Attention Truelove

Chapter 13

POV: Skylar

I jolt awake to the sound of the door slamming.

"Huh? What happened?" I turn to Aphrodite who is casually toweling off her body.

"You fell asleep," She says with a bite.

"Where's..." I trail off, putting two and two together. Jade probably just stormed out once she saw Aphrodite.

"Go take a shower, you need rest." She says without looking at me.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask.

She whirls around to face me so fast that I flinch back.

She doesn't say anything, she just looks into my eyes. Her expression is hard and serious. I blink at her in surprise. Eventually, her gaze softens on me and she sighs before sitting down where I was just previously sitting.

"Babe, what's wrong?" I grab her hand.

"I let my emotions get the best of me. I yelled at Jade and I was just so overcome with jealousy because I thought you and her together again would—"

"Whoa, hey, don't go there." I kneel down in front of her.

"Bloody hell," she shakes her head and covers her face.

"Aphrodite, talk to me." I plea.

"I love you." She moves her hands to meet my eyes.

"I love you too," I assure her.

"No, Skylar, I love you. Like, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want your mother and sister to like me. I want your cats to see me as their second mom. I want to give you the world. And... that scares me. Especially when I see the way you look at her and I know... one thing different and all that just slips through my fingers. I got scared, I yelled at her because she terrifies me. I know you love her; I know you do. A love like that doesn't just go away. I understand that, but bloody hell does that girl scare the shit out of me."

"Jade won't—"

"I know. It's not her I am actually afraid of, it's you."

I sigh and move closer to her, resting my chin on her leg and looking up into her eyes. She smiles at me and runs her fingers through my hair.

"I know you're not there yet, where I am, and that's okay. I just... want you to know where I stand." She says.

"I know. I'm sorry I scared you. I do love you, I do, but I just can't love you to the extent that you want me to right now. My heart is still healing, but when I have all my love back... when I am ready to give myself fully again, I promise you'll be the first to notice, and know." I rub her leg.

"What was it like, when you and Jade were in a good place? When you felt all was right, like you were ready for forever with her?" she asks me, softly, still running her fingers through my hair.

"It was peaceful. Warm. It didn't last long, but when I knew, I knew. It was as if time stopped and the world revolved around both of us. I don't think I've ever been so happy in my life. But to know that feeling, and have it be slowly, painfully, begrudgingly ripped away from your cold and desperate hands, it's the opposite. It's the worst thing I've felt to this day. Breaking my ankle, watching Jade move, none of those things could compare to that pain. I held on for as long as I could, maybe even longer than I should have. I regret not letting go sooner. That pain still haunts me, and it's not that I still have feelings for Jade, it's that I am terrified to feel that again. That's why I can't love you fully right now. My heart doesn't know how to love fully anymore. It's guarded, exhausted, and scared. I don't want to ever lose love again. So you'll just have to be very patient with me, okay?"

"Thank you for telling me that," she whispers.

"I tell you because I want you to understand. When I see Jade, I'm not magically falling in love all over again. I'm reminded of those two feelings at once. The best feeling in the world, and the worst. It's like my heart breaks all over again. And I've just started putting back the pieces. I mourn what we had, and I treasure the time and moments, that is what is written on my face. That is what you see when you see me look at her. You don't have to be scared, you just need to be patient and understanding."

She nods.

I kiss her knee.

"Hit the showers, I was promised cuddles." She says.

I smile and get up.

After a shower I curl up into bed with her, resting my head on her chest.

"Rest, I know you're exhausted," she holds me.

"Night," I peck her on the cheek.

"Goodnight."

She uses the remote to turn off the lights, but the moon still shines through the window. Not to mention the glow of the Eiffel tower. I close my eyes to sleep, but sleep doesn't come so easily anymore.

My body, my heart, my mind, are all used to Jade. The shape of her body, the warmth of her embrace, the smell of her skin. Now it has to unlearn all those things, learn a new body, trust a new heart, a new warmth.

It's painful.

But I have a feeling one day it won't be.

One day I'll be able to just be.