with you. But then I also had to choose a suit, and I also had strings in my hand that needed tying. Then Tarun brought that croissant. And it was calling me and then... The moral of the story is- Can we eat now, Priya? I am famished.

Priya- Mr. Kapoor, you didn't have to wait for me. Please go ahead. 

As soon as Priya gave the green signal Ram stuffed his mouth with the croissant. Then they both sat down on the couch. 

Priya- Has everyone else already eaten?

Ram- Mom and Shubhu might have. They have their breakfast after returning from their morning walk. Shivi, mama, and mami are still sleeping. 

Priya- Why didn't you eat with them? 

Ram- Priya, they eat in their room. We hardly eat together in this house. 

Priya- Then why did you wait for me? 

Ram- Because Meera maa said in Sood house everyone eats together. You are used to that and liked that too. You know, Priya, when Dad was alive, we always had our breakfast and dinner together. I missed that. Now I can eat with you. At lunch, we will be at our work. And for dinner, sorry but you'll have to eat alone. But we can have our breakfast together. And mmm... I have a surprise for you. Upma, with dollops of ghee. 

Ram gave the bowl to Priya putting a spoon in it. Priya took it and thanked him. 

Ram- By the way, from tomorrow please inform Tarun what you want to eat for breakfast before going on your morning walk. He can cook everything. Whatever you want, he'll cook for you. 

Priya- Ok. 

Ram- How's the upma? 

Priya- [Smilling] Nice. 

Ram- I knew you'd like it. 

Priya looked at the man beside her. He was eating the croissant with childlike excitement. Suddenly she noticed the suffocating feeling is long gone. 

"Probably this is not gonna be that bad," she thought to herself while smiling and enjoying the upma.