Attention Truelove

Chapter 35

"Mom?" I ask.

"Yes, Skylar?"

"What did you do when dad left you?" I ask.

She's silent for a long time, so long I pull back and look up at her face.

She looks down at me, a conflicted look in her eyes.

"Tell me," I beg.

"Well, we are going to need food for that story," she picks up the frozen dinner again.

So I help her prepare dinner, making side dishes and setting the table then while we wait for the food to finish in the oven. I sit next to her on the couch while we wait.

"When your father left me..." she starts but trails off.

I wait expectantly.

She takes a deep breath before going on.

"It came suddenly, and out of left field for me. One day he was my husband, the next he was hopping on a flight to Mexico to live with a woman I had never even met or heard about before. I tried to hide my feelings around you and your sister, I didn't want to upset either of you. You were both still so young and I didn't want you to think it was your fault." She looks down and curls her hands on her lap.

I move in closer, listening more intently.

"But I was so angry," she says softly. "Sometimes I still get so angry." Her eyes water.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Oli crouch down on the stairs, listening secretly.

"It took all of me to hold it together in front of you. I was so lost... so hurt. He just left, took all our money, and left you and your sister behind, without so much as a goodbye. I was working late that night, he was supposed to be watching you but when I came home he and most of his stuff were gone. And there you were, just sitting on the floor in the living room with your sister watching tv like nothing had happened. You didn't understand. How could you? That night, I cried myself silly in the shower. That's why we moved, he took everything and I could hardly pick up the pieces. I was such a mess. We had to start all over, on our own this time. I was able to get a loan for a house and so we moved here, to this small little town in this cute little neighborhood. You were so upset with me, you didn't talk to me for almost the whole first year. You didn't get it, you thought we just abandon our home, abandon your father. I thought the dog would help, but your sister seemed keener on receiving help than you. I guess you've always been stubborn when it comes to accepting help and showing your true emotions."

"How did you get over it?" I ask.

"It took me a long time. Very long. But as you and your sister got older, and finally started adapting to this new home, as we made friends and our lives started moving on again little by little the pain began to dull. But I won't lie to you Skylar I was so mad for so long, so full of resentment and shame and self-doubt. But I never let those emotions take hold of me, I had to keep it together for you and your sister. That's what you need to do too. Even though I know you are so angry and heartbroken, you can't let these emotions control you, Skylar. You have to let yourself move on, little by little." She places her hands on my shoulders.

"I don't know how," my eyes water.

"You aren't going to figure it out right away, it will take a while before things start to feel normal again. But one day you'll just wake up and it won't be the first thing you think about. And you'll be happy to start your day, and one night you'll go to sleep and it won't be the last thought on your mind. You just have to let yourself go through the motions and figure out a way to keep moving forward a little bit every day."