Attention Truelove

Chapter 26

POV: Jade

"I just want to say, I'm sorry. To everyone. I know I worried a lot of people, and what I did was reckless and scary, and triggering for many. I wasn't... I wasn't in a good place and I let those feelings consume me." Skylar says in the video. 

My chest tightens knowing what she's about to say.

"I'm sorry, but most of all I'm sorry to Jade Tate. If you're watching this, and I think you are, I'm sorry. I had no right to put that on you. I wasn't thinking clearly, I was sad and angry, but I realize now I wasn't angry at you. I was angry at myself... for a lot of reasons. I don't blame you Jade, I don't hate you, I could never hate you. You should know that by now. I'm sorry for making your life harder than it needed to be. I'm sorry I let you down. But I'm doing better now, you don't have to worry about me. I'm sorry for trying to drag you back into my life. You deserve to be happy and I'm sorry if I ever made you think otherwise. None of what happened to me was your fault, it was mine. All mine. I'm better now, and I'm going to keep working on myself. And to anyone who blames Jade for what happened, don't. Blame me, I did this. Not her. She's... She's one of the best people I've ever known and She doesn't deserve hate. Anyway, that's all I wanted to say Thank you to all the people who were worried about me. Thank you to all my friends and family who stood by me in my time of need. I'm sorry for scaring everyone and I promise to do better." The video ends.

I sigh and set my phone down, I've watched it a thousand times since she posted it.

"So she's out now?" Andrea walks into the room, towel-drying her hair.

"Yeah..." I stare off into space.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I force a smile. "Just... worried about her."

"Give her space, she's got this," Andrea assures me.

"I know, I just... can't help it." I sigh.

"When she's ready, she'll reach out to you." Andrea sits next to me.

"Why are you with me?" I turn to face Andrea.

"What do you mean?" she asks in confusion.

"I mean why are you with me? You know I'm still in love with someone else, so why bother?"

"I don't know," she leans back on her hands. "I guess... I just want to see for myself."

"See what for yourself?"

"Why someone fell in love with you. How someone could love you so much they'd... go to drastic measures to show you. I'm just really curious about you Jade. Have been since day one. Maybe it's a mistake getting involved with you when in the long run we will probably crash and burn, but I want to give it a shot." She shrugs.

"To be honest... I've asked myself that question a million times. How? How could Skylar fall in love with me? I can't do anything right. I always say the wrong thing and fuck everything up. I'm selfish and airheaded and nonobservant, I just... mess it up a lot. Yet she still loved me. It's like I was covered in spikes but that didn't stop her from embracing me. Why?"

"Emm, that's a Skylar question."

"I've asked, but her answers don't make me any less confused. What she describes sounds painful, yet she loves me?"

"People love in mysterious ways."

"Fuck love," I huff and fall back on the bed.

She laughs and lies next to me.

"Why can't people come with a user manual? Step one, to get Jade Tate's attention, just talk to her. Step two—"

"Tell her she's beautiful," Andrea adds.

"Step three, just kiss her."

"Oh I'm sure anyone will have your attention then," Andrea says.

"Exactly! Ugh."

She laughs.

"Why do people have to be so complicated?" I sigh.

"Beats me." she shrugged.

I turn over in bed and stare at the wall in deep thought, Andrea curls up next to me and wraps me in her arms.

"Were you scared...when she asked you to marry her?" Andrea asks.

"No," I say softly. "I was happy, very happy."

"I was scared when my ex proposed to me. It's how I knew, he wasn't the one. I knew if I was terrified to spend my life with him, then it couldn't be true love. You shouldn't be scared of the one you love most of all."

"I didn't know someone proposed to you before," I turn to face her.

"Yeah, he and I worked together on my last project. We had only been dating six months before he proposed. I knew he loved me, but I was scared. Couldn't see myself with him forever. I turned him down, and he broke up with me. It was a pretty quick relationship."

"Crazy..." I say in thought.

"Is it true what they say? You and Skylar, childhood besties, and all that. High school sweethearts?"

"It is wayyyyy more complicated than that. I was kind of in denial about the whole being gay thing for a while, Skylar was the suffer-in-silence type. She had been in love with me for years but never said anything about it. She got with some other girl, and I got jealous, finally realizing what a big dummy I was by letting her go. It was a bumpy ride, but I knew it then, even all those years ago, I was gonna spend the rest of my life with that girl. She's ride or die, always there for you. The kind of girl you think only exists in a fairy tale."

"What went wrong?"

"We just... drifted apart. With my acting and her school stuff. We hardly saw each other anymore and she got jealous of me spending so much time away from her. I got caught up in all the fame... she just got tired of me blowing her off. I don't blame her. I'd probably be pissed too if it were the other way around. I wanted to fix it, but she didn't know what she wanted, and by the time she figured it out... well it was too late. I decided I was done waiting around for her."

"Well it was her loss," Andrea pushes my hair behind my ear.

"Then why am I the one that feels so empty?" I whisper.

"I ask myself that every day. I have it all, money, fame, the girl... why? Why doesn't it feel like enough? Why am I still not satisfied? I haven't figured it out yet."

"When you do, let me know." I snuggle up closer to her.

"You'll be the first to know," she wraps her arms tightly around me.

She's warm, a nice comforting warmth. The kind of warmth that makes it easy for me to close my eyes and fall asleep.

The kind of warmth that reminds me of someone I used to know...